You're right, my communication skills were absolutely shocking and should've had a proper discussion going in to it and been forthcoming with information. I've got a couple therapy sessions booked in so am working on it. Thanks for clarifying.
It's completely over, I messed up and I respect her decision. I've never felt heartbreak like this in my life, we were going away this year and I was going to propose to her. I just don't know what to do