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I haven't posted in here for a while. I am in the darkest period of my life so far. My primary/life partnership of the past 13 years ended this fall. I moved out over two months ago. We were monogamous for 4.5 years and were open the rest of the time after that (initially swinging that morphed...

Thanks for responding! She and I have definitely talked about what each of us may want and need while apart, and I appreciate the reminder to treat her and our relationship as strong and not fragile, and the reminder to stay present with J and our trip. I guess I'm also just looking for...

Hi all! I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 months. My primary partner and I are going on a three week vacation in a week. It will be the longest my gf and I have been apart. We see each other almost every day and while I know I'm going to be so sad and miss her terribly, I'm cognizant that...

Hi Lunabunny, I think the question you ask is definitely relevant to the conflict with my boyfriend. I am theoretically open to having another life or primary partner, as is J. The ways in which hierarchy have shown up in our relationship, from my perspective, largely stem from our history and...

Chrystee- Yes, there is definitely some jealousy that is part of the mix because he has watched my friend move in. I don't feel like I have the capacity to do more nights largely because of the other responsibilities I have going on (2 jobs, another partner, 2 dogs, friends, etc) and other...

We had another fight last night on the phone. He told me at one point that we used to have three nights together every week for "months and months," which prompted me to look back through my calendar and see for myself. We have spent 1-2 nights a week together the vast majority of the time, with...

Msemotional- Yes. I can see this making a huge difference. I definitely have wanted something more integrated, more "kitchen table poly," in which my two partners can enjoy sharing space and time with one another. Maybe this is still a possibility. breathemusic- I really appreciate the...

Polysnow, good question. I am not ready to share living space with my boyfriend, and I definitely do not feel like our relationship is at a place where we could do that functionally or well. My best friend and I have been close for 5 years, and she and my life partner and I all have very similar...

dragonette, thank you so much for bringing in your perspective. I was hoping that someone in a similar situation to my bf would reply :) -I agree that it makes a ton of sense that he would feel upset with the change in time. From what I remember, this has been a theme for the entirety of our...

Galagirl- So much of what your wrote is so insightful. I think he is trying to make me his "life raft" and I am not in a place of wanting to be that for him. I think has ignored his preferences, and is continuing to ignore his preferences. He is a romantic, and I hear him say that he loves me...

Hello all! I haven't posted here in a long time, and am coming up against a new challenge that I thought I'd try flushing out here. Brief background: My life partner and I have been together for almost 11 years. We opened up our relationship 6.5 years ago. He has been dating my best friend for...

Thank you again to everyone who commented! We reached an agreement that I can disclose pretty much anything I want to to each person, and that if either J or M want something specific kept totally private between the two of us, they will explicitly request that from me. I am also going to be...

nycindie- thanks so much for the links to other threads!! I think I forget the wealth and depth of conversations and information on this forum, so it is good to be reminded!

I agree that it could be very beneficial for M and J to talk directly, just as YouAreHere suggested. Hopefully that will happen (I have suggested it to J, and both M and J had proposed the idea separately to me a couple days ago; hopefully it will happen sooner than later) london- I agree, to a...

I just learned that J feels uncomfortable with the idea of M knowing about the details of the conflicts he and I go through. He has not asked me, however, to keep these details private. He has offered instead to have his dynamic with M change so that their relationship becomes even more...

Yes, in fact M has repeatedly told me that while she is "on my side" she does not all see J in a bad light and doesn't judge him or our conflicts. She is highly respectful of the relationship I have with J and has been very sensitive in both her words and actions in giving J and I the space we...

I have some questions regarding privacy and disclosure. I made the mistake of disclosing a specific piece of information/specific experience that my primary male partner (J) and I had last summer (which was in itself a boundary-breaking experience) to my female secondary partner (M) (she and I...

Part of my confusion with all of this: I don't know how much of my overwhelmedness is coming from the fact that I broke up with her because I didn't trust her OR from the fact that J and I have yet to experience either one of us "falling in love" with another person. We have certainly had...

In June of last year, I met a woman (D) and we started dating. She and I got along well, and I was excited about cultivating the romantic chemistry for myself that she seemed so clearly to feel for me. She and J got along really, really well and I was happy that they liked each other and seemed...

WhatHappened: Yes, good news indeed :) We have had a very emotionally productive and positive week together :) Things are gelling and feeling awesome!!