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sparklepop & WhatHappened: Thank you both so much for your responses. They allowed J and I to have a very meaningful, although difficult, conversation last night about our red flags, expectations, and needs going forward. I really appreciate the fact that you were both able to point out some...

J came home tonight from his date with his secondary, C. It sounds like they broke up, and from the little bit of information that J is giving me, it stemmed from the fact that C felt neglected. J mentioned that his ability to provide emotional energy has been expended on me the past few weeks...

Sparklepop: This is an amazing response. Your post resonated with me a ton- you encapsulated a lot of my own journey. Thank you for being so articulate about your own journey with the level of disclosure that you have needed throughout your poly days!! :-)

FarFromMrRight: I appreciate your candid feedback. I, however, do not see myself as clingy and I honestly do not think I give J the heebie-jeebies. Since discussing all of this with J, he understands the specific behavior I am desiring more of (sensual touch) and we have negotiated around this...

Wow, thank you all for your insightful replies. BreatheDeeply: I think you hit it on many really significant points. He doesn't desire more 1-1 time with me right now, and I don't plan on asking for it because I don't want to push him away further and I don't want to be needy. Also, yes, the...

Here is my trouble: I am an insecure-attachment type (I get easily freaked out by confrontation, think that we are on the verge of breaking up when we argue, etc), and I know this attachment type of mine is easily aggravated by having a poly reality. I work on managing these feelings as best I...

Thank you both so much for your suggestions and feedback. I really like the rating system, GG, and I really appreciated reading that article, Allsacred. I think sometimes I have a difficult time finding the balance between experiencing emotional weather in the way that I feel I need to (crying...

What is the appropriate balance to strike so that you are managing your feelings effectively but not stuffing them? J saw his partner, C, today. It was their first really sexually intimate date, and I was expecting everything to happen as it did. It still caused me some gut reactions of "Ack...

Thank you both for your responses. Opalescent I really appreciate your rational and logical response; it helped me get out of my heart space and into my head space. GalaGirl I really appreciate your validation of my feelings, and reminding me of some obvious and simple solutions. I am giving...

J (primary male partner) and I have a relationship with couple B(bi comfy man) & C(bicomfy? woman). After a couple of weeks, we started negotiating how to have 1-1 relationships. So far (until now), people seem to be getting what they need in terms of interactions/encounters, frequency and...

I don't give advice/feedback very often but I sympathize with your situation amd felt like I could at least offer emotional support. A framework that is helpful to both myself and one of my secondaries is thinking about our relationships as friendships that may or may not include a sexual or...

Thank you so much for your reply. I want to print it out and read it every morning and night, and whenever I am having a freak out. Your words are soothing, and I appreciate you sharing your relaxed advice.

Thanks for your reply! I think I figured it out last night in talking to J. We had a few big fights this past summer where J expressed not being sure whether our relationship works for him. I think I now feel extra sensitive to feeling like our relationship is safe and secure. I think I have a...

My primary partner (J) and his secondary (B) are together today for four hours (lunch, intimacy, etc- I don't really know). I have felt increasingly withdrawn this past week as today has gotten closer. I feel withdrawn from my primary partner and from my secondaries (I see both B and her husband...

Thank you so much GG for your feedback!! The article you recommended was also extremely helpful- I plan to share all of this with my group. :D

I am mostly looking for suggestions on the "poly math" of this situation, so that I can suggest ways to help our quad move forward happily and healthfully. I think we are missing some key aspects of having strong relationships all across the board. Actually, if someone could simply remind me...

I can empathize with your situation. I think one of the most important things to do first is to validate your own feelings. They might not be rational or logical or "fair" to your bf, but they are your feelings. I think it is also admirable that you can recognize how your feelings are impacting...

We have been together six years; monogamous for the first 4 ½, and open for the last 1 ½. We started off in the swinging scene; it felt like a safe way to explore having sexual variety as we could do it together. We still date couples together, but it is a smaller portion of our relationship...

Boundaries & Relationships: Global Philosphies or Case-by-Case Basis? I would love to hear everyone's opinions, ideas, and experiences about the following: Do you have global philosophies in your relationships, or do things happen on a case-by-case basis, or both? For example, do you agree to...

Yes, I agree with you... I need to take control of the contact, at least for now. I am also wondering: I can ask J to not text or call her when we are together for the next two weeks, but what about the two of them getting together in the next two weeks? That floods me completely. It doesn't...