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Wow - I keep seeing this over and over again. It really is about constantly reminding oneself to keep communicating. It's so easy to withhold something from a loved one. So easy just to let something go unsaid, and not discuss it. But it never works. "Relationship" should just be another word...

Reading this book too, haven't gotten to the section on jealousy yet. But I very much relate to your experiences on jealousy. As a former serial monogamist, after I left my first wife she sought revenge by sleeping with a male friend (she left evidence for me to find). I remember thinking two...

Ursula le Guin has a great selection of novellas in her book "The Birthday of the World and Other Short Stories." Especially the first short story. Topics include asexuality, open relationships, bi, gay, straight, quad marriages, and she even invents a new word - "fuckery" - a place to go to...

I LOVE this approach! There's just one drawback... now follow me on this.... I'm a guy, on a first date with a girl, and I lean over and whisper..'I have two girlfriends!!" Now what are y'all thinking? This just doesn't work for guys unfortunately. For women it's adventurous and daring, for...

Good advice. Beats the guilty-look method.

I'm the odd one out, yet again! LOL I think I have conformed for too long, and while pulling my finger out of the dike, I got a flood when I expected a trickle. Coming to terms with being poly was a big step to my personal liberation ('big' maybe because it is my first serious attempt at...

I like this. Thanks for sharing.

SaBo, Sound's like you're in a very vulnerable position. You have one thing going for you, and you have one big problem. What you have in your favor is that you know what you're feeling is paranoia (you used that word quite a bit about yourself). And you know you want to get rid of that...

I think I'm going against the grain, but this proposed arrangement might just blow-up in everyone's face. Stop me if I'm way off base here, but you're proposing a relationship with the husband of a couple you and your hubby now live with? I think there's a lot to consider here. It's going to be...

No, you're not being too picky. And your interests are yours and you should be proud of your uniqueness. But you shouldn't assume you'll naturally get along with this woman just because you're both attracted to the guy. It doesn't work like that. But there's a much bigger problem here, and...

Not judgmental sounding at all, Pheline. Your point is taken. The world has some catching up to do to get to where we are. I don't mean that in an elitist way, either. I don't think of myself as enlightened because I'm a newly-discovered poly. But I am much happier with myself now, and somewhat...

Yeah, it's b.s. But we didn't make the rules. And because the rules are so crappy, it's actually easier to cheat than to tell the truth. So I don't know about you (I cheated too), it was just the easy way to get what I wanted, rather then the right way. Now I live a proper life, but it took a...

Thank you, MorningTwilight. And thanks to everyone who has shared their thoughts on this thread-- lovefromgirl, Savage, bassman, Icewraithonyx, Somegeezer, NYCindie, Phy, NovemberRain, and others. What Morning says is really the truth. There is no set way to reveal your newly discovered self...

This is the hardest thing you have to do - deciding whether or not to share this part of yourself with your SO. That you believe yourself to by polyamorous. I have recently gone through a similar decision process. The fear involved with revealing this part of yourself to your loved one (or ones)...

Well, marriage may not be as much about monogamy as many people believe it to be. Most of human recorded history has included non-monogamous relationships (maybe you should have these people read the old testament). I'm not saying bible-style polygyny is the way to go either (yeah, just a...

I don't know. Wishful thinking on my part. I'm not used to asking for what I need. I love giving instead. But I've hit a wall. I can continue to be a giving person, but I need to tend to myself first. I can't think of anything to say here, other than that I agree. I find that my...

Yes, it's about hurting her. I hate putting people in any type of pain. I'm not here on this planet to cause suffering. When I left my first wife, she was hurt. I thought that it wasn't going to be as bad as it was, as she was working in another city and we really weren't seeing each other that...

There is a very important emphasis on communication with partners that I have seen over and over in this forum, and books and blogs on polyamory. This argument is a powerful tool for any relationship - and a necessity when first introducing polyamory to a SO. But equally important is timing. How...

Well, that sounds great, I do hear you. But, as I'm sure you're won't be surprised, my situation has its own particular circumstances. She knows I've been visiting poly sites. I also have been downloading the Polyamory Weekly podcast for some time (Minx's podcast). And she borrows my phone...

Did you start out your life not realising you were poly, or not admitting to yourself and your mono partners that you were poly (ie., maybe because you felt too guilty about being poly and could not bring yourself to tell them)? Have you been in long-term mono relationships, and let them go...