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Hey Kevin, Thank you so much! It's a hard road, I have never broken things off completely with someone (no contact whatsoever) but now I'm starting to think this might be the only way to deal with Leo. After a week of silence I sent him a very short e-mail, just saying that I didn't hate him...

Hi learner, I just wanted to give you a big digital hug, I'm in a similar situation (including the personality traits) and it took me a great amount of courage and self-improvement to distance myself from my bf. Don't be surprised if he blows up once you start defining and protecting your own...

Thank you so much, and in turn I wish you the best of luck in finding your voice and holding on to your own needs and boundaries. I guess it's harder if you're wired to please others and definitely if you somehow put the idea into your head that what your lover wants is more important than what...

Oh, it's not so much about what I wanted, it's what was best for everyone. If I just listened to my feelings when I was head over heels in love, I would have spent every waking minute by Leo's side, completely intertwining with him. But if I had done that: - I would have hurt Bear so much, and...

Hi polycurious123, I had made it clear to Leo, from the beginning of our relationship (after the first couple of months of general confusion and everyone figuring out where they stand), that I wanted to have a secondary relationship with him. To me, a relationship, esp in polyamory, doesn't have...

Thanks! :)

Hi GalaGirl, thank you so much for the time and effort you put into your excellent response. I saw that first you replied to me and later on you edited your post to be even more detailed, and I want you to know that I truly appreciate the fact that you took time out of your day to help me...

And then we come to the conclusion of this thrilling tale (sorry it's taking so long, I'm not a concise writer). On Friday I get a message from Red: "I know how the situation was, but that's history (he says). So I just want to know what you're scared of. I see you now as Leo's best friend...

Hello again everyone, I thought it was time to catch you all up on what happened in my relationships over the last few weeks, it's been quite a ride! Little introduction: Lupa: me, early 30's, bisexual and poly Bear: my primary and love of my life for 13 years now, early 30's, hetero and...

Hi Crowmaiden, I'm sorry you're feeling hurt, I can relate. About a month ago my non-primary partner suddenly found a girlfriend, for the first time in our relationship, and he immediately canceled a date to be with her. It hurt like a b*tch, let me tell you. We are now in this "hanging in...

No problem, I didn't think about using the initials and if I can help make things easier to read, happy to do it :). That's the discrepancy though. He says that he is very willing to put in extra effort to keep both of us in his life and that I can talk to him when I'm feeling down, and that...

Great questions Galagirl, I took some time thinking about them before replying. If I think about it, it's not so much the case that I feel like I can't break up with anyone, I have this feeling for a lot of things that I don't have any experience with. - I have never ended a relationship, so it...

So good to hear Bunnielight. It's amazing the way we can build things up in our head and when we open up to the other, how quickly it can be resolved. Reminds me of a song lyric I heard just this morning: "My only enemy is me".

@elle: thank you so much! Just had an awful telephone call with Leo and I'm more confused than ever. So grateful that I have the calm and understanding Michael by my side...

Another issue I see different people bringing up here is: "Is Leo really poly?". I already asked him this question several times and he seemed almost offended that I dare to doubt this. But I think it's a legitimate question. He has been my non-primary partner for five years, it was easy enough...

That is a really levelheaded response and I appreciate the 'calm' that emanates from it. Thank you! I don't plan on making important decisions while I'm very emotional, I know that fear or insecurity isn't the best counselor. I just like to know where I stand and now I see a lot of discrepancy...

Thank you GalaGirl, it doesn't look that nice when you put it all together, and you might be right. Then we come to another issue that I've been struggling with: I have never broken up with someone and try to avoid it at all costs. I don't really know why (also something I wish to figure out...

KC43, you made me smile with your candid reply. Thank you for that. I'll just make a little nuance here: Leo isn't exactly taking Xena's orders, he told her himself that he is willing to give up a whole lot to make it work with a new primary. I understand that this is something he has wanted...

No problem, I'll try and adapt it now, but I'll leave the initials the same, otherwise the comments below make no more sense ;-) *edit* too late, I can't change it anymore! But for clarity: I am Lupa. Michael (not his real name) is my life partner of 13 years. Leo is my boyfriend of (almost) 5...

Hi everyone! I regret to say I use a lot of words, so bear with me here :). I'm Lupa, a 31-year old female, together now with M (32y male) for 13 years. He was my highschool sweetheart and my first real love. I met L (32y male) 5 years ago at evening school and we fell in love. M and I were...