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hi Wiseacre For me, poly is about getting the number of partners right. Ideally, it is about getting it absolutely right for everyone in a relationship. In practice, this is sometimes impossible, if partners have different ideas. Then for me the issue becomes: what number of partners is best...

hi troubles There is never anything unfair about wanting anything. What you want is neither fair nor unfair. What your husband wants is neither fair nor unfair. Fairness comes in when you try to get what you want. There are fair and unfair ways of resolving a conflict in a relationship...

hi wannabe In this situation, I would want to mention that poly might be important in the future. The earlier you mention it, the easier. And if he puts an ultimatum to you: mono or nothing, the sooner you face that ultimatum the better for the future. And if he leaves you totally, feeling...

poly + open overlap, neither is a subset Poly can be a different class of relationship, for those who do not start from being a couple. Open relationships tend to mean that a couple decide to allow extra partners beyond the traditional idea of exclusivity. The things that define polyamory...

I don't think this is at all fair, Michelle. A lot of poly people, and I am one, choose to keep sex to within loving relationships. That is why I choose to identify as poly rather than as a swinger. I do not use porn, online or on paper, for this reason: I find it directs my mind towards women...

hi again River as so often on these forums you share my mind as well as sharing our name :) I have had cuddle friends, and would like many more. With some it is the case that there is some sexual attraction but no wish (for whatever reason) to act on that. With others, especially men(*), it is...

For those who base their morals on a literal interpreation of scripture, yes. But in fact both the people I mentioned would identify as non-christians, so the issue is not for them about scripture but about their cultural view of what makes a sexual relationship. What is interesting for polys...

Hello River, my namesake! This certainly is no way to treat a fellow human. Certainly bisexual people get this a lot, and so do polyamorous people. It is not clear to me in this case whether the reaction was anti-bi, anti-poly, or both. Many bisexual people still endorse monoamory, and...

That figures, SourGirl. As recently as the 1970s that non sexual usage was still used here, but since then the word girlfriend has come to always imply sexual. Basically lesbian couples claimed it as a sexual word, as it is when a man uses it; and when that got recognised then straight women...

This is different as you cross the atlantic. In Britain a girlfriend suggests sexual/romantic involvement, both for a man's gf (ie hettie couple) or for a woman's gf (ie a lesbian couple). Likewise boyfriend means sexual/romantic involvement, and partner is used for gay and hettie relationships...

Lots of married British women feel unable to accept a hug from anyone except their husband (and by 'married' I include some live-together LTRs). For example, I was in the cafe where I often have lunch, and L was there, an attractive married woman who is definitely mono. This day she was looking...

Friend: this doesn't sound crazy to me. It is lovely and intelligent and sensible. The idea that it is crazy came from everthing wrong that you were taught about relationships, and you and your 'polyfamily' are replacing that with the Truth you find within yourselves. Please, continue to...

what to tell the daughter? When she asks why doesn't Khas love you best any more, there are two truths you can tell her. 'I honestly don't know, and what I do know is that loving longest matters more to me than loving best. Khas's love for me is going to continue, and that matters more to me...

I think this collective writing idea is really interesting. I am also attracted by the idea of a thread where people publish short stories written solo. There is no reason why both cannot happen, in separate threads. Someone with a story, or poem, please start us off in another thread and...

So have I. I was in a relationship with a married woman, and was totally committed to the idea that the married relationship was not to be damaged by my relationship. "Secondary" supplied that idea perfectly, both for myself and even more importantly for my metamour. In our case, secondary did...

hi River: thanks for your visitor message the other day: I sent you a private message back. But I will say in public, we are different people (me British, Quaker, you I think US Buddhist?), but with the same great taste in a name! All the best, River~~ (the other 1)

I have suffered from depression, and can identify with your bf. Like other contributors, I wonder how much of his wanting to be in a relationship with a poly, and to be the secondary in that, is a matter of him feeling he has not got a lot to give. However, I would not suggest making this...

Consider a traditional "save myself till I am married" person. Are they monogamous on the morning of their wedding day? They haven't "done it" yet, but I would argue they are already mono. When a couple I knew in the late 70s got married, they refused to use the line in the service about...

most gender/sexual oppression is phobic, which justifies none of it ouch! @BlackUnicorn: you have a gift for pushing my buttons. If I did not believe that God had brought us both into this thread for my healing I would be angry with you for the things you say. I accept, experiencing fear is...

I meant my post personally, from my perspective; I find poly was a choice I made and I am glad I made it. When I was in a mono relationship I was able to honour the mono committment I made. I totally accept that your experience differs; if you adopted the soundbite approach I guess you'd be...