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I'm a gender and queer theory nerd, so threads like this are exciting. I am a 23 year-old femme, and am I ever QUEER as the day is long - make no mistake. I base my attraction on chemistry - not genitalia/presentation. Some of you might call me pansexual or omnisexual, but I prefer to refer to...

Indie, I'm would love to discuss things all together, but if it happens, it will have to happen after the "break". We shall see. By the by, the break is for all of us. Pretty will not see either I nor Ladybug during this time.

Thanks, everybody. I don't think the letter was too harsh. We don't speak that way to each other in person, so the letter was meant as a "wake up call". A kind of: this is how seriously you're hurting me, type of thing. Again, I've use NVC in the every day and I love it and think it works. But...

RedPepper, Pretty and I practice NVC regularly. We try really hard to use "I" statements and to express our needs as just that - our individual needs, and assess whether they're being met. I work with children and am way into gentle discipline and peaceful parenting/communication, and I have...

The coffee date would have happened sometime next week, but I don't think that will still be going on, as I am going to ask for two weeks of space. But, hopefully, the coffee date will still happen after that. :( my heart hurts!

Dragonfly, I'm intent upon leaving the relationship if he's not willing to or doesn't complete this list (or some close, reasonable variation of it). It's an ultimatum.

So... Basically... My partner, Pretty, and his other partner Ladybug, scheduled a date on the one day that we've always agreed would be preserved for us, Tuesdays (tonight). He basically said he could not reschedule this date, even though he "accidentally" made it on the night that we've been...

Yeah, boundaries that I had established with Pretty were knowingly crossed by he and Ladybug, on impulse in a mess of NRE. We are all relatively new to poly and mistakes do happen. He hurt just as much over it as I did. I have forgiven, and I know it won't happen again. I have requested this V...

Mono, I certainly don't mean to imply that her concerns about poly are illegitimate by saying that she is jealous. She has recently described what she's going through using that word, and I can certainly empathize with her! I have been experiencing jealously since they began dating. It is an...

So, my committed parter of seven months, Pretty (male, genderqueer), has agreed to ask his newer partner of four weeks, Ladybug (female, hetero, mono-comfy), if she'd like to go on a coffee "date" all together next week. They've been friends for a while, and I met her and spent time with them in...

So, Pretty was very understanding of my request to reinstate the previously agreed-upon boundary. He has talked to Ladybug, so that should be the deal henceforth and until further notice. Good stuff. Pretty and I have decided that we are going to stick with 3-4 nights a week, depending upon...

Good question! I'm glad that this is a (somewhat, at least) queer-concious safe spot, though I have noticed some less-than-sensitive/homophobic threads (and many of the dynamics seem a to lean towards male-centricity, which seems to be the cultural norm even within the poly community), but I'm...

Thanks so much. It's nice to hear that my feelings are legitimate and that I deserve to have my boundaries respected. I do realize now that I was perhaps being a bit... permissive when we talked about it last night, and have been thinking about it in pretty finite terms. He was having a hard...

I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles. Something's got to give. For me, there will be major grief associated with the change, if it ultimately happens. At least for a while. I'm mostly jealous that he'll be too busy with Ladybug to have to wallow in that the way that I do! I guess we could...

TL4everu2, I have told him this. He assures me that it's not true, but can't deny that he wants his relationship with Ladybug to be more time-intensive, which would have to take time away from his relationship with me. In theory, I can do that, but I'm struggling because I'm trying to decide if...

Thanks, TruckerPete. You are spot-on about the "implications of the transgression" being my biggest issue. I'm more or less just scared that this means his relationship with Ladybug is *woah* - full speed ahead, now that they're actually having sex. I don't want it to be too difficult for him...

It's not that I don't recognize that the boundaries should change to fit our needs. Obviously, as I said, that particular boundary was clearly ill-fitting by that point. But we created the boundary out of mutual respect for our feelings. We explicitly stated that we would each take...

No, the "boundary" was not fluid bonding. It was protected PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex with a condom. My apologies for leaving that important detail out of the OP!

Hey there everybody. Newbie here. :o Apologies for the post length. If I've breeched any UAs, please let me know - I'd be happy to edit as appropriate. I've got some questions about how to deal with boundaries. Any thoughts, experience or advice is appreciated. Thanks. A quick introduction...

Genderqueer often means that you don't staunchly identify as either "man" or "woman". My partner, for instance, is a male-bodied genderqueer. S/he has had some intimacies with men, but, since s/he doesn't exactly identify as a man, s/he's not "gay". S/he does (as do I) identify very strongly as...