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I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought I'd post now, to follow up on stuff and to tone down some of the negativity (my god, I was bummed over that breakup with Ella). Good news: I apparently suck at interpreting signals, almost as much as I suck at giving them. Crush was distancing...

I do feel better about it today. Still embarrassed as hell, but a little less hurt. Deleting the text convo helped immensely. I won't see her until Saturday at the earliest, and on some level, it'll probably be good. Usually we talk and goof around a bit, but I suspect we'll both be too...

Thanks for the kind words. Basically, on Sunday evening we were at an event together, and I was flirting enough that my feelings were obvious, and she seemed to suddenly realize what was going on. She withdrew very abruptly, and we didn't talk for the rest of the night. I did stress about it...

Well, it looks like Crush doesn't return the sentiment, and is even a little irritated with me. I'm not surprised, but I am surprised by how hard it's hitting me. I'm torn about whether to keep trying to interact with people or just withdraw entirely. I feel disgusting. How is this dating...

So, I've seen a couple threads where women have talked about being boy-crazy as a teenager, being labeled a "whore," and what that did to their self-esteem. Now, I come from the other side of the tracks, so to speak--I was never pretty at all, and despite much crushing, it wasn't until late in...

I'm really angry with Vino this morning. Not a relationship issue per se; I ordered an awesome pair of shoes and I was superexcited about the package arriving today, so I showed him a pic of them. He looked disgusted and made a comment suggesting that they'll make my feet look big. I might...

Nice kilt.

I assure you, I'm no match for your SoCal cuties. :p

Couple of things happened this week. First, went to Crush's birthday party. (She really needs a better name...but I haven't figured one out that feels right). Crush had quite a few friends over, and all of them were really outgoing, interesting, and fun. This has cemented my belief that...

Oh, good news: I had this friend (I'll call her Heather) during law school who I knew was poly, but we sort of lost touch after graduation last year. I had considered talking to her about all this, but decided not to since I knew she'd been involved with Ben for a short while, before he started...

You know, I was looking at a some pics from a few years back, when I was freshly skinny, feeling pretty good, and meeting lots of new people. I was also monogamous and not really questioning it. I felt really sexy (and I wore some truly shameless clothing), but I also felt really in control--I...

Most "mainstream" and monogamous people I've spoken with think of free-love hippies, with a touch of egotistical intellectualism--as in "We're smarter/more thoughtful/more communicative/more enlightened than you, so you could never be one of us." I have met some poly people who are like that...

You mean...stay in emotional limbo and just kind of enjoy it? And not accomplish anything or evolve as a person or analyze myself or my feelings or try to determine someone else's mindset or motives? Eeeeeek! :eek: You're right, I think. Maybe.

Went out hiking with my crush today--we'll call her Ruby. She's been assigned to help me train for derby and is pretty much pure sexy tattooed badass awesome. Le sigh. I know she's dated women, and I think she might be into some BDSM, but I haven't asked--I don't want to seem pushy. I'm...

You know, I used to have severe panic disorder--as in, calling 911 and running in front of semi trucks and stuff because I was so uncontrollably terrified that I literally had no idea what I was doing. That kind of thing would happen every single day. I did some serious cognitive behavioral...

I just had an odd thought. I've always felt like I've had an easier time connecting with women as far as attraction goes, and I've sensed more often when women were "flirting" with me. I still doubt whether I'm reading it right, but it just seems like the chemistry's there more often with...

It definitely is. A lot of people I cared very much about just kind of vanished from my life after the breakup, so I'm mourning a lot more than just that relationship. I'm definitely trying to replace the friends I've lost, because I know I don't do well without social connections. My new...

Thanks for the understanding. :) I haven't been posting much because I don't want to spread the downer vibes, and because I'm beginning to feel like it's rather silly to define myself as "poly" just because I'd really like to have multiple relationships. At the same time, I'm still really...

Vino and I had fancy cocktails this evening. It was lovely. Later, feeling nice and mellow, I popped on here to read updated threads. I commented on a couple. Then I thought, wow, who the hell am I to be giving advice, especially about polyamory? I'm absolutely, undeniably clueless. It's...

Heya, it sounds like things went off the deep end there. Like maybe raw, brutal emotion is overshadowing the more positive elements of this relationship. Does that make sense? It also sounds like there's a lot of serious pain going on. So much gets lost in text, but you seem genuinely...