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I hope no one throws that line at you. It absolutely drives me up a wall. It's like saying you must not like chocolate cake because you haven't eaten any in a couple months. It also ignores the fact that you can be very much crazy in love with someone without boinking their brains...

Hey there. I haven't read the rest of your blog yet, but I did happen upon this post, and I want to let you know that I do understand what you're feeling. My son is dependent on seizure medications. Without them, he goes into severe seizures, then a coma, and then... yeah. Last time we left him...

Today is bad. There's nothing particularly wrong, and I'm not in a bad mood or having a bad hair day or anything. I'm not feeling objectively unattractive, but I am feeling unappealing. I was raised to find a man, marry him, and settle down as soon as humanly possible, lest I become old and...

I don't think anyone here has implied that the way a woman dresses affects her level of culpability. There is no culpability on her end--rape is entirely the rapist's fault. I think the disconnect is that there are two levels of logic going on here. The first is personal, practical, and...

I thought it was helpful. Sure, it was geared toward a very traditional monogamous mindset, but the gist of it was helpful for gauging any relationship with something like objectivity. I don't think polyamorous relationships are so wildly different that an entirely different standard of...

SCA, by any chance? I've been struggling not to join that for years--just too much of a time commitment. But I really really wanna!

My first thought was, "nope, there's no way I can fit that in my schedule!" :D

Odd conversation with Vino last night. I brought up the topic of whether it would help or hurt to try dating right now. It made him shifty, so I asked why. The gist is that he's watched how upset this has made me, and doesn't really understand why I would want to bother starting another...

Self defense classes are always wise, regardless of your gender or clothing choices. If you're gonna dress like a slut, you should probably know how to stab a man's eyes out with those stilleto heels.

Please don't flame me for this analogy. I'm having a barbecue. I invite over 25 friends, we head out to the apartment pool, have a few drinks. I leave the door unlocked so my guests can get inside to pee and whatnot. Occasionally, one of them will leave the door ajar. This is not an...

On the other hand, see #9. Most traditionally monogamous men would bolt.

Also (and this sucks to admit), Ben and Ella are the only people, apart from Vino, who've openly shown any attraction to me in more than a decade. I have friends who've told me I'm objectively attractive, or who do the friendly-flirt thing, but they're also quick to disclaim any actual...

There were bright spots that are probably overshadowed in my retelling. I do put a premium on maintaining relationships, though. On the one hand, it means my healthy relationships survive rough patches and endure for the long term. On the other hand, it usually takes me a long time to admit...

I think I need that tattooed on my wrist. I don't think there will be a resumption of friendship with either of them, regardless of the circumstances. Ben isn't comfortable being around me if Ella and I aren't on good terms, and the idea of me being involved with Ben, even on a platonic...

Thanks for posting this. I might just frame it.

Maybe because even when that's practiced to the letter, there are incompatibilities, misunderstandings, and heartbreak. Sometimes there's just no solution, but that's a very difficult thing to admit. And sometimes people just need sympathy and a kind word.

The reaction at my university is revealing. On the one hand, a very large segment of the student body (mostly grad students) see it as a means of speaking out against patently unjust blame-the-victim mentality. It's an exercise in empowerment, and an expression of dissatisfaction with the...

I've been thinking about this a lot. In my last (email) conversations with Ella, we agreed that maybe we could be friends. Eventually. Depending on how we felt. My interpretation of that was either (1) she was trying to be polite and not burn bridges, especially since we work in the same...

Oh good! I've always had difficulty understanding why anyone would *strive* to be a unicorn (other than the cool mythical animal label). It's a role that is so strictly defined by the desires of the couple involved (Must love both equally? Is it even possible to *plan* that?) that I can...

Goddamn freaking bloody hell on toast. I have this friend who's amazing. The type who dances until dawn, drinks fluffy fruity cocktails with umbrellas, smiles at absolutely everyone all the time, and is just all-around great to be around. She does know about my sexuality, but it really...