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Oh, I love naval-gazing. Nothing better than a load of hot seamen.

Part IV: Ella, the End I tried to write this part out last night. I kept going off on tangents about how I felt, what I could have done differently, etc. It was a serious navel-gazing lamefest. I'm not sure how much I can condense it, though, or how much I can tame my reactions. Plus, this...

I thought you just had bitchin' contacts.

Just saying hi, and... ...I envy you. Also, we have this in common: And this: And definitely this: I'm probably short on answers, but you have my sympathy!

Hi there! Thanks for reading and taking the time to give some input. It is indeed suspenseful, even for me, apparently--I passed Ella in some slow-moving city traffic today. I think she saw me, because she cut someone off to make a quick turn off the main street. We live in the same area of...

Okay, I tried it. But...yeah. I felt very silly. BUT, I think the positive thoughts helped. I felt pretty good about myself for a few hours afterward. I'm realizing that I start actually believing I'm attractive before I'm going to come across that way to anyone else (regardless of how well...

I'm in the same place. I just left a relationship where my (female) partner was a magnet for male attention. I found myself constantly trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Since then, my husband and I have wanted to open up our relationship more completely--and I'm terrified, 'cause...

Hey there, I'm new too and recovering from the collapse of my first poly relationship. It sucks! But so far, the folks on this board have been extraordinarily kind and helpful, and I'm sure they'll be just as supportive for you. Let me know if you need some commiseration!

Christ on toast, I forgot about Mosaic. I feel old now.

A very fair observation. My feelings are hurt, and I realize much of my anxiety of my friends' reactions is motivated by further fear of loss. Only so much pain a girl can handle in one go. (And E has her own problems, which give her behavior so much context, but I'm not comfortable...

"Don't tell me, please" is like handing my brain a license to imagine the most mind-blowing gonzo technicolor ten-way sexscapade circus physically possible, with a big sign on the window saying "Ivy Not Invited." Reality is slightly less painful (but only slightly). And I can usually tell from...

Thanks. I think laying it out here is sort of a therapeutic thing (I tried an actual therapist, but it didn't work out. Plus, she charged a lot.) I do absolutely welcome comments though, so please, bring 'em on! I hope to keep this blog going after I've finished my little story. When things...

Wait...so, having an affair with a married man, bearing three of his children wasn't a "serious connection?" And are these poly guys, or is she hooking up with more cheaters? I'm not a fan of the veto in any way, but it seems like it would be worth it to lay these concerns out as clearly as...

Thanks, that was helpful. :) There is a line somewhere between that mourning period and outright withdrawal. I guess it depends on the friends and the relationship, but I'm really struggling with it. My imagination is growing a juicy crop of fear and jealousy--I don't want to hear how much...

It sounds like you and your wife have a deep, supportive relationship, and that you have a solid hold on your own feelings as well as as a desire to encourage and help each other. That kind of foundation is priceless!

Thanks! I'm currently working on erasing the "shadow" of those feelings--that is, how they've negatively affected my behavior and my relationships--and that's proving much more difficult.

Part III: Ella, the Middle Ella and I started seeing a lot of each other. We went to Vegas for a couple days (Vino's graduation gift to me), and then we settled into a once-a-week date pattern. It was lovely. I hadn't had that much fun in a long time. A couple problems became apparent...

I'm curious, how much alone time does G get? Does she get much opportunity to pursue her own hobbies, interests, and relationships (both sexual and nonsexual)? She might feel better about your feelings toward L if she had a solid network of friends, and if she was living the poly lifestyle as...

I WISH they did that here. I got so adept at "hiding" my intelligence to survive that I started to see it as a social liability (I still do, on rare occasions). Vino was a bio-nerd as a kid, and got the same treatment, and I've heard the same thing from lots of other people. On the flipside...

Part II: Ella, the Beginning A couple of years went by, and that pattern held. Then, I found myself on a long trip with Ella and a couple other students. There were six of us and one professor, but Ella and I didn't speak a word to each other--not a peep. I assumed she must hate me, that the...