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Sounds like you are really luck, TTT! Can I have some of that? :p And it sounds like you have your heads on straight, knowing that things won't always be hunky-dory. :) JG

HC, I think you're being way too hard on River. I would encourage you to reread that post and think seriously about following the advice there. It's good advice, whether you want to hear it or not.... JG

Hi, RS, You've gotten lots of good advice, so I'm not sure what I can add. I am a married woman who is poly. Both my husband and I have OSOs. If you've got specific questions about things, I'm happy to answer as will others, I'm sure. I also have PCOS and have never found it to mess with my...

Update Well, my meeting with D went very well. He told me, before I could ask, that should his wife try to veto again he is prepared to stand up to her and not acquiesce right away. That makes me feel safer. Not completely safe, but safer. I have also met her now. I did not ask her for...

Hi, PC, I don't have anything more to add here...you've gotten some good advice and input. I just wanted to encourage you to hang in there, keep going to therapy, consider what NYC said about patterns and tapes. JG

Well, I am finally getting to meet and talk with D in person tonight. We've been phoning and emailing for the last week since our schedules didn't mesh. I know what I need from him, I know what I should do if he says he can't meet that need...but I'm not sure I am strong enough to walk away if...

I'm sorry that you are struggling. Hopefully you'll find some help here. I have been a secondary many times in my life and have not experienced what you are currently experiencing. I don't think the issue is the end of NRE, but a change of circumstances. You haven't given us much information...

I'd say you dodged a bullet on this one. Run away, run very far away!!!!! Hang in there. :) JG

Going slowly is also a good thing, NYC. That's part of what a probationary period would be for me, I realize. Slowness is going to be enforced on us pretty soon since I will be going out of town for three weeks and he will be leaving for 10 days three days after I return. So there'll be a month...

No, I didn't feel attacked. Just didn't want to get into a debate about veto powers. I agree that what you wrote is about semantics. And introspection is never a bad thing. :) Thanks for the good wishes. We'll see where it goes. I haven't heard back from him on my need for assurance about the...

AnnabelMore, I hear you. But we will have to agree to disagree on part of it. However, that's not what I have asked for. I've asked for help with my blind spots to see what else I could/should be considering. Do you have anything to offer on that topic? I've been burned by lots of things in...

Yep, NYC, this is the guy I talked about when I first got here. I don't know for sure that his NRE was threatening to her. I'm hoping to be able to ask her in person. schtuff, I don't compartmentalize well at all. I'm hoping to keep my resolve when I see him in person. Although I have not...

Well...keep on keepin' on, Nancy. All poly people aren't like this experience. :)

This is the risk we all take when we enter into relationships. You have to decide if you're willing to take the risk. :) Hang in there. We'll be here for you to talk to you. JG

No, you're not misunderstanding. Unfortunately I'd say they are somewhat delusional...this just isn't the way people and relationships work long term. I'm fine with the no secrets part. But i's just not practical for all three of you to be together all the time. Things will be said to one person...

I second nycindie. I've seen things go very bad when couples try to require an "us only" relationship. That flies in the face of reality. When there are three people, there will be three relationships...A and B, B and C, A and C. You will at some time find yourself without the third person. If...

Thanks, nycindie. :) The probation idea sounds like a good one. I'll have to think about how I'd want to present that. And what it means to me, so I can communicate it effectively. I am pissed, although I, too, want to reunite. The bond we developed is quite strong and I believe our connection...

No, I will not have veto over her. She is married to my partner and I understand that she has a higher priority in that sense. If she does something egregious, I will have the option of working it out with her or leaving my relationship with him. That risk I am willing to take. Being treated as...

I understand the veto and I know it can be necessary. If the OSO does something very damaging to the primary partner or to the primary relationship, the veto power is necessary. I've observed it used that way in other relationships. In 15 years, I've never seen it used because the primary...

Hello. :) I've been contacted by a former partner who wants to reunite. I'm looking for some advice on things I ought to be considering as I decide whether to do this or not. Here's the background: We met earlier this year and fell deeply in love pretty quickly. Things between he and were/are...