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Thanks for everyone's comments. They are very helpful and insightful. I am mspmel's poly partner. I asked her if I could comment on here too which she is happy about...:) I too like the reward idea... I also agree with you too FallenAngelina. Every connection needs to be worked out...

Thanks for all the thoughts so far. It has been really good to hear these and they are helping to shape my own attitude, thoughts and feelings towards commitment in relationships... A part of me feels deeply that commitment in some form is important, but I also recognise the need for freedom at...

Initially it was a deep emotional connection. It became sexual later. My wife at the time struggled with me opening my heart to someone else as well...

Initially it was a deep emotional connection. It wasn't until later that it became sexual. The issue for my wife at the time was that I had opened my heart to someone else as well...

Thanks for all your comments so far. It has actually been really helpful for me. I have not come across the concept of Relational Anarchy before, and reflecting on this has helped! So I have been reflecting on what I would want to commit to a relationship and what I would not want to commit...

Thanks for all your replies so far... Let me perhaps clarify my questions a little more by adding in some background story... I married my "soulmate" 23 years ago. We made a commitment to each other to be monogamous and life long partners ("till death do us part" sort of thing...). 15 years...

I am questioning what part commitment plays in relationships... Is it healthy to commit to another person or to remain free and allow them to be free? If it is healthy to commit in some way, what is it that is healthy to actually commit to? I'm interested in what people have to say on the...

It's been over 2 and a half years since my last post and it is time for an update... Besides, I think I need a place to tell my story where like minded people may be able to understand... I have been exploring poly now for around 10 years, and quite frankly, it has been a disaster! I am now a...

We may end up seeing a marriage counsellor together. We'll see how things go. I certainly hope that the disconnect will not be there forever. I hope that the walls can come down. I know that my part is to work through the pain that I feel with the fact that there is a wall...

Thanks for all the great replies! Yes, we both are seeking professional help. I'm not sure of what issues my wife is seeking to deal with, but she is seeing a counsellor and also talking to a poly friend who has been poly for a long time. I'm seeking help about how to move on from the pain...

Thanks for your reply Ciel, She is holding back emotionally. She is protecting herself from me because of the pain I caused her 7 years ago by falling in love with someone else (which at the time we were in a mono marriage), and then the pain she feels because of my ongoing pain and sadness. So...

Hi everyone! It's been a few months since I last posted... But I really need your listening ears and words of wisdom! Just to bring you all up to speed... I am married and 7 years ago fell in love with another woman, while also still being in love with my wife. My wife tried to be OK but was...

Just adding a bit of my story where it is relevant to this thread... I was married for 15 years when I unintentionally fell in love with someone else. My relationship with my wife at the time was amazing. That was 7 years ago. I knew nothing about polyamory then. I was involved in a Christian...

That's the crazy thing Nerdpower - it is more socially acceptable to have an affair than to be poly. Go figure!

I like some of your thinking, polyFM. By being a part of the greater consciousness of humanity, I think we inherit some of humanity's dysfunctions, and perhaps one could argue that jealousy is one of those things that we inherit, to a degree. But I also believe that mostly we learn it, even as...

My wife told her brothers and sisters and she got a very negative response. Then her mum suspected and asked her sister outright if my wife was having another relationship. Of course at this point she couldn't lie, so she told her. Still not sure of my wife's parents response to it all as they...

I think you're right, SC. I still do believe that there is more than NRE going on. As I have been reflecting more on what I mean by my wife's 'openness,' I think I am referring primarily to her sexual openness. For the 20 years of our sexual life, I have always felt that my wife had more to...

Thanks for the posts. Yes, maybe there is more NRE than I am giving credit for? Good point too, brokenmirror, about the 'forever' expectations, and therefore being easier to open up more to someone new. One step at a time...

Good point, Arrowbound. I hadn't really thought of that. She grew up in a very traditional religious background. Her father was a pastor. This may have made it more difficult for her to be truly open. We have now shed that past and moved on. Hence, a new relationship has none of that background...

NYCindie, thanks for your reply. You are right, there is no trying. It's a leap off the edge. You're all in or not. We are all in. It was just my gentleness of words in using the less definite word of "try." As far as openness, I am referring to both emotions and sex. As has been said by...