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And probably final update -- I'm about 95% sure a separation is the only answer here. On to the updates: I did, in fact, randomly find an acquaintance (call them...Kim) who was into me and whom my wife knew. She blessed us hanging out...until I said that things could possibly proceed into the...

It’s possible(likely) we’re not a good fit for each other, there is definitely love and care on her side, not just manipulation…this was from my perspective and not in the greatest mindset. She has made some attempts to solve the issues I’ve brought up…she started doing a little bit of...

Yes, she wants zero input from me. She does not want me bringing it up again when she has asked for space on an issue. She also does not want me to check in about it before she is ready to discuss the problem. I’ve tried several of those things and I’m stuck up against a wall here, kind of...

She doesn't want it scheduled because it increases anxiety -- she wants to be the one to bring it up on her own time, when she feels ready. To her credit, she does actually bring things up again, so I won't be waiting forever or have it go unresolved. But I don't really work that way myself, and...

Yeah. No, she wants to sleep in the same bed and have sex rarely(1x or 2x/mo), as well as have a say in my life and plan a future together…but does not want me to initiate any form of intimacy (sexual or not) with her and does not want to put in effort to go on dates with me. She’s not...

Second update: she’s being a poor hinge because she’s being a poor partner. For various reasons she does not want to date me right now and would prefer that we be almost ‘roommates with benefits’. But she does want to actually date me again in the future, once she works through some emotional...

I think it’s fair but not what I want long term. We have a house big enough to dedicate two rooms to each of us and still have entertaining space and our shared master bedroom. I don’t think I can accept never being able to host a partner in any bedroom…even if she’s not home or away. That...

Small update: the hosting-partners problem is due to fear — Cherry is afraid that if she’s triggered by something (say, me having sex with someone else) she will have to figure out how to live with a location based trigger. It’s easier for her to deal with if it happens somewhere else.

That is true -- I used to do shared leases on places in a vacation area, where you get 15-20 people together to rent a place for the season and share rooms as needed (and beds if they were king size). I wouldn't consider Apple a friend, but I would consider them "not a stranger". Yes on both...

Re. the skipped steps -- I spent the last year or so encouraging her to find her own activities and her own friend groups. We currently have about 4 nights per week where we're doing different things, with different people. I know most of her friends on a "I've said hi to them once or twice"...

I think that's a fine arrangement, but she does not. I brought up that before but she does not want other people in our home. She has some issues with just friends coming over entirely non-sexually as well, if they're mine and she doesn't like them. "Is it okay if I go on a weekend trip with...

You’ve made your point and I’ll take it into consideration. However, I’m wondering why it matters so much. Yes, I don’t care so I could make it a hard boundary, but why create one where it isn’t required? I was a bit too flippant with ‘my only boundary…’ above. The reality is that I have a few...

I don’t care, it really doesn’t bother me at all. I will freely admit that’s probably kind of weird but it’s not a thing I’m bothered by. This is assuming ‘sharing’ means cuddling and sleeping. If it means sex, talking all night, heavy making out, etc., then I do not want it in my bed with me...

Technically I can poly date as long as I only date a someone who was a friend first and do not make an OLD profile… But realistically that means I can’t poly date. Once I bucket someone as a friend I do not typically move them out of that bucket. I don’t think there’s any going back to...

That's true. I was proactive and initiated the behavior I wanted a few times, but I did not ask for it explicitly, which I could (and probably should) have done. I don't care if she does overnights with her new partner; it's honestly 100% fine with me. However...when we did not get much us time...

Good point. I got a bit too comfortable with the mono relationship and I need to start re-asserting myself. However, this one specifically will be a problem because I've soft brought it up and her response is "maybe then we can't be poly". It's an unfair response and I wasn't (at the time) ready...

Whoops, fixed (Sorry not sure how to get your name to appear in this reply on mobile) That does sound familiar. Specifically the displacement part. And for what it’s worth my partner is trying. Maybe I’m being too harsh about the source of the effort? I want my partner to want to be with me...

Hello! History: My partner and I(we live together) were in a mono relationship…until she found someone she wanted to date. This situation is fine with me — I never wanted mono to begin with, but I accepted it for the sake of our relationship. The problem: (actually two problems) I’ve always...