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Cholita, That sounds really painful and terrible. I've gone through a breakup of a two-year relationship which was bad enough on its own. I can barely even imagine the pain of breaking up a nine-year marriage. I hope that you learn from this experience and that it informs your future actions...

I'm naturally a very trusting person, maybe too trusting with some people. And I'm dating somebody who is not naturally very trusting. I like to think that if two people are very close, then they can take a sort of leap of faith and trust each other, whereas she thinks that it's not rational to...

Okay, I don't feel super confident answering this but I'll give it a stab. This is my personal perspective. Your mileage may vary depending on your personal situations. 1) Having strong feelings is normal. Having them constantly maybe not, but they may persist for a long time. 2) Maybe so...

Yeah, how strongly to identify with poly has been an issue for me over the course of my life. I've come to an understanding that for many people including myself, polyamory is a lifestyle choice, not a romantic orientation. I generally choose to conduct my relationships in a polyamorous fashion...

Okay. So there were a couple of other factors that I was kind of keeping private or keeping out to keep down the length of the initial post, that I think I have to mention here to give people a more complete picture. I'm not violating any privacy agreement by sharing these things, I just wanted...

An update -- After many years of searching I finally have experience dating someone in a poly context that felt even more emotionally intense than my most intense monogamous relationships. Right now that relationship is going through a difficult transition/de-escalation due to her NRE dropping...

Thanks everybody for sharing your thoughts. I think my initial post was way too long and not focused enough and shared some things that I'd rather keep more private even on an anonymous message board. I partly wrote it to vent. Also keep in mind that it was my perspective in a state of...

Well, I presented the story from my side, I might have left out some details that would make her seem a bit less flaky. I could pm such details to interested parties, they're a bit too private to want to post them here, and the post was already getting very long. But regardless of whether she's...

I've been dating this girl for a little over 8 months. She lives in another city, a two-and-a-half hour drive away from me. We met through an introduction by a mutual friend. We've both generally identified as poly for the past several years. When we first met she told me that she was a...

Thanks, kdt and River for your responses. I don't have much more to add right now. Yes, kdt, I'm continuing to pursue things with D.

Thanks for your perspective, Nycindie. I go back and forth in my mind between this perspective and Vinsanity's perspective that one should identify more strictly.

Interesting to put these two parts of your quote together. From a perspective of somebody who is open to both monogamy and polyamory but favors monogamy (how I feel sometimes -- other times I favor polyamory), if you had stayed with one of these past partners as part of a polycule, it could be...

That's what seems to have happened. I followed people's advice and invited C for Friday. She told me (to paraphrase) that she has decided she's not in a place in her life where she wants to be dating anybody just now.

That's not necessarily true. Maybe the reason why SHE doesn't want to take a night away from Dean is because she feels that it would hurt him on some level, even though he claims he's happy to share. Maybe it's the opposite; he could be hurt that she wouldn't take him up on his offer, like if...

Did you read the other thread that I linked in my original post? Basically what I concluded at that time, after a lot of soul-searching, was that I don't identify exclusively as either mono or poly, and that both can work for me in the right circumstances. I'd be interested to hear what you have...

I did read the OP. I was questioning whether the OP might be overanalyzing things. It's natural to worry about imposing on people excessively. But sometimes the person who feels they are doing all the imposing is the only one worrying, while the person supposedly being imposed upon is actually...

Hmm, so far I've gotten two completely different responses. I suppose that gives me weak evidence that neither of my proposed courses of action is entirely unreasonable. I agree with tenK that this is a good problem to have! I was considering including that very phrase in my original post...

Well, if Dean is perfectly willing to give up the Friday night, isn't that the best option? Maybe he would appreciate the extra time for something else anyway? Or maybe giving makes him feel good. Why make Zed uncomfortable if you can take Friday night and make everybody happy?

Hello everybody, Back in February, I introduced myself on here in this thread. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=73315 I also decided through the discussions on that thread and subsequent reflection that I do not identify strongly as polyamorous or as monogamous, but rather that...

Hi Necrodefy, It's nice to hear from somebody else in a similar situation to me. I do usually get some sort of NT when I do Myers Briggs, if I remember correctly. The other two letters vary depending on the version of the test and when I take it. The first time it came up E, I was surprised and...