Search results

I'm extremely tired and will read and respond to Gala's comments in the morning. In the meantime, I've been thinking about the Taking Some Space thing. What I decided after the hook suspension was that I won't go to any more of her big life events or events with the two of them until my anger...

Also, *I* know I'm not lesser than the Daddy Dom. But she obviously doesn't. There are definitely things he wins at. Being attractive to women is one. He's taller, more confident, has more money. But there are lots of things that I win at too. I'm more self-disciplined, I'm better at...

Thanks to each of you for all the empathy. It helps a lot, and feels like a balm on my heart right now. Kevin, the narrative you laid out is bang on and definitely gives me some food for thought. The only detail I would correct is that I'm not mad at him at all. He and I actually spend time...

Recently my former partner has had a couple major life events come up: a marriage, and a hook suspension that she'd been dreaming of for nearly a decade. In both cases I tried to be happy for her. In both cases I was filled with rage seeing the central role that her partner - her Daddy Dom - now...

I have CFS/ME with super bad brain fog, so I had to skim read a bit. Sorry if my response is uninformed. Here's what I'm seeing: Your husband is poly (sounds like he's probably a relationship anarchist). You're not. You can ask him to be monogamous with you. He can say yes, or no. If he says...

It's usually just a thing that comes up organically in conversations. I am her #1 confidante, the person she goes to when she needs to talk about something. And periodically she just says something that lets me know that I'm less important to her than her other partner. I don't think there's...

Thanks for the handy link and the insightful analysis! We're relationship anarchists. 2B (co-primary) is the best fit, I suppose. But it's more complicated than that. IN THEORY we're co-primary; but in reality, she lives with him, wears his ring, is planning to marry him, has a committed 24/7...

Hey Vin. That was my first thought, but I'm not sure if it holds water. I'm not saying it doesn't, but I'm not sure it does. Because I think about the dynamic of these relationships all the time. And I very directly confront myself about them. And I definitely feel like I've come to a place of...

I could use some help sorting through a feeling. I am in a relationship with a person who used to be my cohabiting partner of 6 years. We stopped living together a year ago. Now she is living with someone else. They have better chemistry than we did, and it's been implicitly clear for a long...

I apologize, I'm too tired to read all the replies, so I'm just going to wade in blind. I think the real issue is that you don't have anything else going on sexually / romantically, and he does. So you have more time and energy to give to it than he does, and you likely want a bit more out of...

You've moved from a guess about shaming people (what evidence is there of shaming in my previous post?) to a guess about my educational background to an angry suggestion that feels like silencing and bullying to me. No need to put the word "facts" in quotes. They ARE facts. I'm sorry that you...

It's a scientific fact that the most effective anti-depressant - far more effective than any pill - is exercise. Get your heart pumping for 30+ minutes at least 3x a week. Sometimes you need the pills to get out of bed and start exercising, but that's all I would ever even consider using them...

If I was her, I'd care less about your marriage (your business) and more about the fact that we had a nice evening planned and were about to have fun and then you split (my business) to take care of your insecure wife due to poor planning on your part. But you did say she was hesitant about how...

Lunabunny and KC43: Your perspectives, while perhaps not "normal," were helpful. :) Marcus: Your advice was pithy. Thank you.

This is a very useful distinction. Thank you.

This is so helpful. Thank you. This is the kind of thing I meant when I asked about how normal people think. It also may function as a useful adjunct to River's probing about desire. It seems that, River, your conflict comes not from the desire but from being (mildly) attached to having the...

I imagine that my neediness and intense emotional reactivity may be repelling her. I'm curious - what are normal people like? What do you do when your partner does things with someone else that you want to do and doesn't do them with you for no obvious reason? How would you react or feel about...

So much good in this message. Your warning is appreciated. For the record, I'm not planning to go follow any guru. I do find Mooji's videos helpful and interesting. I've been really turned off by Buddhists who use language like "dirty" and "defilement" to refer to normal human thoughts and...

I'm not sure what you mean by "middle path." Can you say more about that? I appreciate you taking the time to give me communication samples. I did already communicate all those things to her, in language similar to yours. So I guess there IS a way to say it without being too oppressive. I just...

That's fair. I mean, I think I can understand why she might not want to give me an answer. Again, I'm not saying she SHOULD give me an answer, I'm saying that I don't know how to move on or get past this without one. Honestly, I probably don't WANT the answer. She has a history of giving me...