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I agree with most of what you wrote about chemicals and causation. Not all of it, but I'm not super invested in that conversation and would prefer to drop it. And I do appreciate very much what you've written about validation, but I think it misses the mark. I'm not sure you've understood me...

Hi River. I never said sex and romance are labour. They shouldn't be, anyway. But emotional support is quite draining. The term "emotional labour" has become popular lately as a way to highlight the fact that this is work, because it's another form of invisible labour that mostly falls to...

Great resources, River! Thanks. FallenAngelina - we've had this conversation before, so I'll just say this: 12-step programs may appear secular to religious people, but they aren't. Various religious concepts (you're a piece of crap who needs salvation etc) are built right into the Steps and...

I'm with River on the sex and intimacy thing. Humans release oxytocin when they have sex (and when they breastfeed). Oxytocin is a hormone that is meant to induce bonding and basically makes people fall in love. So if you're human, I don't see how sex could not be intimate. In my strong...

She is a social worker who has been trained to work on a crisis line. She knows how to express empathy generally, but she rarely or never does it with me. Our relationship IS romantic, but so is her relationship with her Dom. She doesn't want vanilla anything. She's just written me off as not...

I don't have energy for a more thorough reply, but if it helps you commiserate - I'm in Poly Hell too. I feel like poly is basically just a shitty game where my partner of 7 years keeps leveling up - dating people who are more and more awesome and getting rid of the less awesome people - while...

Is it more challenging to make new platonic friends these days than it once was? Or is it just more challenging for those of us who are older? (Do young people experience this challenge as much as older folks?) In my experience, yes - it's harder to make friends these days. At least, IRL...

Might be a little late, but I do want to say that the OP's post points to a need for more anti-religious / non-12-step resources for people struggling with all forms of addiction. And I also wanted to say that addiction isn't necessarily about low self-esteem. It CAN be, but it doesn't have to...

How would you deal with it if a request for compassion was ignored? I am in a conflict with one of my partners. I feel a strong need for her just to acknowledge that what I'm going through is hard. (She struck up a lifestyle BDSM relationship with someone else and has been routinely doing...

Thanks for the responses and suggestions! Ravenscroft, your explanation of the physical processes involved was particularly helpful. I guess it is just a physical manifestation of heartbreak.

Thanks for the responses, Kevin and Starheart. I blasted some punk rock and the feeling mostly went away. I was able to go to the event albeit with some rocks in my stomach. I put in a good appearance for about 2 hours, my ex-lover was kind and affectionate with me, and I went home. I was...

I wouldn't risk it: I've seen this go horribly wrong and cause a huge rift in a family. I actually have a huge crush on the sister of a person I've been somewhat romantic and occasionally sexy with, but I've made a choice not to pursue that crush even though I think the sister and I might be a...

I'm presently having a feeling I've only had three times in my life. The first time was maybe 15 years ago, when my first lover surfaced at my band's show shortly after a painful breakup. The second time was a few weeks ago, again in the presence of a lover who broke my heart. And the third...

Ravenscroft, I don't have much to say in response to your response except that I really appreciate the amount of time and energy you put into it. And I especially appreciated the gentle tone of the whole thing. I'm feeling pretty raw right now and the kindness was what I needed most. Thank...

A) Actually, I'm both, depending on how well I am at the time. B) When I wrote that, I was describing the sort of person I want to be with, not necessarily giving an accurate picture of my current day-to-day level of functioning. Why would you take time out of your day to point out a...

Okay, first of all, it's not a judgment, it's a statistical fact gleaned from studies of polyamorous people. I'm not assuming anything about EVERYONE on this forum. I suppose I am assuming that the folks on this message board are a roughly representative sample of the polyamorous population.

I do agree with the sentiment that I shouldn't say anything to myself that I wouldn't say to another person. But that's not what's happening here. You've taken my words out of context and twisted them to mean something I didn't intend. Which may be my fault for not communicating properly. So...

Hello September Rain. I think it's awesome that you are talking about this openly. On the one hand, I agree with all the people who say that ED isn't a big deal. That's probably the best attitude to take anyway, since it IS what is happening, and putting more pressure on yourself is not going...

Fuck yeah.

We had a conversation early in our relationship in which I explicitly expressed that I would not be comfortable with her having a 24/7 dynamic with someone else; she assured me she had no interest in that. Then, six years in, she suddenly makes a unilateral decision to go ahead and do it anyway...