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I could actually use some advice. But also, I'm hoping that this story will be a helpful lesson for others. I am in a beautiful 3-year poly relationship with my live-in partner T. R is in a non-monogamous relationship with a good friend of mine. I've known R for about 3 years. I've always...

This has been a tricky one for me. I belong to a particular subculture in which about half of us are some form of poly or at least non-monogamous. Even in that group, I am not fully aware of who is and isn't poly. I just try to bring it up whenever I can in conversation. Sometimes I ask people...

I would be very wary of getting into a poly relationship of any sort with a person who actively encourages you to violate someone else's boundaries. I don't see that going well. Your bf is likely to get burned, badly. It also sounds like you're not getting your needs fully met with your bf...

It's not sexist of you to say that! It's true - and it's the male behaviour you described that is sexist. And thank you for pointing it out.

My impression is that the "staying silent and seeing if they remember your 4th anniversary" tactic is the sort of thing people do when they feel insecure and want to test whether they are valued. Like not calling somebody and seeing how long it takes them to call you. It's a great way to make...

I got the impression that you were feeling a need for some stability in your new relationship with your BF before jumping into a poly thing. Is that true? It is totally reasonable for you to ask for that. Hopefully your BF would be willing to exercise some patience. Of course, he may deny that...

We live in a rape culture. Men are taught to be pushy about "getting their way" instead of coming to a mutually agreeable understanding or respecting their partners' boundaries. That is really not okay. As far as I'm concerned - and I'm pretty sure this is also the law, in case that matters...

Hey Zampana. I just want to say that I totally feel your pain. I am a (mostly) hetero male, and I've been poly for about 3 years. I've been in a really solid, loving relationship for two years now. In that time, my partner has gone on countless dates and racked up about 15 sexual partners...

Summer Lovers is a fun and extremely uplifting 1980s film starring Darryl Hannah about an ffm triad that forms while a formerly mono couple is on vacation in Greece. It's my go-to film when I'm feeling crummy about being poly. The "Polyamory: Married and Dating" series makes me feel good too.

I keep bumping into people who use the term "polyamorous" as if it is synonymous with 1950s - style dating. They seem to think that it means dating a bunch of people casually until they end up in a "real" / "serious" relationship, and then they become monogamous. This really irritates me, but...

My partner has gone on a lot of dates. First dates are stressful for me every time. Second dates, too. It takes me a while to trust that the newbie is going to respect her, respect our boundaries, etc. Things that help: 1. Meeting her date, getting to know them. 2. Having scheduled post-date...

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses! This feels a lot clearer to me now. I think I really just need to give up on her, unless she starts to express a lot more interest in me. Sadly, that might mean backing off a bit from a really enriching and enjoyable new friendship in order to protect...

I'm falling for a friend. She was dating another friend of mine, monogamously. They broke up briefly, but then started seeing each other more casually again without really putting a label on things. I feel like there might be a small window here for me to express how I feel. Should be open...

My partner and I have a "shower after having sex with others" rule. I would be really pissed if she didn't follow through. Your SO is violating your boundaries. You need to make it clear to him how serious that is. If he doesn't respect your boundaries, he doesn't respect you. I've screwed...

Another thing this thread brought up for me is the importance patriarchy places on penetration. For example, in many cultures [including prison culture] it is generally only considered "gay" to be on the receiving end of a penis. Also, the verbs for sex are typically gendered in a way that sex...

I'm pretty embarrassed to admit this, but I think it's highly relevant to this conversation. I was on the bus today and I actually noticed something that I'd never really paid attention to before: I was assessing people differently based on their gender. The first group might be labelled...

So many super valuable responses! I don't even think I can respond meaningfully to them all right now! Thanks, everyone. I'm actually starting to feel like I can wrap my head around this a little and make some serious progress.

Thanks for your thoughts, Octopus. Do you mind elaborating more on how patriarchy is involved? I have considered this as a possible significant contributing factor before, but my thinking on it is fuzzy at best.

Hey Everybody. My poly partner is a bisexual cis female. I am a hetero cis male. For some reason, I get jealous when she has sex with men, but not women. If it's a man, I often feel anxious, insecure, and get really bad mental pictures. I'm worried that his cock will be bigger than mine. I'm...

Those rare moments when I have managed to be happy for my lover have generally been achieved by putting myself in my lover's shoes. I know that I've had sex with other people, and come back to the relationship happier and stronger than when I left. I know that, while I was in the middle of...