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True, too. I'm at a career crossroads and many other things remain open questions at the moment, and I know all of that contributes to how I feel in my relationships. Very perceptive.

Was wondering if anyone else has experienced this. I have been in a secondary relationship for half a year. I feel no need to have other physical partners. I am married to someone else, though, which makes this a problem. My husband and I have other issues, too, and I've posted about them before...

A few years ago, my husband and I decided to take up knitting together. He took off really fast with it, and was wonderful at it and loved it. I sucked at it and did not enjoy it one little bit. Had he felt terrible guilt over knitting when I wasn't knitting, he would've missed out on a...

I haven't read the other responses. For me, it comes down to this: the people in the poly arrangement openly and without coercion consent to the arrangement. It doesn't affect anyone outside of that arrangement, so whether others think that poly is a healthy expression of love, and a valid...

I agree with this; it really resonates with me, too. I would never again agree to an indefinitely closed relationship, but might be able to be de facto exclusive for a long while. OP, it might be possible for you and your husband to work on your marriage while remaining closed/exclusive with...

They have non-monogamy in common. One is ethical, one is not. Some poly folks start out cheaters because they don't know another way. It's not defensible, but it's somewhat understandable IMO. He didn't do this stuff because you cheated--he did this because he was a jerk. Cheaters don't...

We got married 8 years ago, and we never got divorced? :p Seriously, he's intelligent, funny, attractive, has a good career, and we have many values in common, but I think our relationship expectations have always been different, and when we got married neither of us was in a place to...

It seems like he's not. This is a big part of the problem. He can't seem to decide what he wants to know, what is triggering his jealousy, and what we might do about it. Yes, I do get that. This has just been intensifying without much improvement at all for 4 months now. I'm tired. And when I...

Sure, but what's done is done. She's had the affairs and there's no sense crucifying her. And plenty of people do it. She's not a monster or something. That's all I mean.

Okay, I did ask him--and I'm also elaborating on why I want advice. Husband says he doesn't like actually knowing what I am doing all the time when we're not together--it's not that he's jealous about needing more time with me; he's happy to let me be away from him, but wants not to know what...

OP, I think people in this thread are being a little harsh on you. Personally, I understand having affairs when you've exhausted the honest method. Plenty of people have affairs, and while it isn't right, it's in some ways a more socially valid option than poly. That is something to be aware of...

That is an excellent question. I'm gonna ask him.

I just typed this to a friend. I'm pasting it here because I don't have the energy to re-explain. I hope it makes sense. Husband and I have been married for almost 8 years, together for 9, poly for 1, open-ish before that for 1 more. My husband is losing his mind about my other relationship. He...

Yeah, not necessarily, but for some people insecurity is a mainstay of attachment (namely, people with insecure attachment styles). For me, attaching to someone is fraught with insecurity and anxiety at fear of losing them. Deep caring (which comes out of attachment) is therefore fraught with...

That's me! :D My primary N and I have been officially poly for about a year, and for most of it, I've always been "looking"--it really didn't matter how many people I was seeing, I always felt open to someone or something else. The most relationships I ever had at once was four, but I could...

Ah! I forgot about my December post when my ex and I were considering a safe sex circle. Ultimately we just went to barriers. Then we broke up.

Honestly this is a lot of why I am not sure if I want to be sexually involved with this person ever again. I love him, but my gut feeling is that that shouldn't have been the issue he made it into. Right. This is how I feel, but in practice, it didn't happen that way before :rolleyes: I feel...

Hi! I bet there are other threads on this topic, but the search function wasn't working for me, so feel free to point me in the direction of other threads. Anyhow, I have a question about when and how you guys choose to fluid bond with a partner. I had a fluid bonded secondary partner for a...

Yes, this is kind of how I was thinking. I tended always in mono relationships to hang on for far longer than I should--I'd get that "this won't work" gut feeling and just simply hang on and on trying to make it work. Now when I get that feeling, I lose interest in trying to make it work almost...

Well...let me see if I can clarify, then. The most recent downswing occurred after I introduced a new partner and my existing secondary took it really hard, was hostile toward me and erratic in his behavior. He also expressed a lot of his emotional ups and downs to me with it...and he's...