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Hi! Been officially poly about 9-10 months. I'm married to my primary and have had two significant secondary relationships (6 months, 4 months, respectively) in that time. Both ended in breakups mostly initiated by me. I've noticed that I'm a lot less prone to tolerate negativity or relationship...

Hi, Was wondering if anyone here has experience with this...basically, my partners and I and their partners want to create a series of simple regulations to allow us to have barrier free sex within the group, but I was wondering how others handled this. Specifically, I am curious about what...

Hi there :D I posted a few times when I first became poly...March 2010. At the time my husband N was not so sure about poly but, not being a super jealous sort, and always having been unconventional himself, somewhat grudgingly "let" me carry on a long-distance relationship with M, whom I only...

Yeah, I completely agree that this would be the way to go...but my relationship with M is a long distance one (very long distance). He and my husband are not meeting for another 2 months (which is the next time I will see him as well). The relationship at this point is a completely...

OP, I get what you mean about soulmates. The typical idea of soulmates is monogamist by nature because it requires there be one person for every one person. But I like redpepper's tweaking of that theory, and I find it similar to my experience, too. Not to thread hijack, but one thing that has...

I actually agree with you. I don't think that's going to happen with me because I have no interest in "trading" one partner for another. But I felt like I had to acknowledge that it is theoretically possible that one of us might end up with someone else, or someones else, and not with each...

My husband is taking the news of my burgeoning relationship with M pretty well...or seemed to be. Lately he is quieter. I talk about M, just basic things he's telling me about his life, not about "us" or anything, and husband has very little to say. Part of it, I think, is M is going through...

Ceoli, I like "Feelings rarely follow directions." Did you make that up? Just curious, cuz I might steal it and want to know who to attribute it to ;)

I completely disagree with this. There are lots of reasons to want to see someone other than that you want to date or fuck them--especially if it's someone you used to be with, or even just someone you were friends with. For me it has more to do with learning things about myself, putting my past...

LOL, you tricky man! ;)

I don't know, could just be me, but personally I understand "wanting someone to be enough" but they just aren't. I think that is one legitimate way of thinking about poly for those of us who sometimes wish we were monogamous, but just...can't do monogamy very well :o I don't relate a lot to the...

I completely agree. Looking back is a means to self-discovery, for one thing. Part of how I came to poly was through talking with my first BF, realizing I have historically tried to have multiple intimate connections at once (usually 2), but it never worked because I had no vocabulary for what...

I never heard that term (I'm a "noob" after all!), but yeah...sounds right. We kind of went back and reminisced/explored how we had felt about each other "back then," and it became the basis for a very comfortable friendship that I don't see ever leading anywhere.

I'm FB friends with virtually all of my exes; my husband is FB friends with his. We are also mostly friends with each other's exes, with the exception of a couple of his I've never met due to geography. None of this bothers me a bit, but there is also no interest in re-starting things with any...

Mono, this is a great question. Really, I can't thank you enough for asking it. So very clarifying... And the answer, at this point anyway, is: To me, cutting off the possibility of sex with this man I care for, and am falling for, maybe deeply, does a disservice to something at my very core...

"but why would you need to have sex with someone else? you must be so unhappy" I'd rather not say who said this to me to protect the anonymity of my situation as much as possible. Suffice it to say it was someone close to me and not my husband and not my OSO. I was "coming out" to her about my...

You shouldn't have to have sex with anyone you don't want to have sex with, no matter what the other parties want. If he really cares about you, he should respect that completely.

You are hilarious (corny, but hilarious!) So since you dipped a toe into my thread, mono...I want to ask, how did you know that redpepper wasn't just an asshole? I mean, sorry redpepper, that sounds bad. I like you a lot. But you know what I mean. What makes it clear that someone who is...

HA! You made me laugh, which is a welcome departure from sitting around feeling like an asshole ;)

This is the question echoing in my head all day today. I think there must be some kind of "coming out to yourself as poly" 5 stage process...and one of the stages is thinking you're just an incredible asshole :( All through high school and college, I always, always had extra-relationship...