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My wife has now opened herself to poly after 22+ years with me. She says it's always been in her, but she was mono for me, outside of a few slips during our marriage. I appreciate her openness and honesty, but this is a hard turn for me. I'm hurting her with how much it's hurting me. We have so...

I want to be with her, I want what they are getting, her as a new sexy thing to play with, I want her excited about me like a new love. We didn't have great sex, or even good. This was my fault, as a shitty lover with no experience, so I couldn't have what her new lovers have... her passion, her...

Thank you. I want nothing less than to start over. This arrangement is the second thing on what I don't want. Thank you for your support and the others who have given suggestions.

I worry that it will be "maintenance sex" or "obligatory", trying to make me feel OK with what she's doing without me. It's hard not to feel that way right now.

I do want to be seen. I feel invisible a lot of the time, like I'm a ghost of someone. I want to be seen and wanted, I want to know what that feels like. Thank you.

I think she thought I was over it, because I tried my best to hide the pain from her. I told myself I should be over it. I have done so much talking about it with my therapist; I've done medicine journeys; sweat lodge; you name it, to get over it, except talk to her about it. When we have, I am...

We have a couples therapist that is poly friendly, and we are seeing her together and separately. I also am starting with a personal therapist, but I don't start with them for a couple weeks. I am not standing up for myself and I don't know if I can. I'm freaking scared out of my mind, and...

I appreciate this so much. Taking the partners out and just focus on what I have any control over. It's really hard for me to compartmentalize that her having sex with others as a "hobby", but if I can, this will be a little more doable

It's been 8 years or so with the second guy. They were hooking up for about 3-4 months, as I just recently got some honesty I wasn't getting from her. It was the worst I have ever felt, though I was never angry with her, just that I had failed her. No, I'm not completely over it. I'm only trying...

She's dating couples, which makes me more comfortable, because they have a relationship, and my wife is a friend with benefits. I understand what you are getting at, so thank you for that. I am thinking of changing jobs, and she might retire at the end of the school year (she is a teacher), so...

I see her as not lacking anything at all. I'm all lack, as far as I see it. That feeling that I lack has pushed me to do so much for her and others. It feels like it has been "successful" because she is still with me, but I'm not a happy person, which would have eventually pushed her away...

To say it's performative is not completely fair. There is a lot of truth, but I temper my responses to try to take care of her. I said I didn't want an open marriage a year ago, and she said then we should divorce, but then texted me the next day saying please don't leave me. I don't want to...

I appreciate your words. You are right that I need to find what will make me happy, but I've never done that. I was neglected as a child and teenager, and was taught by action that my happiness doesn't matter, or that if I need something, I'm being selfish. I am selfish, but in a terribly...

You are correct. I have been doing anything and everything she wants in order to keep her happy and not leave me. I have not said that directly. I have also been gun shy about speaking completely honestly because I have hurt her feeling several times during this, as I don't know the right way to...

Thank you. I have a hard time hearing that I'm good or attractive. I think I have to be a mess for her to want to be with others, although she tells me it's not. I can't understand it all, but I'm working on it. We are in therapy, and my wife seems to feel like things are OK, I'm the one with...

Wow! Thank you! So, the precious "thing" is her love, time, and sex, in that order. I work nights and only really see her on weekends. I feel I don't get enough time with her already, so adding others will take that away. I imagine her falling for someone better looking, a better lover, a more...

This is my greatest problem. I have done many years of therapy and still feel stuck in my feelings of myself. I'm sure this is part of why she wants to be with others. I feel like I'm getting better, then knock myself down. I feel it's impossible to get where I'm OK with myself, because I take...

For me, I want to feel wanted. I don't have much confidence. I have got into the best shape of my life, but with this, it makes me feel ugly. I never get hit on, and haven't had anyone interested in me in my life with my wife. I feel like no one wants me. Only recently has she made an effort to...

I don't know if I can do just sex with anyone. I'm very emotional and feel it is much more than just a physical need. My ideal, if there is one, is that we have a couple that we play with, together or apart, mostly together, especially at this time. I told her this, but I think I'll fuck...

Thank you so much. I want this to work, or for her to stop. It feels like her stopping is not an option, so I must make it better. I need it to work so I can stay with her. Staying with her is my goal, the ultimate win is to be hers till my end. I need to find some confidence within to feel like...