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That's the point. It's too easy for one party to say they're struggling and demand that everyone else stop living their lives, all the while doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to learn or adapt to changes. This kind of dynamic happens in many types of social situations, not just poly. It's a human...

I'll go one further and define cheating as fucking around first, and THEN informing significant other(s) AFTERWARD. That's the cowards' way to poly.

A person who has never been single is a big red flag for me. In my experience, it takes a person who can be healthy alone to be healthy enough for a romantic relationship.

Slow build-up followed by rutting like rabbits. :D

Yeah, it's the problem of 'going native'. Consent is still a big one. At least, in this case it was low-risk behavior. Some people are just as "inconsiderate" when it cums to high-risk behaviors. Prolly an opportunity to nip things in the bud before there's a chance for escalation. You two need...

That's what I mean. In theory and in practice, there is no reason to expect the discomfort to subside just because other people slowed down or stopped seeing each other all together. The way forward necessitates discomfort. The question is whether or not the slowest person is willing to feel...

That's why I qualified it with jealousy. If the problem is not jealousy but something else more reasonable, there may be a less painful solution. Getting back on topic, the introduction was poorly done. Now that it is done, the question is how to go forward without a repeat. Sounds like the...

That's a tough one. It's an ad hominem rule that doesn't even work in theory if by 'struggling the most' one means experiencing jealousy the most. 'Struggling the most' is also hierarchical language that may neglect peoples' behaviors that were unethical. It excuses behavior by placing blame on...

Now who's assuming things? Obviously, I'm not suggesting that 'red flags' are litmus tests. However, for some people, they add up and they repeat themselves. I'm fine with mistakes. People make mistakes, which are learning opportunities. To me, the biggest red flag is when people have neither...

Ugh! Then there's the double standard when one partner has few restrictions while another has many. It's retarded (pun intended).

That's a reckless way to introduce other significant others. If she cared about you at all, she might have been more thoughtful in introducing her significant others to each other. The way your introduction went, as you described it, you had NO CHOICE in the meeting. It just happened out of...

Privacy needs to be negotiated. Privacy is required if there is to be intimacy. One part of intimacy is information management. Possessive, insecure, fearful people do not allow their partners any privacy (e.g., personal journals/diaries). Excessive need for privacy may indicate a weakness in...

Thanks! :)

Hehehe. Yeah, well the last one was kinda lame as the person saying it was implying that NOBODY ELSE could have private intimate time with HIS wife. Definitely not ready for poly at all.

My friends tell me that I am too blunt with people, and people who don't know me well mistake that for hostility. I have witnessed other people make the above or similar statements, then act in ways that matched the translations. It's a pickle. Everybody lies, but some also lie to themselves...

Coded messages: "I want a relationship with no expectations." = I don't want a relationship "Just friends, casual" = I don't love my friends. (I don't have many friends either.) "I don't like drama." = I take no responsibility for the dramas that I create. "Erring on the side of caution" =...

Sadly, that isn't so reliable when that partner manipulates the situation out of jealousy, given their partner's NRE. Kinda lame, really. I guess it means that the established relationship is too weak for new partners to enter.

Thank you...and you.... :D

Similar to my experience too -- an unhealthy and self-identifying as "poly" couple disclosing after the fact. Conflict avoidance + possessive and controlling dynamic. Quite lame. Some people shouldn't have romantic/sexual relationships until they've figured out how to have friendships. Of...

I'm working on a paper re: poly 'Vee' relationships, informed by my own bad experience and the bad experiences of many other 'secondaries' plus existing literature. From what I can gather, a lot of the problems tend to begin looooooong before joining an existing relationship so there often isn't...