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Thank you for your kind and understanding comments, Sisilisko! Yes, I think you are onto something here! Even though I never met her I had an idea of who she was, from reading her messages and spending hours checking out her Facebook posts going back years. And something must have been off, or...

Sorry, it was just a lot of questions and I answered what seemed most relevant first. My son is 13 and autistic and that does entail extra stress. I don't work outside the home but do have my own friends, hobbies and bank account. Still, I often do feel stuck in domestic drudgery. My husband and...

I guess I just disagree with the idea that life can be free of suffering, and that one cannot thrive while also experiencing pain. Jealousy is pain, and it seems fairly common in the world of polyamory. In browsing this site I came across a link to an article by Kathy Labriola, about how to work...

By this do you mean, do we have an agreement that I am mono and he is poly? No. I've always been free to date other people but have had neither the desire nor the opportunity. There was one time I had coffee with an ex-lover and he encouraged that, and even encouraged me to go further with him...

This is so interesting. The responses I've gotten are very different from the responses I got in 2010, when I was encouraged to try poly in spite of the pain (and I am very glad I did). I wonder whether that's due to changing norms, or to differences in the situations as I presented them. I was...

Thank you so much for this! Wow, your story does parallel mine. It's so good to know this does happen - that once you have done poly it doesn't mean that you will always be able to do it. "Maybe in the past 15 years, you've changed, grown, more fully become who you are." Yes, I think this is...

Hi, Kevin. Thank you so much for this thoughtful reply. It made me realize how complicated jealousy is. It's not just one thing. It definitely has to do with comparison, but there's a lot more to it. And your reply has given me a lot of food for thought. I think you are right, that there has...

Thank you, GalaGirl. About the repeated apologies, that was just in the course of one day, right after it happened, and was in response to her angry messages. I absolutely am leaving her alone. We have not communicated in three weeks and I won't be contacting her again. Being angry at her for...

Haha, no LDS, we were all just crazy. But it worked out mostly OK and I'm happy those kids are in the world. Right, my self-esteem must not have been all that firm if it could be shaken so much by all of this. It's just a surprise, because I didn't feel this shaken the other times. "You can't...

I am fully alive! Being pain free has never been a priority for me. Life is going to involve pain. The first time he fell in love with someone else, it was incredibly painful like this at first -- but someone on here said that it was like swimming in a cold mountain stream -- painful to start...

Thank you for all of this, GalaGirl. You are absolutely right about a lot here. Like, that I can just stop. I realized for myself a week or two ago that I just couldn't do it anymore and I told him it had to stop. I don't think either of us thought I would say no. But I did, and that felt very...

Hi Magdlyn, thank you for your response. I remember you from 15 years ago! I'm really not sure what's different - that is what I am trying to figure out. In the past I was able to find peace in the fact that I was helping my husband be fully alive in the way he needs to be. That made the pain...

Hi, I joined this forum in 2010 when my husband first fell in love with another woman. I got excellent support and advice here, and it helped me accept and navigate an extremely painful situation. She moved in, and they had children. We went through some very rocky times, but she stayed for...

Thank you Tinwen! Yes, I'm safe in sharing these emotions with my husband, and he's been wonderful about it. He's just been absorbing a lot of my emotions since this happened, so I thought I would give him a break and find someone else to talk to :) And, I worry that if I share too much pain...

Thanks Hinterlands. The previous relationship was smooth at times, very rocky at times and ultimately didn't work out (for a lot of complicated reasons). I do have a lot of grief about it ending, grief for lost friendship and the ability to raise our children together in one family. But that...

Hi, I haven't been here in a while. I first joined this site when my husband fell in love with another woman 6 or 7 years ago. She lived with us for most of that time and had two children with my husband, but that relationship ended last year and she no longer lives with us. None of us had other...

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughts. Magdlyn, we have Stop Walking On Eggshells! I've only paged through it but I'll give it a more thorough read soon. My husband's psychologist father gave it to him in regards to his ex-wife who he believed had BPD. So it looks like this is BPD wife...

Well, I do feel that it was forced in a way, because I agreed to her moving in on a trial basis, but then there was no trial period because she got pregnant right away. But that's in the past and I need to get over it. I could equally say to her that nothing was forced on her, she knew that...

It's not actually decorated with my things or my style. My husband was here for years before I arrived so it's pretty much his stuff. It's not my house any more than hers, except I do have better living space due to being here first. But yes, I see your point about the room. Hopefully the...

What about my post shows I'm unable to put myself in her shoes? I just admitted that space is more of an issue than I had thought. Whenever there's conflict each side usually has trouble seeing the other's perspective. I make a real effort to do so; I am not perfect at it but certainly no...