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Thanks for your reply. It sounds like, in the end, trusting yourself to extricate from relationships that don't work well for you is what you are advocating. You trust a partner to treat you well and not "do stupid," and if they can't do this, you leave. I have anxious attachment issues (my...

Galagirl I am curious how trust factors in when your partner begins a romantic/sexual relationship with a new person? To me trusting a person to be there on time, or pay their half of the rent, etc is on an entirely different level than "emotional trust" if that makes sense?

I agree with most of what you are saying. The thing with poly relationships is you cannot foresee the effect a new lover will have. While your partner may have earned your "trust" up till now, a new person in their life can change your relationship. Maybe you trusted you were your partner's...

Early in my poly journey when my anxious attachment was rearing its ugly head my GF said "You need to trust me". I was never sure what she actually meant. I think she meant "I love you and will never knowingly do anything to hurt you". She loved the thrill and NRE of dating and sex with new...

I agree with what you are saying. There is one thing that I can say with certainty that has been affirmed through experience and in conversations with my platonic women friends: "A married cis/het man rather mono or poly is a turnoff to most women" While this might not be true in the closed...

"Men seem to think if they have the vocabulary of a third grader and a working penis, that they're datable." The men I was referencing do not fit this description at all. Highly educated, deferential and respectful(probably too much so) to women. As a later 60's cis/het man, my last two GF's...

"Both people need to understand this isn't about the fun of having multiple partners." What is it about then?

"People marry because that has been the expectation of what you do when you find that special someone." This is what mono-centric people do (marry based on societal expectations). Since poly people do not submit to these expectations, why do they still marry, beyond the oft-mentioned financial...

It is funny how different men's and women's perceptions of the other's dating experience can be. Dating for most men I knew was a torturous experience with loads of rejection. I think this is one of the reasons mono marriage is the dominant relationship paradigm - dating is so unpleasant for...

Moving from a mono marriage to a poly marriage is frightening because the outcome is unknown other than your relationship will be changed. Fear of losing your spouse or being unsuccessful at attracting new partners are legitimate concerns. Many men I know struggled mightily to date which...

"If I were advising a young man who is poly dating, I would generally advise against marriage. Because we haven't sufficiently redefined traditional male roles in relationships, I think the disadvantages of marriage for poly men outweighs any advantage in a majority of cases." I totally agree...

"I see marriage as a legal contract between two people and the state. It's not about love or commitment. You can choose to add those things to your relationship if you choose but they are not required. " Yes, technically marriage is a legal contract between two people. But most make a...

Many of the replies so far have addressed the practical reasons for marriage - health insurance, childcare, etc I am more curious about the romantic/sexual/emotional reasons for marrying if you are polyamorous. Why marry, if you wish to be with multiple lovers?

Are marriage and polyamory compatible? What role does a marriage play in a polyamorous relationship? It seems the deeper people delve into polyamory the less viable marriage is. I recently listened to an interview with "Polysecure" author Jessica Fern explaining her current situation. She is...

Explain how the wife "coming clean" about having unprotected sex with her boyfriend somehow restores trust? The idea of a husband having to wear a condom with his wife while the boyfriend doesn't seems unsettling. In your view does a marriage play any role whatsoever in a poly relationship or...

this analysis is correct

yes, the poly woman is my girlfriend, not my wife

The irony to me is one would think she would "lean into" her relationship with you and realize how fortunate she is to have someone who will "be there" through thick and thin. I am curious if this lover were a man would it be more difficult for you? It would be for me. Makes me think of the...

I think she needs to seek others to share her breakup woes with and be a better spouse to you. In a weird way you being her sympathizer and confidant in her emotional struggles with her lovers relegates you to "friend" status rather than husband.

The woman is a romantic/sexual partner. I have been married over 35 years. My children are grown and live on their own