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As far as exclusivity goes, or imagining the possibilities of a quad, try not to put the structure of what you might like ahead of the people. What's been your friend's dating behavior in the past? Is he a serial monogamish? Does he date a lot without forming many long term relationships? Does...

Take all of this with a grain of salt, and as a starting point for research into scientific sources (even my points). I am pretty sure you can't get warts from frogs.

Some people think that a triad wold be ideal, because they think (before they have experience) that they will somehow be less likely to feel jealousy if everyone is involved together. (Yeah, right.) But some people like the triad (or quad, etc.) connection because it creates a sense of family...

I don't know if this will help, but you might consider getting a second opinion, and maybe with a progressive doctor who can actually answer these questions. You might have to pay out of pocket, depending on your insurance (and where you live), but is there a local Planned Parenthood? They may...

I agree with the others on this. If she's lying to you, that's a problem. If she's not lying, but you're convinced that she is, that's a problem. Both of these are much bigger problems than you not being able to find someone. In fact, it's possible that with one of these problems going on...

Yes, setting boundaries can be unreasonable. That's not really your question, though-- you want to know if *your* boundaries are unreasonable. What sort of thought process led to the creation of your boundaries? What are you trying to prevent? What are you trying to maintain? Safe sex is a...

I think it's a good idea to put the P word front and center, before even the first date. I don't think I'd go on a first date, anyway, if the person didn't already know that about me. I met the new guy I'm dating on OKC (where I really just had a profile up so I could snoop around other...

This may get a little long. I've got to set out some of my history to make sense of where I am. I really appreciate the thoughtfulness that I've seen in this forum, and maybe I could benefit from some of your perspectives, so here goes. I came out as a lesbian in high school. In college, I...

Sometimes, I have conflicting feelings about someone. I desire them, but I'm also not sure I want to go in the direction that sex would take the relationship, or deal with the emotional intensity that sex creates for me, etc. It's a lot easier to express the desire part when sex really isn't...

If you want perspective, here's mine (and I don't mean for this to sound harsh). You might not be compatible with your partner. If you can't be poly with him, and he doesn't want to be monogamous with you, it might not be a good match. But I haven't had your particular experience. Hopefully...

I couldn't enter a relationship with a DADT policy. My new love interest invited me in to meet his wife on one of our first dates. It felt a little intense, as we had only just started spending time together, but I was so glad to see that she was very comfortable with the idea of him dating. It...

I like what's coming up in this thread. I have a new relationship. It's very new and exciting. There's a part of me that's very anxious, and wants to define exactly where this going, and talk about my feelings, and make a grand pronouncement about those feelings... and there's really no need...

This is an interesting way of looking at desire. In one way, I often want lots of things, including conflicting things (I want the chocolate, and I want to be successful at eating healthy). In the end, I always do whatever I want MOST, but the desire for the other choice is still there. It's...

If you want to teach your child that he or she is worth "more than some side action," then be sure to treat every relationship partner with dignity and as a whole person, so no relationship is ever reduced to just "side action." And, of course, choose partners who treat you well. I think that...

I can't really do casual sex. I know that sex will release all kinds of oxytocin in my system, and I will attach whether I want to or not. So, I don't have sex now unless I'm already having feelings for someone, and feel safe letting those feelings develop.

Meh, don't feed the trolls. FrankLee, your post resonates with me. One thing that polyamory has done for me is that it's given me space to really honor the relationships I have with those two people I see rarely, the long distance occasional lovers with whom I have *history*. It's good to...

My relationships are very important to me, and my people are a large part of my life. If I started seeing someone who didn't want to know anything about them, even the regular day to day stuff (not the intimate parts), that would be a big red flag for me. On the other side of the coin, when...

You can tell him that you're poly in the context of just telling him about who you are, and the way your life is. It doesn't have to be presented as "I'm poly, and I like you, and if you like me, we have some options to discuss..." You can also tell him what poly means to you, and your...

It sounds like you've really thought this through, and you have good sense. Keep thinking carefully about these sorts of things. I don't think people are replaceable. Every relationship I've had has been unique, and has had its own dynamic and impact on my life. I've never replaced anyone...

I am *always* feeling jealousy. And since I learned to accept this about myself, I can deal with it much more easily. Sometimes it's just an annoyance I can swat away. Sometimes I need to give it more attention. Usually, just telling people that I'm feeling jealous is all I need. Give it a...