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Hey Sweetie - haven't been on here in a long time. How are things going? -D

Update It's still a bumpy and eye-opening ride for me. We fluctuate between being on top of the world to "I can't live this way anymore," and we swing on a dime. Both of us feel things are very tenuous, and we aren't used to that. The main issue is that I need a ton of reassurance, but I don't...

I was using abuse in the same context I quoted it. My point was not to argue abuse, but to suggest that vastly different standards were being applied to behavior. I thought my point was pretty clear that SweetSensations shouldn't feel abusive to her husband. My apologies if that didn't come...

At what point does your husband's behavior become abusive to you, though? I think a lot of people would consider that it crossed that line a long time ago, though it doesn't sound like you feel that way. That's fine, but it seems so unbalanced. I think you need to either be as hard on him as...

Wow - her TED talk on vulnerability really hit me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o Thanks for sharing

I'm on the other end of the spectrum. Most of the time it isn't sexual at all. Often I see a hardship, (perceived) weakness or pain in someone - and it makes me feel drawn to them - I want to comfort them, let them know they aren't alone. It often resonates as love for me, but not attraction or...

Just looked on amazon, and it sounds right up my alley. Thanks for the suggestion!

Quite frankly, that wasn't how it felt. I read in a different thread where the partner said something like, "I love you, I want to be with you, but if I have to choose between you and freedom, I will choose freedom." M said last night that's how she felt too. It's shocking how much she would...

That makes sense - but I think you are in a different spot than many of us. For several of us, there is a struggle to transition from mono to poly. It is that transition period where one partner feels a change is necessary and it can be traumatic to both. I would still be stuck if I thought my...

This is a great thread, and I want to participate but I don't have as much time as I'd like. But this (below) is very accurate for me. I think vulnerability is perhaps the most important piece to me. It's hard for me to imagine feeling intimacy without that. Maybe it would be insightful to...

hunger

Thanks for the thoughtful post, NYCindie. Very well said. I'm just getting to the point where this is exciting, and it is, well, exciting! I do want to discuss your point about being complete, because this is something I've thought a lot about, and it's something I imagine a lot of people...

I had a breakthrough last night and I want to share it with my new community. It's a little hard to explain, and I feel a little uncomfortable writing it, but I want to share the good with the bad. It feels a bit like boasting, but feeling good about myself is critical and has been difficult on...

Drat, there are so many rules to polyamory! Thanks, that made me laugh :)

Thanks, Fish. Yeah, I'm nervous. It'll be weird to sleep alone and know that she is with someone else. But we've had a really nice week and I don't want to let the time apart screw up our time together. Breathe. Keep busy. Give the kids hugs, but not so much that they think I'm crazy. :p

It's complicated, but it became clear she needed something outside of our marriage about 6 months ago. For a long time I thought (hoped) it was something she could 'get out of her system' with a tryst. I think the hardest thing for me has been to get to what is real instead of looking at what I...

Thanks, Aquarius. I wish we could grab a drink, as well. That would be nice. I'd love to visit Australia! I'm realizing that M and I still have a very special relationship. And I feel special and proud that I'm open to this. But it's delicate, and I spiral down at times, though less each day...

I actually did ask someone out last week, and that felt good - though she wasn't interested in a married man. It was good for me to DO something instead of just worrying about what M does. It's not hard for me to envision a long term relation with someone new. I care very deeply for people, but...

tune

I don't know if this will help, but I've been going through this myself - and there was a turning point for me that doesn't seem to have happened with you. Right now, it sounds like your wife will not be happy in a monogamous relationship. Period. The hard realization I had was that there...