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R and I have set a date of September 5th where we aren't going to initiate any breakups between now and then and will focus on trying to make the relationship work. We are also tabling the specific discussion between me and J unless either of us has a massive change of heart in the meantime...

I will echo what the others are saying about the difference between introversion and self-confidence. I am an introvert, but I do not have problems meeting people or making friends. I just need to make sure to set aside time for myself if I'm around large groups of people a lot and try to...

I get some of that, although I think at this point he knows for certain that I don't value his jealous behaviors. We've been together going on 6 years now. I told him sometime last fall that I was done dealing with having drama every single time I wanted to take a step with a new partner or a...

We have a really strong local community in my home city, so I tend to be around a lot of poly people for most of my social time. I've met a few through non-poly channels or the internet, but I don't actually have a lot of avenues where I go out and meet non-poly people anymore. Work is really...

Wow, glad you are finding this out sooner rather than later. I hope things resolve quickly and cleanly for you and your husband.

Have you considered just telling her you've got a lot on your mind right now and that while you enjoyed your time with her, that you'd like to slow things down for a while because it just didn't feel 100% comfortable moving as fast as you did? I don't think that would make you look like a...

How he talks is triggering. The idea of marriage isn't triggering in and of itself, but I thought I had made it clear to him before we got married that marriage means something quite different to me than the traditional views of what marriage is. He seemed as if he accepted this and didn't...

Hello! I'm in the Midwest, but as far as I know, there are some fairly active poly communities out on the West Coast. If you are curious, finding the local community will help to give you ideas and think through your feelings and desires. It will also put you around people who are more likely...

I have talked to him a bit about other things I'm willing to do to take care of the mental and emotional health aspects. I'm willing to wait another month before initiating sexual intercourse with J. I'm willing to attend counseling (which I started putting feelers out for and contacting...

A) Dishonesty is always a big red flag for me. I'm very cool with people telling me things I don't want to hear or doing things I'm not thrilled about, so long as I have full disclosure and can make a decision about what to do with myself. Anyone who thinks it is okay to be dishonest, in my...

I would talk to your husband first, but honestly I think it is wise for you guys to completely separate your finances for a while. You guys have already given her a show of good faith by giving her access to the account for quite some time without any contribution from her, as well as paying...

It's pretty normal for a new relationship to take a lot of energy and focus for a person. For the partner that isn't experiencing it, it can be a scary thing. It isn't unreasonable for you to ask for more communication from her if you feel she is shutting down completely, but keep in mind...

I think both R and I share some of the responsibility in letting the relationship get this far. I had been stating what I wanted, but I hadn't requested that we actually try it on for size before we got married because R kept requesting that we wait until after the wedding. I should have been...

R has kept pushing me in terms of conversation about this, not really content to let it rest I suppose. Discussions have gotten nastier, R giving me ultimatums, demanding tokens of exclusivity/primaryship that I have told him I will not give. I'm tired of the insults to what I want and being...

I want to add my support to the voices telling you that it isn't your responsibility to read her mind. It is unfortunate that she decided to be dishonest with you in order to test you, but that isn't something you could or should have predicted necessarily (unless she had a pattern of this type...

My idea for poly marriage is fairly simple. Instead of a relationship existing as a legal entity, individuals simply choose who they want connected to themselves as legal family members for the purposes of inheritance and hospital visitation, etc. So in a V, the hinge could legally attach...

I've actually had a lot of interesting stuff happening in this department lately. I have my husband, who I have been with for five and a half years. We started out using condoms and eventually moved to not using them once I cleared my body of HPV I had picked up during an irresponsible...

Breaking addictions is rough, but so rewarding. Sending you strength. :-)

If you guys haven't heard of the book/website "You Are Not So Smart," it talks about a lot of those kinds of things humans do, biases and hueristics that influence our behaviors in subtle and not so subtle ways. It's amazing the capacity we have to fool ourselves.

I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. I know I'd probably go through just about all the same thought processes if I were in your shoes and it's not an easy situation at all. I'm hoping things work out well and that perhaps in the meantime Art realizes that honesty is more important.