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What do you mean by work? It works if you are in a place where you don't need their acceptance, because then it doesn't matter what their reaction is. If you are attempting to change their view, then it may or may not "work."

I also frequently am assumed to be male when I post on anonymous forums. My personality is highly androgynous, so it makes sense. My user name in a lot of places if I'm not posting anonymously typically gives me away as female, though not always.

I don't know that he is necessarily trying to cheat on you or steal you from your husband based on the information that you've provided so far. However, it does sound like poly isn't really up his alley and that he is keeping you on a back burner for the sake of convenience so that he doesn't...

I don't use them a whole lot yet, as I'm not comfortable with them. However, I'm thinking of starting to use them more. I'm not sure which convention I'd use. I do, however, think that gender neutral pronouns are a good thing and it has long felt like a failure in our language to me that we...

I hope things work out well for you and that your fears disappear for you as you learn to process and confront them. :-)

This is very uncannily relevant advice for something I am going through. Thank you for posting it.

I've actually never witnessed a singing telegram, so I'd have no idea how to help with that one, but my guess is that a bottle of champagne or a night out to their favorite restaurant would probably be welcome if you were looking for additional ideas.

When you say that the two of you want them to join you, did they invite you without any pushing of your own? What are some of the specific fears that you have besides feeling intrusive?

In my experience, it might be a situation where you aren't going to be fully ready before it happens. Sometimes you have to experience/confront the thing that is scaring you before you will have enough information and tools to process it properly. Or maybe you'll find out that anticipation is...

I didn't intend to suggest that it was no big deal, just that it was an option and a very important one to consider if one has concern about their physical health and STDs.

I don't think it is flippant at all to request that barriers be used again if there is a risky event that occurs. It probably is bad decision making to be flippant about stopping the use of barriers, but it is an individual decision to be made. Each person gets to decide what to do with their...

I'm glad you're getting to see some of the effects of Invisalign working for you. I did it a few years back while I was in college and it really changed a lot of things about my dental experience. Visibly, my teeth weren't too crooked, but they were crowded enough on the bottom to make every...

Yes for sure. R's dad has had other cancer before that has been successfully dealt with so this isn't the first time R has had to contend with his father's mortality. R is the youngest in his family by quite a few years because they went through a number of miscarriages desperate to have a...

The only thing I am worried about is that R has requested pauses before and he usually uses them to take advantage of my patience and generally hasn't seemed ready to carry his own baggage once we bring everything to the table. This is probably one of the last put-offs I'm going to allow here...

Wow, I really loved your story DebbieandRay. It's beautiful.

R's dad was recently in the hospital to have his prostate removed due to cancer. From what we've been told the surgery was successful, and we knew about the cancer before the wedding and had been told that it wasn't serious and was easily operable out. However, R's father has refused to answer...

I've been having some related issues with one of my partners, although he is pushing me to fluid bond with him when I feel his practices are too risky and I don't understand what his standards are. He refuses to have a discussion about it, so I haven't taken that step with him. I would first...

Thank you for this. :-)

From what I hear it is good to be honest in the questions and place a very high priority on issues of poly and other issues that are important to you (perhaps BDSM type stuff or anything that you hold as a strong part of your identity). This may get you less overall hits and few people with...

It sounds to me like your husband is trying to control you so that he doesn't have to do the work to overcome his insecurities about poly. Have you considered dating your ex and seeing if your husband keeps up with his distance strategy for more than a few weeks? It really seems like an...