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The first piece of advice is unrelated to poly. I would suggest reading around the boards and getting a feel for a more intuitive way to format your posts. One giant paragraph is going to cause people to ignore or skip over posts because it is pretty draining to try and keep track of where you...

I'm sorry no one was online when you posted this. Are you still in crisis?

We can break our patterns, but the amount of work involved is monumental. It is a very difficult process and most people shy away from it. It's never too late to try, though. *hugs*

I apologize for generalizing to all people. I know that for myself I have a tendency to change drastically. I'm a very different person than I was even a year ago, let alone five years ago, and children are definitely off the table until at least five years in the future. So right now, I feel...

A lot of that sounds really manipulative and unhealthy. It'd be hard to give a ton of advice without understanding a lot more of the specifics, but have either of you ever considered individual or relationship counseling to work on the interpersonal dynamics?

bookbug: Thanks for the sympathy. I'm hoping that no matter what direction our relationship takes moving forward that it includes a higher level of self awareness and honesty for both of us. JaneQSmythe: No worries on long stories. I like to be able to learn from and relate to others and...

That sounds like a bad situation. You are right that you can't control him and will likely cause a lot of resentment if you try. Have you thought about what you plan to do if he does not improve? What is your limit or last straw beyond which you will say you do not want to be involved in a...

I don't have an in-depth knowledge of it myself, but I did read someone else saying I think in this topic that honesty was one of the standards of consent, and that consent is required for RA. But I'm not an expert and am just starting to explore the idea myself.

I think at a basic level that relationship anarchist position wouldn't have a problem with that (from what I understand) so long as the individual isn't themselves lying. They can choose to get involved with liars, as long as they themselves don't get to a position of dishonesty. On a personal...

As far as sex goes, your husband is either interested in sex or he isn't. It is unfortunate that that aspect of your relationship isn't satisfying to you, but he can't force himself to want you sexually if he doesn't. But it is concerning that he seems to be breaking relationship agreements...

Some backstory: R (my husband) and I have been together for five and half years, and just got married last month. Throughout our relationship, he has indicated that he wants children and I have consistently told him I'm not sure if I'll ever want any and that it is probably leaning toward me...

My identity as a relationship anarchist is in its infancy, so I can't really speak for anyone else, but the only way for my partners to "cheat" on me in my consideration is to be dishonest with me or omit information from me that is pertinent to my bodily health.

It is up to John and Jane to decide how much time they might need together and for you to decide and communicate to them what it is you want and need from them. The best way to keep things from being awkward with John are to be open and honest about yourself and your desires and to listen to...

I tend to agree that society can and should be participatory, but I do not think it should be able to limit the actions of individuals unless it can be demonstrated clearly that those actions bring harm to others or to society as a whole. In this case, the claim of harm is the positive claim...

I was sixteen years old when I really first heard of nonmonogamy as a concept and it really resonated with me. I tried an open relationship in high school that didn't work because my boyfriend at the time was very mono. I always mentioned my polyamorous leanings to boyfriends after that, but...

Your post really spoke to me. I may ultimately end up losing my husband for a similar reason. He very much wants a hierarchical, strict primary type of relationship with me, a relationship he can hold above all others and that his partner will also hold above all others, with maybe people on...

I'll need you to give a good argument for why something that deviates from the norm has the burden of proof to prove it ISN'T harmful. The burden of proof is always on the party making a positive claim. I don't see a good reason to put a good face on the institution of marriage for the sake...

I only have one rule. I ask that my partners be honest with me about their other sexual ventures so that I can make an informed decision whether to use condoms or not or even to keep having sexual contact with them or not. Some might view that as a lack of privacy, but I am a very...

For any and all issues where it can be proved that an individual's behavior is harmful to the greater good, then I believe they are violating the consent of everyone they share the planet with. Polluting, especially on massive industrial scales, assumes that all the air that everyone shares is...

I'll try to answer your three questions as best I can. This is a good topic to chew on. 1) To me, consent is the choice made when there is freedom to make an informed choice. It seems simple on the surface, but it can be a complicated idea, especially since some people are not very aware of...