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But isn't that probably the primary reason sex does ruin friendships?

This is the wavelength I'm on. It really resonates. Someone here (it might have been you; it's probably somebody participating in this thread as well) said it this way which seems to explain it from a different angle: It struck a deep chord with me, anyway.

I am used to the word now and it used to bug me, but I still think it sounds too close to "compulsion".

I'm not so sure about that- it's my distinct impression that once the scandal of cheating has broken, the common demand from the cheated-on that the outside affair end almost always carries the assumption that the emotional ties be severed as well. Your experience might be different, but I...

You can wait, but there's a difference between patience and letting your husband avoid the conversation altogether. Based on what you shared in your last thread, I strongly recommend professional help. It seems there are some deep problems in your marriage and neither of you sound very happy...

This is brilliant. There have been plenty of insights in the thread, but I think this one really cuts through all the semantics and gets to the heart of the matter.

I like your definitions and intend to shamefully plagiarize them in the future.

I would say that poly is definitely a subset of non-monogamy.

I'm really rather confused about the difference between the two. Suppose I am seeing more than one person, and everyone involved actively consents and knows about the others. If it was purely about sex, that would be swinging -at least that much seems pretty clear-cut- but what if I have genuine...

This is a good point to remember. And being emotionally non-exclusive doesn't mean your relationship with him won't be unique or special either. It certainly sounds like he has cheated, was on the verge of cheating, or at the very least is giving himself the thrill of thinking about it by...

Sorry, I misinterpreted some of what you wrote as maybe setting out so that he could prove to himself he can handle it. You're right, you didn't say that. Nothing to see here folks, just an unconscious attempt at hijacking a thread, apparently... carry on.

Oh, I agree, but I'm not sure that heading out specifically with flirting in mind is going to produce any short-term happiness. I was just posting from inside, where I think his head is likely to be. MT, NYCindie is largely right. Locking yourself away from the world because your head is...

Ever since I was old enough to start thinking about "adult" relationships, I fantasized about a fluid milieu where the lines between friends and lovers were so blurred as to be almost indistinguishable. Humanity as one huge, happy pool of affection, love, and sex, free of the tyrannies of...

If MT is as much like myself as I think he is, this may be spot on. This is true, but if your assumption is correct, he may feel like that's just tormenting himself for no purpose.

Spooky. Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ on a Popsicle stick- this thread hits incredibly close to home. I'm on the verge of dropping the poly bomb myself, and 95% of where you're coming from matches mine. We seem to think alike. Were we separated at birth? Even your wife's reactions largely match...