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You sound a lot like me. In my case, my marriage ended after two years of trying very hard to bridge the gap, and a third of negotiating the divorce itself. Once I had disclosed what I had been feeling, there was no going back. In your case, although of course divorce is painful as hell, you...

OP, it sounds like you're looking for a recipe for how to come out to your SO in some kind of a gentle way that will absolutely, positively, prevent your SO from leaving. There isn't one. I've looked hard for one, and have spent a lot of time here and elsewhere. It boils down to this: use kind...

It's a hard thing. Do you let her slip away and regret the chance not taken and the love left unexpressed, or do you spill it and risk her pulling away, thinking she's making it easier on you by not being right there so close? I don't have an answer for you. Only you can decide what outcome...

Insanity, you sound a lot like me. I'm in a similar situation--stuck and letting my anxiety paralyze me. I was going to talk to my wife tonight, but she fell asleep before I had put the boy to bed, dammit.

Yeah, and here we are, five days later, and I still haven't asked. I also did what may have been a "precipitating thing," if you will: as you know if you read my other thread, my crush and I work together. I will sometimes make excuses to chat with her at the end of the day, when most people...

Thank you, everyone. I'm a bit of a mess tonight, having one of those "I'm crazy in love, and stupid for building castles in the air, and I'm scared to death of losing my wife and son" evenings. I started things off easy last night, forwarding Helen Fisher's TED talk to my wife. I don't know...

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I know that what you are saying is true, and I'll not argue it. trescool asked how it was going. Tomorrow is six weeks since my wife's surgery, so my self-imposed (self-provided?) excuse for holding back comes to an end. I don't yet know what...

Correct. It has partly been fear, and partly been not being willing to bring that hurt to her, either. I keep telling myself that it does no good to live my life for her; I have to live my life for me. However, it would appear that old habits and cultural conditioning are hard to break. In a...

I haven't posted in awhile. I've been trying just to keep a lid on myself for awhile, and let other things settle (in-laws' visit over the holidays, wife's surgery in early January and subsequent recovery). For those who want to catch-up, my original thread is here...

:) Well, he did. A lie of omission is still a lie. He may have been afraid of scaring you off (it happens often), but he still should have told you, at least by the 2nd or 3rd date. Whereabouts are you? There's an active poly community in Austin, and I don't doubt the same is true of DFW and...

A large part of "making it work" is asking for what you want and for what you need. I'm a little troubled that he didn't disclose his polyamory early on, but instead let you discover it for yourself. As for insecurity, that is something you'll need to work on, and conquering it involves seeing...

Close--I majored in physics.

It doesn't sound like your hormones have dampened anything at all; just that you aren't getting the response you hoped you would get. Be kind to yourself--if we were perfect, we wouldn't be human.

It almost seems like either she doesn't really want to have a primary relationship with you, or there's something in her past that really wigs her out about meeting your family members. Perhaps she had a bad experience in a prior relationship. I get that you're not trying to cage her--she's...

I've thought that very thing myself, and I've wondered if there were some other easily-spoken, natural-sounding idiom that could be used instead of the familiar, possessive ones. One might say, "my wife," or "my girlfriend," out of ingrained habit, when one might prefer to express "the mother...

Mookitten, I'm glad to see that you're seeing the wisdom in standing up for yourself. A relationship with someone is a two-way street: you give to him, and he gives to you. If, as a result of standing up for yourself, the relationship ends, then it ends. It will hurt for awhile, but the...

If you spelled it that way, no wonder. Search for "poly-austin," or click this link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/poly-austin/.

This sounds pretty shitty of her. I'm fairly certain that wherever you are, there's more to "the poly community" than just your bf and his circle of friends. If you clue us in as to where you are (you can PM if you're uncomfortable saying in public), perhaps we can point you to local...

Ow, ouch. Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself? This sense of unworthiness is the FIRST thing that needs to be addressed, before any of the other issues. You have to be able to love yourself first before you can really love others, and accept love from them. This isn't blind...

There is probably something analogous to the Kinsey Scale for this. For me, it's most definitely a personality trait. If I say that I am polyamorous, I mean that it is part of my personality, whether I practice it or not. And they suffer as a result. Repressing part of yourself always comes...