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  1. FallenAngelina

    Poly Or Not?

    Of course, you are stereotyping here. :)
  2. FallenAngelina

    Monogam-ish/Sexually Open Relationship

    No need to be defensive. Wanting frequent sex is not sex addiction. Wanting variety is not sex addiction. Wanting certain kinds of sex is not sex addiction. Addiction is addiction and it's very different (and very destructive.) BTW, I'm the one who used the word addiction and the OP...
  3. FallenAngelina

    Question about being Secondary

    I have experience being the GF of a married poly man and it was one of the most fulfilling relationships I've had. The reason it went so well was because they are on solid ground, with or without other partners. There is an enormous difference between two mature adults who agree to embrace...
  4. FallenAngelina

    Monogam-ish/Sexually Open Relationship

    In and of itself, desiring frequent sex is absolutely no indication of an addiction. Just to clarify.
  5. FallenAngelina

    Monogam-ish/Sexually Open Relationship

    The forum rules are that you can speak whatever is on your mind as long as you're respectful of others on the forum. Please take this discussion in any direction you choose. This discussion is for you. As Kevin points out, your BF is feeling better until he isn't - and then you're both back...
  6. FallenAngelina

    Monogam-ish/Sexually Open Relationship

    Sex addiction isn't about a high libido or wanting sex frequently, it's about using sex partners and the prospect of sex as a mind altering substance for the same reasons that anyone uses a mind altering substance to the point of addiction. Extreme highs and lows surrounding the use is a much...
  7. FallenAngelina

    Monogam-ish/Sexually Open Relationship

    If going without NSA sex for two months causes strife to the point that you describe, this isn't a healthy, mutually fulfilling, open monogamish relationship agreement, it's a painful and recurring cycle of pain management for each of you. You say that he is dealing with things in his own way...
  8. FallenAngelina

    Toxic Monogamy Culture

    I wonder, in which culture is it not? I'm not sure that this is an American or even a Western culture thing. In which part of the world is this not the norm?
  9. FallenAngelina

    Toxic Monogamy Culture

    Codependent thinking has to do with how you navigate, not how many other boats (people) are in your ocean. People who lean co-dependent operate that way in most of their relationships, the partner relationship being only the most obvious and often the most problematic. Co-dependent thinkers...
  10. FallenAngelina

    Confusion About Emotional Detachment

    This is at the center of many unhappy/toxic situations. One person accommodates the other (reluctant to stand by his boundaries or doesn't even know what his boundaries are to begin with) out of fear that the other person would leave. Accommodating people often don't even know that they are...
  11. FallenAngelina

    New to Poly relationship

    This will not work. You place yourself in a powerless and resentful position when you need your partner to make big changes in order for things to be "set right." Needing your wife to change and accommodating her at the expense of your values (AKA what is right for you) are both huge red...
  12. FallenAngelina

    Confusion About Emotional Detachment

    Of course your love for him is there, but what I said really has nothing to do with a spectrum of love or whom you love. What I said has to do with recognizing whether you're embracing his desires joyfully or whether you're accommodating him in order to keep the relationship going. Can you...
  13. FallenAngelina

    Confusion About Emotional Detachment

    There are many ways to adjust to others. Are you detaching with love or are you compromising your values? Loving detachment feels peaceful and fairly confident. Compromising your values in order to keep the peace feels a little queasy. Loving detachment fuels peace of mind and leads to...
  14. FallenAngelina

    Confusion About Emotional Detachment

    Loving detachment is allowing your partner (or children or mother or...) to hold agency over how they feel and what they think. Basically, it's taking responsibility for your own feelings and thoughts without attempting to edit the feelings and thoughts of others. The opposite of loving...
  15. FallenAngelina

    Seeking guidance

    I don't mean to be insensitive, but it sounds like you'd be looking for an emotional nurse for your fragile wife, not for a polyamorous female partner. It sounds rather Victorian, which is not meant derogatorily, but more as a descriptor. History is full of examples where hired female...
  16. FallenAngelina

    monogamish-me, polyamorous-him

    When a poly relationship is what you want and you are with a compatible partner, the communication involved feels fulfilling, nourishing. When you are consistently accommodating your partner in order to keep the relationship, the communication involved feels like overwhelming emotional work...
  17. FallenAngelina

    Items that Don't Exist for Poly People

    You can get these custom made directly from artists on Etsy. :)
  18. FallenAngelina

    Toxic Monogamy Culture

    Again, this is part of codependent thinking - looking to outside sources (esp. a love partner) for navigational cues instead of steering the ship from the helm.
  19. FallenAngelina

    Toxic Monogamy Culture

    Most of these are codependence issues, not monogamy issues.
  20. FallenAngelina

    Advice on detangling my needs in a relationship

    Yes it is. You just told us all the ways in which this falls short for you. Why would you try to hang on to someone who is not really there?
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