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    How do I talk to my husband?

    Could tell him you have had some things going on in your inner life that you want to share with him. But you have been afraid of how he would react or respond so could you make an appointment to have deep conversation in a safe space/time when he's ready to listen? Once the appointment time...
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    Red flags

    I would need to pause to "calibrate" the language use because to me it is (both/and) and not (either/or.) A red flag" just means "warning." But a warning against WHAT standard? That part might need clarification. Like... what are the FetLife people trying to make? Are we trying to make a...
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    Poly Or Not?

    My spouse told me a long time ago he's fine with poly but he's not fine being "the clean up man all the time" when he didn't even do anything. And if I go around being a sloppy hinge we're going to have problems. Meaning it is my choice to date other people, and if those relationship go awry...
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    Monogam-ish/Sexually Open Relationship

    It is possible to feel several things at the same time. You might feel glad for him that he was feeling better after his hook up. While at the same time coming to realize that for YOU over the long haul? You don't actually enjoy participating like THIS. Deciding to end it, and then feel sad...
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    Monogam-ish/Sexually Open Relationship

    I am sorry to hear about the break up. Even when it is the best choice to make because the couple turns out to be initially compatible but not DEEPLY compatible? Breaking up is not FUN. Nobody goes "Let's break up!" like they go "Let's see a movie!" or "Let's make cookies!" It's a grieving...
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    Poly Or Not?

    Glad it helped you some. That's how I would see it. You have agreed to participate in a poly network of some kind and DAG is poly dating people. (While you are taking your time to educate yourself before you start poly dating on your end from the sound of things. ) TBH? That's DAG's...
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    Monogam-ish/Sexually Open Relationship

    Could it be your style of open/poly doesn't match his style? Like initially compatible but not deeply compatible? Like maybe you are ok with some open models but not others. Not definitive but a start in describing some models...
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    Monogam-ish/Sexually Open Relationship

    I had a hard time reading without paragraph breaks. So I don't know if this helps you any. The main parts seem to be at the bottom. Well, you could reflect if it is or isn't. Being capable is fine. But have you considered what healthy interdependence looks like in your relationships? What...
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    My ex-boyfriend dates my boyfriend. Please help!

    Could you please be willing to give more info? Was the break up recent? How did the break up come about? How did A hurt you? Have you both done 30 days no contact at minimum already? If this is a recent happening, you may still be grieving and so might A. So expecting being friends, or...
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    Poly Or Not?

    To me? You consented for DAG to explore with Fisticuffs and be in DAG's poly network. You were an endpoint in the network since at the time you didn't want to see anyone else. But you are still participating in a poly network. To me a monogamous relationship means just those two people. To me...
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    Poly quad - unusual moral conundrum (one of the 4 is mid-divorce, a mutual friend let something slip not knowing I'm part of the group)

    Something to think on then, if this is your first time having to live in in the "poly closet." Sometimes that pinches. How will you deal with this next time or long term? Stuff like that. Pace yourself. Again... stronger personal boundaries. Could have told the friend "I see you are...
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    Poly quad - unusual moral conundrum (one of the 4 is mid-divorce, a mutual friend let something slip not knowing I'm part of the group)

    The mutual friend thinks you are just another friend. And the mutual friend is gossiping about people's private business to you. They are not keeping Bryan's confidence very well like that. I'd wonder if they gossip to others about you and what kind of friend this is. That said? You don't...
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    Poly quad - unusual moral conundrum (one of the 4 is mid-divorce, a mutual friend let something slip not knowing I'm part of the group)

    Let me repeat that back so I know I understand. You have this Friend who doesn't know you are in a poly network with Joe, Kayla, and Samantha. Samantha is in the middle of divorcing Bryan. Friend told you that Bryan was in some kind of accident where the truck was totaled. A truck that...
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    Irony Is Dead

    Exactly! I don't find that harsh. If you are not into it, you just are not. Why would DAG expect you to do stuff you are not into? Why would you? Yup. I remember that song. And it's true. People may ask you to considering doing X, Y, or Z. Some things are quick consideration, some longer...
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    Confusion About Emotional Detachment

    Thanks for more info. You sharing info about how you have to adjust to this whole poly thing and needing to practice more detachment so you aren't all up in his stuff and him having to update his thinking/expectations in light of new information is not you betraying him. What does he expect...
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    Confusion About Emotional Detachment

    Possible. Or it could go the other way. Ostrich realizes they are not compatible any more like this because Ostrich doesn't feel like bending into pretzels as much any more. Ostrich ends the relationship. Or it could bring about needed changes here were BOTH sides are being more authentic and...
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    Confusion About Emotional Detachment

    Thank you for more info. Because you want to feel safe/comfortable around him if/when it does happen? He can go get all the bruises he wants during sex with other people. You prefer not to look at them. Where is problem? He isn't being restricted any. You are taking care of you and what...
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    Irony Is Dead

    You expect Bruiser to give you closer? Rather than YOU giving your own self closure? Why hold your well being hostage to other people like that? I think you did what you could that is within your control. You apologized to Bruiser. Ball is in his court. He doesn't want to do anything about...
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    Confusion About Emotional Detachment

    What does "ballistic" mean here? And here? You asked DAG to create a personal bounday of "no bruises" for DAG? When DAG doesn't care about that? Or you are trying to make a boundary for yourself? To me, I make a personal boundary for ME to obey. I don't have to pitch it to anyone. I make it...
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    Confusion About Emotional Detachment

    I thought about it some more given your marriage counseling appointment this afternoon. Are you "putting up emotional walls" to be safe in this relationship? Because DAG does whatever he wants now? And some of what he does dings you? Or is it having more personal boundaries and being a bit...
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