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  1. Carmina

    Needing support

    I realised I was mainly just feeling I needed to keep up somehow but despite the fact that I was getting lots of OKC likes it all just felt meaningless, like what’s the point of looking elsewhere when I have the person I love and want to spend my life with here already?
  2. Carmina

    Needing support

    I've ditched my OKC account and am not actively seeking another relationship for myself. I realised I don't have the energy or inclination right now and have become accustomed, even if not entirely comfortable still, with my partner spending time away every now and then with her other partner...
  3. Carmina

    Needing support

    I guess the point is they just want people to pay now and the free tier seems to have been stripped of any utility, it's just there as a sort of honey trap. It's weird though because their help still says if you mutually like each other it should open up messaging but this isn't happening, maybe...
  4. Carmina

    Needing support

    Yeah it's over £50 a month now - I think last time I was using it I was paying 15 maybe 20 at most. Plus I can't see any way to message anyone even if we both 'like' each other. Oh well, as you say it may be a moot point but on the other hand I would like to be able to test my own limits a...
  5. Carmina

    Needing support

    I did ok again, the second night was harder though. I have started an OK Cupid profile experimentally (well revamped an old one) but not sure it will come to anything - for one thing OKC has become ridiculously expensive since I last used it, but also I'm not sure I can cope with more than one...
  6. Carmina

    Boundaries around sharing information?

    My partner comes back tomorrow after the longest period away so far (3 days and 2 nights) with her new partner (which I believe makes him my or our metamour?) Anyway I have noticed in several posts on this forum that there is a certain etiquette about what partners should share with each other...
  7. Carmina

    Triad move in day coming up and need advice.

    I agree with Kevin - this isn't really about practicalities but fundamentals. It sounds like your husband is being very controlling to me, and that you are not really freely consenting but only based on emotional blackmail. This is not a situation conducive to your wellbeing and I'm really sorry...
  8. Carmina

    Why and how did you get into poly?

    I'm not entirely sure if I am poly, I think it's likely I have pretty strongish monogamous tendencies, but I know that at least some of that derives from having always been afraid of rejection and loss, so it is possible that if I was more confident in relationships my poly side may also...
  9. Carmina

    Needing support

    Yes I need to feel secure and that will help
  10. Carmina

    I'm Really Struggling

    I know from past experience that rushing into poly unprepared can bring up issues you had not anticipated (particularly when past trauma and mental health, or trust issues, are involved), we went through a similar experience a few years back and it led to us putting poly on hold completely until...
  11. Carmina

    Needing support

    So this weekend she is going for 2 nights - hopefully after that we will settle into some sort of pattern and I will get more used to this.
  12. Carmina

    Needing support

    I think in many respects it's like we also have a new relationship - at least our relationship is now on a different level. I suspect that is probably a principle of poly relationships that a change in one part of the 'polycule' (is that the right term?) affects the whole (a bit like a gestalt).
  13. Carmina

    Needing support

    Yes I realise that but I was thinking also that the fact that I was able to show trust in her and accept her being poly seems also to have brought us closer.
  14. Carmina

    Needing support

    We are back down at dad's this week sorting out the house and unfinished business with the family member I mentioned in the OP. Some hard conversations! In many respects as a couple we are feeling even closer, it's been lovely - almost as if we are feeling this "NRE" as well. Is that usual?
  15. Carmina

    Fluid bonded partner and outside sex with partner with Herpes

    I can't comment on the "etiquette" aspect, but from personal experience of a similar 'near miss' I do know that the risk is probably smaller if the person is not experiencing a flare up and given your precautions. However it may be worth seeking advice from a STI clinic, and they may be able to...
  16. Carmina

    Needing support

    I just realised I did this without being conscious I was doing it at the time :)
  17. Carmina

    Needing support

    My partner came home this morning and we have had a lovely day together. We are both pleased I coped pretty well and although they have another date planned in a couple of weeks, this time for 2 nights, hopefully that will continue. In the end I didn't use much of my list - what helped most was...
  18. Carmina

    Women’s misunderstandings of Poly , How to inform them ?

    Unfortunately that is the case - some men just use it as an excuse to be players and are not remotely ethical or interested in the 'amory' part of Poly - we had a difficult time with such an individual when first exploring poly that was a bad experience for my partner and myself and made us step...
  19. Carmina

    Needing support

    Ok good analogy. Although I guess it also implies that you can get used to the taste, or perhaps if it is 'prepared' a certain way (eg I don't like liver much either on its own but do like it in a pâté - I hated curry when I was younger but now love it, I think because my tastes have matured)
  20. Carmina

    Women’s misunderstandings of Poly , How to inform them ?

    Polyamory is not polyfuckery? :)
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