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  1. G

    Both sides of the story

    I'm sorry you are having an implosion. Maybe schedule rest in between activities so you get regular down time? You sound like you are doing your best. There you go. Faith is having the confidence that actions rooted in good character will yield the best outcome even when you cannot see how...
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    Both sides of the story

    This. And this even if polyamory was never part of the conversation. Some people come to marriage with this "There. Sealed for life. Checklist item checked off" kind of approach. Like it's a done deal. Start taking partner for granted, don't stay connected to the partner, or they grow over...
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    Both sides of the story

    On the edge of what? Do you have realistic expectations of yourself as a hinge? When you are the hinge, you are not obligated to do "extra jobs" like coach the other two through polyamory or be like their free counselor. That's a recipe for burn out and/or implosion. It's ok to ONLY be their...
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    Both sides of the story

    I'm not one of the "after marriage" people. I was way before. So I think that plays into it some -- it can feel more intense or shattering for some of the "after marriage" people. And depending on what those marriage vows were? Ends them. So then it's marriage over. Now what? Reboot with new...
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    GalaGirl: Conversations Already in Progress.

    SLOWLY BETTER Did a good workout. Cooked meals ahead. Then I made some calls to arrange for my defrazzlement. Step 1: Brain Break. I took Daisy to lunch yesterday. She is terrible at sharing conversation space initially. If I haven't seen her in a while she doesn't even notice I struggle...
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    Trying to understand

    Thank you for more info. That helps paint a clearer picture. You have known him for a year but only dated a few months. And you are trying to trust again after a previous poly experience that had a lot of lies and dishonesty. So this time around, you want honesty, truth, and clear boundaries...
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    Trying to understand

    I'm sorry you are struggling, even though I don't really have a clear picture of what's going on. "Primary-Secondary" is not the only model. There can be "co-primary." Along with others. http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/poly/Labriola/open.html You feel whatever it is you do feel...
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    I can't shove my poly self back into that mono box anymore!

    You posted in the blog section but ask for comments. I don't get a clear sense of what step you are at. Are you at a place were you are ready to move on? Or ready to think about moving on? Emotional layer -- Sounds like you've been stuffing your feelings down for 8 years. Have you decided you...
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    StubbleSelector Introduction

    I don't think it an exaggeration. Grief is exactly what it is. One gets married in a monogamous relationship thinking THIS is the deal. This vision of a future, these shared goals. If the poly bomb happens after such a marriage? The partner is suggesting something that basically negates the...
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    GalaGirl: Conversations Already in Progress.

    WORK VENT I'm not going to get into details. But I will say this. Every once in a while I have to work with an Eeyore. One of my least favorite types to train or manage. Everything is doom, everything is bound to fail, everything is soooooo hard. Yes, sometimes there's legit people...
  11. G

    Is she really Polyamorous?

    What are your expectations of "become committed?" What behaviors do you expect yourself to do? Want back from the partner? You don't have to answer here. But maybe you want to think on it and clarify that for yourself for the next time you date? You didn't ask her why she wanted to be an item...
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    Is she really Polyamorous?

    I hope you feel better for airing out. I'm very sorry this happened. At the same time? I think both of you share in the situation making. It's not just on her though she did treat you poorly. You didn't seem to treat yourself very well in this either. It is possible you jumped into this...
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    Worried for an ex in a new-to-poly marriage

    I have a different view. I don't think the door has to be open that long. I don't think one "finds" closure. I think one "creates" their own closure. I also think is ok not to be responsible for anyone but your own self and your own dependents. One doesn't have to be responsible for the whole...
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    Worried for an ex in a new-to-poly marriage

    It's fine to start a blog thread. This is why you do NOT offer yourself as a safe person. It's been taking a big toll on your own well being. While you might not forget it, I hope over time it fades down and doesn't pain you as much as it does now when it's so fresh. Wishing you peace and...
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    Worried for an ex in a new-to-poly marriage

    I'd respect his limit. He doesn't want to talk to you any more. I suppose you could send him a last goodbye email and say you are going to do just that -- respect his limit and not contact him any more. That you hope things get better for him in time. And if it helps any, a link to...
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    Notes to Self

    Yes. But whether or not you want to be involved to what level? That's up to you. As friends or romantically or what. I figured if she's telling you about her drug addictions, you can inquire as to what her plan to address all that is. Isn't that part of how she responds? She doesn't have to...
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    Notes to Self

    Is she even supposed to be dating right now? Because some people in recovery are not supposed to date just yet. Like... get better and on healthy footing first. Then add the stress of dating. Not too soon because it may lead to relapse with whatever the addiction is. As for sex addiction...
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    StubbleSelector Introduction

    Thank you for more info. Are you saying you got married without thinking about it? Like "That's just the next step" but without taking any kind of marriage prep class or thinking out life plans with your wife? Or maybe going on automatic pilot because there was a baby on the way? Or are you...
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    StubbleSelector Introduction

    Welcome! Are you saying you are experiencing inner conflict? Part of you relies on a set of rules to function. But you are at a place where you are questioning "Hang on a minute... who made these rules? Do *I* subscribe to these rules? Do I agree with them?" Like the "norm" where you live...
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    Notes to Self

    What happened in the past? You did not realize it then or weren't up front with wanting poly? Or having a hard time being vulnerable and sharing who you are on the insides? Some kind of combo? What will you be doing different now? Well, SOMEONE has to be first. The first hug, first kiss...
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