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    This is not working out

    DaJaye74.......I hear you saying you'll give Lady SFI whatever she wants, and that you have no problem with her having a boyfriend, but that's not what LadySFI is hearing. She stated that you've been back and forth with your thoughts/feelings about her having a boyfriend. She comes on here...
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    New to Poly, and my feelings are mixed.

    Ummmmmmm and you really expected this was going to change when he got into a poly relationship? Regardless of what he agreed to, initially, with you ...he had NEVER exhibited the type of open communication you desired, saw no value in it....saw no need to apologize or try and change it. I...
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    Poly Isn't For Me/Tired of Sharing My Wife

    I don't see where you want her to be happy...unless it's on your terms. Just as you have accused her and her gf of wanting things to be on their terms so they could be happy. I see a lot of dynamics that happen when a couple divorces and another partner has come into the picture for one of...
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    Dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder in a Poly Relationship

    BB.....Trust your instincts on this one. I would agree that what is probably being displayed now is the "good girl" side of BPD. That's the nature of the condition. Full on adorable, cuddly, loveable, delightful "two year old" and raging, attacking, accusing, demanding "two year old". I'm...
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    Any "straight laced" folks on here?

    I'm no longer in a poly relationship, but when I was, one of us was a social worker and the other two were R.N.s. We looked to be very middle class, professionals. We wouldn't stand out in a crowd. We did participate in the S.C.A. (Society for Creative Anachronism) which is "an international...
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    Dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder in a Poly Relationship

    When I was working as a therapist in an outpatient counseling clinic, we made it a point to spread out our clients with BPD among the various therapists because they were soooooooooo demanding and challenging! Basically, BPD develops around age 2. Thus, the "all or nothing", thinking...the...
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    Is bad hygiene a dealbreaker?

    My former husband worked as a house painter, so physical labor. He showered twice a day...once in the morning before work, and then after he came home from work. (His choice) If I happened to catch him right after work, before his second shower, no problem because on him "clean" sweat smelled...
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    mom and step-daughter

    Obviously you think this would be upsetting to your wife as you talk about what steps you can take "to ease her into it." Why would you want to do this? Aren't there enough other females in this world to choose from for a poly partner(s) such that you don't have to complicate or possibly...
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    Some unbiased advice?

    A helpful question might be......Do you feel fulfilled as an individual human being? If not, all the relationships in the world with multiple people are not likely to help you feel fulfilled. That was one thing I asked myself over and over when considering divorcing my first husband. Was my...
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    Husband vs Wife and her Dom.. a matter of respect.

    What of your needs and your children's needs are getting met by your wife/their mother?? I don't care WHY she may or may not be doing what she's doing......the fact is she's living a very selfish life that seems to only take her wants/needs into consideration. For me, this isn't what being a...
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    When to introduce a possible secondary to your primary?

    I think this is the issue that needs to be clarified between the two of you to start with.
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    How often to talk to secondary?

    For me daily contact isn't about insecurity. It's about the fact that when something/someone brings me pleasure...why wouldn't I want a regular dose of it/him in my life?? For me a large part of the joy in being in a relationship is having someone to share my life with...to talk with on a...
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    Still feeling NRE, he has it with someone else now

    Polyamory is about the ability/capacity to love more than one person at a time. I was at the losing end of someone who was convinced he had that ability/capacity in terms of having equal or co-primaries...only to have him back off when he was stressed out from work or other aspects of his life...
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    Jealousy

    "My ex husband and I had an open relationship free of all jealousy. the people that he and i both chose to have relationships with were also free of all jealousy. We all were mature enough to realise that it is possible to love more than one person..." "As for my state of being single. My...
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    Partner wants to introduce me to his new fling

    "The boy....."???!!! What's that all about? Seems like a bit of sarcasm and condescension on your part here. He may be young, but he's 22, which is at least legally an adult. Perhaps the other guy was picking up on some of your attitude towards him and became reactive??? You don't have to...
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    Do you think a poly relationship would work in my case?

    Whether or not you're concerned about "honesty" as it relates to your relationships and/or polyamory....I'm thinking if you intend to stay clean and sober that "honesty" is ESSENTIAL in every aspect of your life. Recovery is a program of honesty...with yourself and with others. (And I believe...
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    Issue with secondary

    Can you learn to accept or make peace with his need/desire/perception of you as jealous, needing reassurance, etc.????? YOU know how YOU feel. What he thinks your thoughts and behaviors are about are his perceptions....which you have little control over. You can only speak your...
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    Forced to be closeted...

    I came into a poly relationship with a couple. It was discussed up front that I didn't want to be a secondary, and he agreed that he didn't want me to be in that position either. (His other partner and I were friendly and accepting of one another.) We were "open" with their friends/family...
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    A unique rule in open relationships?

    If there's any chance that all three of you will be involved with each other at some time, that I think it's essential that all 3 of you are communicating now! Yes, it can get complicated, but so can misunderstood 3rd party communication attempts! When I share a common friend with someone I...
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