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  1. Marcus

    Polyamory online meetup possible?

    I'd be interested in something like this. I agree that large groups are probably not really conducive to any valuable chit chat. A small group of friends of mine used to get together for gaming and just the difference between having 4 of us an 5 of us made a huge change in our ability to...
  2. Marcus

    New and Confused...

    Do you think you are polyamorous because you have the desire to have (or at least permission to have) multiple loving romantic relationships at the same time? Or do you think you are polyamorous because a shrink told you this? I personally recommend stepping away from what your doctor, your...
  3. Marcus

    introducing polyamory

    In my world, "not reacting nicely" is a red flag and is not behavior that I will tolerate. Life is tough and we often receive news that isn't great. We don't get to control the events of life but we do get to control how we react to it. If I claim to love someone, I cannot also control them...
  4. Marcus

    Not ok?

    Working together under unreasonable time constraints with no time off, and living on top of each other is a great way to build some big time resentment. Currently it sounds like the association is built for failure. It would serve everyone well to take a step back and soberly decide what can...
  5. Marcus

    Not ok?

    I have a high need for alone time and personal space, so if I have to share my space with someone 24/7 it very quickly starts building resentment. With separate rooms there is communication about "you want to get together and watch a show and fool around?" or "I'm ordering food, come in and have...
  6. Marcus

    A controversial thread

    My recommendation would be to take a break from romantic relationships and get to know yourself and come to terms with your baggage. Your story sounds like someone who is in frantic desperate need of a traditional idea of "commitment", and the strict pessimistic view that it doesn't even exist...
  7. Marcus

    (Oversized?) Concerns about STD and pregnancy

    No harm in being hesitant, or feeling anxiety about having sex when it represents a significant change in your existing relationship (and view of relationships). Change can be stressful even when it is a pleasurable and desired change. The good part is you are aware that your anxiety might be...
  8. Marcus

    Something is shifting... in need of advice

    I didn't realize that you were also interested in keeping your romantic interest in Joe a secret from everyone. I had difficulty with figuring out the chain of events, so I misunderstood that particular part. Does Joe want to be a secret? I get that you and Joe have your own thing you are...
  9. Marcus

    Something is shifting... in need of advice

    I'm sure he does feel like an interloper, because that's how he is being treated. Is he cool with being a clear secondary to Joe? Or is he unhappy and want to be treated as if his relationship with you isn't a dirty little secret? I understand that some people don't mind being relegated to...
  10. Marcus

    Quick advise on phone calls

    I get that her time management is irritating; people who consistently can't or won't show up when they say they are going to will prompt me to adjust my expectations of them. Once someone shows that they aren't going to do what they say they're going to do, I just make that decision for them and...
  11. Marcus

    New, like most of the posts here lol

    The traits of effective interpersonal communication are the same regardless of which relationship "type" it is. This is both fortunate because you don't actually need a different set of rules for each relationship and challenging because most of us learn that everything about a relationship...
  12. Marcus

    New to Poly and wantwd advise

    One of my favorite sentiments <3 Just because we care for someone doesn't mean they are a good fit for every type of relationship, and coming to terms with that is an important step in high level adulting.
  13. Marcus

    New to Poly and wantwd advise

    It is definitely not wrong for you to want not want your partner to ditch you at a party to go bang someone else, and it's not wrong to want them to not hit on people in front of you. At the same time, it is not wrong for them to want to hit on or hook up with whomever they want, whenever they...
  14. Marcus

    How to avoid hierachy?

    I avoid hierarchy by trying not to take part in it. The "relationship escalator", a term I believe coined by the solo-polyamorous folk, is something that is insidious and I can hop on the damned thing without realizing I've done it. As Inanial said, avoiding it altogether would entail being...
  15. Marcus

    Need Advice Please Help

    He's effectively living a double life. Either come clean, and stop living a double life. Or stop being bothered by living a double life. (I'm not sure how someone would do that) Something to keep in mind about how this relationship might look in the future, is that if/when you do actually...
  16. Marcus

    Newbie advice please!

    Is this a dom/sub power exchange kind of setup? If not, I want to point out that your posts are primarily centered on what these two people want of you. I suggest you step back from this situation, what they want, what has happened in the past, and most importantly what these other two people...
  17. Marcus

    Negotiating a Relationship

    I don't speak for anyone but myself, so definitely don't take my opinion as some kind of authority on this forum. Tons of people disagree with me on fundamental level, so it would be incorrect to put my voice on some kind of pedestal. However, your point stands that I have suggested you're in...
  18. Marcus

    Negotiating a Relationship

    If she would be offended by your presenting it that way, is she really the person you are hoping to get into this kind of contract with? All I'm saying is that you have what I would consider to be a hyper-pragmatic approach to this association that has very little (if anything) to do with...
  19. Marcus

    I cant stop coming back to this idea...

    The joys of monogamy. I'll pass. People really can just be the worst. I'm glad you're being smart and taking care of yourself; gotta set those boundaries and keep them sturdy!
  20. Marcus

    I cant stop coming back to this idea...

    Most semi-functional people will adjust how they treat us by the energy we give off. It may be that some don't realize you are a woman, and possibly that some read your attire/demeanor as "not interested". Either way, a win is a win.
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