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  1. K

    Renaissance Ramblings

    And of course Teri has to call and leave one of the few substantial voicemail messages she's ever made in response to the "do not contact" call I had Liam made. Let's see if I can sum it up "You're a jealous witch, become a Christian and God will heal you, this is hurting you more than Liam or...
  2. K

    Renaissance Ramblings

    On the Liam side of the V, can't say I'm feeling positive about it at the moment. We went through a near-divorce in 2007. Part of it was precipitated/encouraged by someone I considered an old friend but who, for her own various reasons, did want to "steal" me. Part of it was caused by a...
  3. K

    Arguments against

    I think life would be simpler if marriage worked more like an add/drop form for college classes. Make provisions for the kids, certainly, no matter what, but after a certain point of intelligence and maturity, they should be able to choose who they live with in the event of a family breakup...
  4. K

    Arguments against

    Oh, that's a good one. If humans were naturally monogamous, there'd be no institutional polygamy, no cheating, probably no serial monogamy.... We'd pair-bond and be done with it, except maybe in the event of death. And obviously we don't.
  5. K

    Tried Poly...GF Freaked Out and Ended Relationship

    Careful there, you might end up preaching the One True Poly -- and that never goes over well. I think post-divorce a lot of people go through a high dating period. I know both my BF and my husband did. I've also observed it in others. Monogamy, serial monogamy, is the social norm; we may be...
  6. K

    Gender-Neutral Pronouns?

    I'm used to "sie" and "hir" from Usenet days, where it seemed to be standard. (though there were variations) I rather like them, particularly in text communications where a person's gender identity may not be obvious. Masculine/feminine/neutral pronouns do have their effect, or at least their...
  7. K

    keep striking out

    Hang out with people, make new friends, and see what develops? Talk to old friends and see what happens? It's better, surely, that these women you're approaching are being straightforward that they can't deal with a poly situation than if they lied, or if they tried and failed. Much turmoil...
  8. K

    Arguments against

    It's not a bad argument, as it goes. But it completely misses the fact that monogamous relationships -- particularly serial monogamy -- can and do also create upheaval in childrens' lives. Parents in general can and do create upheaval in their children's lives simply by moving, forcing their...
  9. K

    Renaissance Ramblings

    Rules We are not without them. In starting this with Jai, and discussing limits/rules/boundaries, Liam requested two rules. 1) Jai can't ask me to run away with him. 2) No having sex with Jai on a plane going to Seattle. Pretty sure the 2nd isn't serious. Liam has a strong sense of humor...
  10. K

    Renaissance Ramblings

    No, still not done with the emotional ups and downs. Jai headed out of town today -- a bit earlier than I expected. That's the main bit, I think; I expected it, just not now. And he's not, from the sounds of it, in a good headspace at the moment, feeling unsure of himself and his future...
  11. K

    Help me think this through please!

    I think you should do what you are comfortable with.
  12. K

    Broken agreement? No hope. Help me, please!

    You said it was okay, and he took you at your word. In eight years, people can change and he may have figured that is what happened, because, after all, you said it was okay. Forgiving someone for deception is difficult. And that he did, by agreeing to a set of rules (no activity without...
  13. K

    Feeling Trampled On - Part 1

    It sounds like he's already checked out of the marriage and the family to a large degree. Counseling is one of those things that may not help, but won't hurt to try, IMHO.
  14. K

    Renaissance Ramblings

    Winging Things In general news, central WA is on fire. On the plus side, cool weather and rain are helping with the fires; on the downside, lightning causes more fires and now there's also flash floods to deal with. There's not a lot of change to speak of since the last post. Right at this...
  15. K

    Renaissance Ramblings

    Thank you. I'm working with what I have. Most times, it doesn't seem like nearly enough.
  16. K

    Polyamory = Dwarf Dating?

  17. K

    The Struggling Mono Thread

    Either you trust that he will stay with you, and love you, or you don't. A marriage certificate won't change that; if he's going to leave you, it merely complicates the process. If he's committed to you, then he is, and a marriage certificate is merely symbolic confirmation. It is certainly...
  18. K

    Astrological Compatibility in Poly

    Advice I was offered when I came to these boards that is I think is still holding me in good stead, "Just see what happens." The closed triad is a wonderful ideal. Ideals tend to get smashed hard by human reality. Trying to figure out what form the relationship will take before there is even...
  19. K

    Forced into Poly Hell

    Have you tried not falling in love with someone? Or stopping any feeling from happening? I'm not sure it can be done. This is a very common rule for people starting to open their relationship to others. It also seems to most commonly fail. Which reduces/eliminates his private boundaries...
  20. K

    What about the Kids?

    All children currently associated with my relationships are/have been public schooled. That said, homeschooling isn't necessarily cloistering; all those I met growing up had very active social lives. They just weren't forcibly age-segregrated. Other homeschoolers do go the isolation route...