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  1. M

    Crash course Dom for idiots

    icesong, I agree, I think I was struggling to oversimplify the two distinctions. I probably should have addressed the philosophical differences or just left that part out.
  2. M

    Crash course Dom for idiots

    BDSM can be a magical and wonderful experience if you do it right. First thing you should know about being a DOM is that you must truly be a giver. You are taking 100% responsibility for the pleasure and safety of your partner. You also have to be very intuitive and in touch with your partner...
  3. M

    Can this relationship become poly after an affair?

    I agree. Unfortunately there is not going to be an easy way through this. OP has a lot of work to do regardless. It seems like if he tries to get on board with this, then he is being left with all the work. It makes sense to me that if they are going to do this then they need a fresh start...
  4. M

    Can this relationship become poly after an affair?

    I completely agree with everything that has been said so far. I would underscore that there is nothing wrong with you being turned on by the thought of what happened. I really enjoy watching my wife, either pleasure herself or with someone else. I find the ability to sit back and watch her...
  5. M

    Feeling Rejection. How has being poly changed or affected how you feel.

    Thank you again for your wonderful insights, most notably, this one. I know in my heart that it's not the best thing to try and drag either of us to the other ones level. I suppose for me sex checks a ton of the boxes you mentioned. I feel validated, desired and attractive. I enjoy pleasing...
  6. M

    Feeling Rejection. How has being poly changed or affected how you feel.

    During the time she is HL she nearly outpaces me. The other times it can be anywhere between not on the radar and just does not want to. We have talked about it and she understands the mis-match. I am fortunate that she does not require any romantic lead up to sex. When she wants it she...
  7. M

    Partner wants restrictions on my dates

    I hear you both but this statement has me wondering. I agree that you have 100% control over who you involve yourself with. By saying this, do you mean to indicate that Amy is only allowed to date someone that you are interested in involving yourself with? Do you not see yourself having the...
  8. M

    Feeling Rejection. How has being poly changed or affected how you feel.

    I have always struggled with rejection. As I work on myself it is always near the front of the line of things I cope poorly with. There are many struggles in my past that I won't go into my usual oversharing with but it has been there a long time. In my current relationship my partner and I...
  9. M

    Jealousy and love languages

    My primary love language is physical affection. Most of my jealous feelings are tied to that but I find it to be primarily when I feel like those needs are not being met. Early on it manifested as kind of a how can you pass it around when I am not getting enough. As things progressed I...
  10. M

    Sharing

    I am currently mono while my wife is open. I find that I like to hear as much as she is willing to share about her partners and experiences. I feel a lot of compersion knowing she is having fun but also because I adore how these experiences help her shed her shame and guilt about her...
  11. M

    Poly Parents Logistics Question.

    I do have interest in being open and we are just reaching the point where we are discussing it. While we have work to do before we get to the point where I might interact with anyone else romantically or sexually we are focusing on the need to create space. COVID kind of has us both feeling...
  12. M

    I should probably introduce myself.

    Hello all, I am a 49 year old hetero cis male. I am married to a 39 year old bisexual cis female. It is my second marriage and her third. We have two beautiful boys who are 5 and 7. Our current relationship dynamic is that I am mono and she is open to see other females. When we first...
  13. M

    Poly Parents Logistics Question.

    So my wife and I are proud parents of a 5 and 7 year old. At the moment I am mono and she is open and dates other women. Regardless of our relationship status we both recognize the need to create space and time for both of us to pursue our own interests and to create space and time for us as a...
  14. M

    I strongly dislike labels

    LOL I am wondering a little if I am about to swallow the bait... For me, Jesus, God, Holy Spirit could simply be summed up as the Divine. I fully accept that others connect the divine with many other names and terms. My point was that I find it more effective looking to and connecting with...
  15. M

    Need advice on the dreaded OPP (her idea).

    I thought really hard about this and the issue is absolutely with me. After speaking to my therapist about it she helped me see how I have a fear of asking for things for myself that is rooted in my childhood. Without detailing too much about my relationship with my father, I will say that I...
  16. M

    I strongly dislike labels

    I like this. I imagine God as a parent. When you look at the world through the lens of omnipotent benevolence it makes a lot of sense. I want my kid to learn to ride a bike because I know they will enjoy it. I also know they will fall and hurt themselves. I have the power to stop it but I...
  17. M

    I strongly dislike labels

    It truly does. Some things are interesting like how Muslim and Jewish funeral customs are nearly identical yet their society and culture are so opposed to each other. Some seem silly, like B'hai Faith people are buried where they happen to die, even if they are traveling. American Gypsy...
  18. M

    I strongly dislike labels

    The level of scholarly debate here is impressive! Kudos to all! I am christian in philosophy and a recovered Catholic who considers himself to have a healthy connection with the divine. Over time, I learned to look inwardly for my answers and connection to God. I have spent 30 years in...
  19. M

    Need advice on the dreaded OPP (her idea).

    Thank you for that! I may just put that on a note card in case I struggle coming straight to the point. :). Honestly, I don't think I am ready for a triad no matter how lovely the idea sounds. I am excited to see what happens.
  20. M

    Need advice on the dreaded OPP (her idea).

    Thank you! I enjoyed your perspective. Looking at this through different lenses has helped a ton. Your's made me chuckle at myself. I think the real answer is I have to back up and then do some more work before I really understand what I want. The first thing I have to do is tell her I want...
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