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  1. T

    An Update

    Well... An update to the update is in order! Dinner was great. The three of us had a wonderful time, laughing, joking, catching up. My lovely wife L was really impressed with how S has gotten his stuff together and is taking responsibility for his actions and his past. We had the same...
  2. T

    An Update

    He is, he's doing NA. He got his 2 month chip last night, which i think is just great. I know the forgiveness/amends thing, because my dad is doing AA also, well, he did it for a long time but dropped out semi-recently. He's not drinking though, so i guess that's good. I'm just going to see...
  3. T

    An Update

    Well, i did call him. It turns out that he's gotten clean (he was addicted to hydrocodone and klonopin, to my knowledge), and he wanted to ask for my forgiveness, make amends, what have you. We actually had a pretty good conversation -- a little awkward, but not bad. He'd like to hang out...
  4. T

    An Update

    Long Time, No Post (A Novel! Sorry!) Hi Everyone! It's been a LONG time since I posted here! I haven't forgotten about you all, things have been really really tough around here for quite some time, and I haven't had a whole lot of internet access. Fortunately though, that will change...
  5. T

    An Update

    Hi Everyone, Sorry I've been gone for so long; things have been pretty hectic and crazy around here. So this is an update to the thread you can find in the new to poly forum, but i figured i'd put it in here since it's kindof off topic but still on topic? If that makes any sense. Old thread...
  6. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    Thanks so much for your kind words Mark. I'm hoping hard that this all works out for the best. Today is L and my 5 year anniversary of being together, and our second wedding anniversary was Tuesday (the 9th). We had a really amazing conversation this morning about the nature of love and how...
  7. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    Thanks Mark, so do i. Let me give a quick update, and then i'll address the quote above. A mutual friend of the three of us spoke with S last night after I had spoken with him (friend) several times in the course of the day. He is really upset that S and I broke up, but is also in a (new...
  8. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    I think that had a whole lot to do with it... and we didn't respect L's discomfort with the situation at all. She made a lot of sacrifices to her own comfort and boundaries so that we could be together, but we didn't even begin to respect that the way we should have, and I see that now. And it...
  9. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    Yeah, I think you're pretty close to the mark, Mark. (that was completely unintentional, btw.) I got so wrapped up in the NRE and the promises and the emotions with him that I completely neglected my lovely wife. We've been talking about writing out what we need as far as boundaries and things...
  10. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    The thing that came back to bite me was that I was dishonest about how much time I was spending with S. L had said she wanted us to slow it down and spend more time with her, and we were doing that, but we also were seeing each other in the mornings before I went in to my lab. She found out...
  11. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    A Sad Update As of Monday, S decided that he can no longer deal with being in our relationship. L and I, as you know, have been having marriage problems, and S had to bear the brunt of some of those problems. We were not entirely honest, even when we were doing our best to be, and it came...
  12. T

    What words do you use - lover, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, something else?

    I'm sorry to hear this... I am, quite honestly, bisexual. My "primary" partner is another woman, my wife, who is a lesbian. My "secondary" partner is a man, my boyfriend, who is a straight man. The three of us HAVE messed around together, but it's not the basis of this relationship. This...
  13. T

    What words do you use - lover, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, something else?

    Well, I've only been in a poly triad for 3 months and a bit, but when I introduce people to my partner(s) it's always been "this is my wife" for L, and "this is my boyfriend" for S. We've not yet been in a social situation where i've had to introduce both of them to someone, because the great...
  14. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    Update! Hi Everyone, Well, it was a really up and down week for all three of us -- I had felt like S was being distant (which he was, to his own admission) and I know L was hurting because I was really stressed out. I couldn't get ahold of S all day yesterday, which is COMPLETELY unlike him...
  15. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    Thanks Quath & Mark -- I think that's part of the issue, is that she wanted to speak to her friends about it and let them know what was going on before we were out at school, and S and I didn't respect that, because well... it's not that I don't want to respect my wife's wishes, but I've never...
  16. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    She does know it's not a comparison game; I've made that abundantly clear... I also have given her tons of reasons why I'm not leaving and why I haven't stopped loving her or even CHANGED my love for her at all. We've both been doing a lot of reading about poly and stuff, and I've requested...
  17. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    I do have one other question, actually... This is something that's really really frustrating to me, and I'm not sure how to fix it.... L constantly compares herself to S, especially in sexual situations, etc. I KNOW that this is one of the worst things that she can do, but the few times I've...
  18. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    That's the thing that I wasn't totally clear about. I knew that being out at school (handholding, etc.) was one of her boundaries, and I knowingly crossed that boundary. The reason isn't so much that she's uncomfortable with us being out at school, though she's not comfortable with that, but...
  19. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    It's both.... she's feeling insecure because she feels like I've been trying to create a life that's separate from her, and she feels like i'm more excited about him than i am about her (like i said before, LOTS of NRE going on between he and i...), etc. She's scared right now that I'm going to...
  20. T

    First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

    I think that the fact that we were out at school at all is the issue, not the fact that we were holding hands. I do hold hands with my friends (female), but when S and I are together, I'd venture to say it's pretty obvious that there's something other than just friendship going on. Add to that...
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