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  1. PhilosophicallyLost

    Positive poly representation in movies and TV?

    If your friend is a reader, I really recommend the Kushiel's Dart series. It deals really heavily into all the various forms of love.In fact, in the protagonist's country it is a religious commandment to "Love as thou wilt " The protagonist certainly does that.
  2. PhilosophicallyLost

    Poly essentially unfair?

    Thanks for all your comments! This helped put some things into perspective. I really like to bounce ideas off like-minded folk such as yourselves. =) @Schrodingers: I do think for my husband he perceives it as him loving another gal would be unloving me somehow. I think he's accepted that...
  3. PhilosophicallyLost

    Poly essentially unfair?

    In my husband and one of his close friends, I have encountered a sentiment of poly being essentially unfair. He's even told me that he doesn't wish to date a girl outside of me because he thinks it would be unfair to *me*. I found the statement strange, because I found it assumptive on what I...
  4. PhilosophicallyLost

    Basic Principles of Poly

    I'm not sure if this will address your specific situation, but these are some of the conclusions I have come to: Just as we idolize many characters in stories we watch/read about, because we love their unique contribution to a story, we also can love a variety of personalities in real life...
  5. PhilosophicallyLost

    Status update: Improvement

    I have not posted in quite some time. A lot of changes have occurred in the last six months. I was struggling pretty significantly in June, but coming to the end of the year I am finding many more things to feel hopeful about. Y and I bought a house and we have embarked on a new page in our...
  6. PhilosophicallyLost

    Having trouble with legitimizing my feelings.

    Nycindie and BoringGuy: I understand you are trying to speak from experience in an effort to help, and I appreciate the words of caution. There is way more to the whole thing with my brother than meets the eye. I just feel that there's not enough evidence in my forty-some posts here for...
  7. PhilosophicallyLost

    Having trouble with legitimizing my feelings.

    "Your brother checked himself into a psychiatric hospital because you are non-monogamous? BoringGuy: It's not that simple. My brother, due to a combination of events, felt I was abandoning him. He felt very threatened when I first started dating my husband six years ago, and I suspected it...
  8. PhilosophicallyLost

    Having trouble with legitimizing my feelings.

    I normally associate effective therapy with building healthy relationship problem-solving skills and whatnot. Granted I am not looking forward to the first time or two because it means bringing up painful memories, and I am uncertain of how good the therapist is. More on that toward the end of...
  9. PhilosophicallyLost

    Having trouble with legitimizing my feelings.

    Sometimes just looking at the threads on this forum help me feel less freaky. Anyway, my husband and I have tried letting me be poly with his best friend for a year. In the last few months things have settled finally to a degree. My husband's anxiety spells are greatly reduced, which in turn...
  10. PhilosophicallyLost

    Marriage, jealousy and new feelings..

    You probably feel a lot of guilt for your husband being as distraught as he is. I unfortunately can emphathize with that feeling quite a bit too. He definitely is having some reactions of, "why am I not enough by myself?" Even though you may not see it that way, it's a form of rejection to...
  11. PhilosophicallyLost

    I think the three of us need a talk.

    But perhaps you can confirm this. I'm writing this with a headache, so I apologize if stuff is sorta fuzzy on the details. The living arrangements have become a major issue. Hubby doesn't like having E as a room mate anymore. The reasons are wide and varied: 1. E is overly talkative and can...
  12. PhilosophicallyLost

    "He doesn't deserve it."

    AnnabelMore: I can't agree more with the Jasmine line, but I'm not sure if my husband realizes I'm feeling that way. I might need to address this too when we talk. Sparklepop: I have been nine months with the boyfriend, in a mono/poly situation. If it helps for more background, my husband...
  13. PhilosophicallyLost

    "He doesn't deserve it."

    "You didn't look out for me when this started, now I have every right in the world to spoil your fun." He definitely would seem to feel this way about E. As far as me renegotiating the marriage with Y, he has judged my actions on that differently. Y told E, "K hurt me too, but I know by her...
  14. PhilosophicallyLost

    "He doesn't deserve it."

    Ugh. How to keep this succinct. I asked my husband early on in the poly thing if I could sleep the night with my boyfriend sometimes (just generic sleep). He said no, and it was still a fresh hurt to him so I didn't bring it up for several months. I waited until he and my boyfriend worked...
  15. PhilosophicallyLost

    Pushing onward in the face of adversity

    I probably will view this differently than my husband, but I have seen a HUGE shift in our time spent together since poly started. I used to work and go to school so lack of time with me was a norm. The time we spend now, in my opinion, is far more than it's been. He argues that we had all...
  16. PhilosophicallyLost

    Pushing onward in the face of adversity

    Helo: I am struggling with feeling like my husband wants a lot of my time. It feels like he sees it as his right, whereas I see it as my gift to give. I understand I've pulled out the rug with the whole poly thing and he needs support and love, but he's given me crap for talking to a friend...
  17. PhilosophicallyLost

    Pushing onward in the face of adversity

    It's been a while since I've posted. I've struggled with time management, but I'm doing a bit better with that lately. Even though I have some friends who know of my poly arrangement, I have sometimes felt very isolated and alone in my pursuit of poly. Some of this stems from how badly one of...
  18. PhilosophicallyLost

    HELP... I feel like I need a holiday from my emotions!!

    I'm not sure I would see this as a threat to your primary status. His love with you is unique. You will always share something in a way with him that is special to you and him. He enjoys the uniqueness that is you, otherwise he wouldn't want you still in his life. He just wants to appreciate...
  19. PhilosophicallyLost

    Recovering from coerced non-monogamy

    I am struggling with my husband somewhat on this note, too. I sprung the surprise on him May of last year. I will voice something my oldest brother mentioned to me....marriage should be treated as a partnership. As partners, you both are supposed to come to major changes in your life...
  20. PhilosophicallyLost

    Time management is becoming a nightmare

    It's been a while since I posted...primarily because of the issue mentioned in the title. There are many challenging things going on right now in my relationship with Y and E, but time management is frustrating me the most right now. Let me start off by saying I'm an introvert, and Y and E are...
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