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  1. W

    Collateral Damage

    More to come, but I wanted to at least start this blog. As I think about XBF's (who will get a name someday) experiences over the last 20+ years and his mantra that he and his wife are very, very happy, as I think about some of the things he told me about previous women he's been involved with...
  2. W

    Secondaries: Integration/In a Bubble

    I'm curious, from those who are secondaries: how much are you a part of your bf/gf's life? Are you kept completely isolated, and a secret from, from their friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, or anyone else? Is your relationship known to some of the people in your partner's life? Is...
  3. W

    Question for primaries, Outside partners enhance marriage

    Since I started seeing BF about 18 months ago--my only experience with polyamory, only time I've ever known anyone in an open marriage (that I know of)--I have done a lot of reading on polyamory and open marriages. BF said from the start that problems usually arise when, like us, one person is...
  4. W

    "I love you" and secondaries

    Just curious about the spectrum of thoughts on this among members here. I see some people talk about exchanging I Love Yous with secondaries. Do some people avoid that L word or avoid feeling it? I'm curious because my (married) boyfriend's actions speak very loudy of genuine, even...
  5. W

    From the wife's POV...?

    I realize everyone is different, but please remember as I ask that this is a completely foreign world and concept to me. And in fact, coming from a background of infidelity (x-husband's, not mine), I'm probably seeing things completely wrong. But my boyfriend has told me from the start that...
  6. W

    This forever thing

    I've been seeing BF for 9 months now. Keep in mind that, although I've heard of open marriages, the whole concept of polyamory was brand new to me. Moreover, he was more of a swinger, and up until now, his actual relationships have always been online. This is a first for him in a number of...
  7. W

    "We'll go out Friday night if...

    ...my wife doesn't have plans for me. I'll let you know." Is this the way it's typically done in polyamory? Particularly when the man is going directly home to his wife, doesn't call that night and doesn't call until late the next day with any information? I'm still looking for where that...
  8. W

    Mono secondaries, feeling love?

    I saw no good way to sum up my question in the title better than that. So let me try to explain better what I mean. I ran into a friend tonight and told her a bit about what's going on with BF. She asked if I feel butterflies in my stomach when I'm with him. No. I don't. I don't really...
  9. W

    Losing trust

    I guess I'm what would be called a mono secondary. I've been seeing BF for 4 months. I'm recently (8 months) divorced from a long term marriage as a result of infidelity and lies. BF has told me repeatedly two things: that he'll always tell me the truth and how much I mean to him, how much...
  10. W

    Does my username say it all?

    I'm female, recently escaped from a lengthy marriage, the result of xh's infidelity. I was suprised (shocked? stunned? head still spinning?) when a married man, a long-time friend and colleague, asked me out several months after the divorce was final, saying it was to meet about business, even...
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