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  1. W

    How to deal with a jealous partner?

    This seems fairly simple to me. She wants exclusivity. You don't. You're not a match. This doesn't make her a bad person. It makes her someone who wants something other than what you want. Leave her alone to find someone who wants what she wants
  2. W

    Smelling the flowers

    I'm sure I won't. I visited a friend last summer with an amazing garden, probably half an acre of raised beds. It's the time and expense of getting started! What all are you growing?
  3. W

    Smelling the flowers

    I like those raised beds--just finished watching the video. We've started the garden inside and I'm hoping to have it planted outside by the end of the weekend. I've talked with the kids about doing raised beds this year.
  4. W

    V Relationship Quarantine Help

    So your husband gets a girlfriend and anything he wants and you should be happy for his happiness. You are told to remain monogamous and there's no expectation that he should be happy if you happily find someone else and are happy? No, sorry, this isn't poly. This is a guy having his cake and...
  5. W

    Collateral Damage

    I went into poly being told all relationships can be equal if we want them to be, being told my relationship WAS equal to that of Byron's wife. I am happy for those who can promise this and achieve it. This is the true meaning of poly, right? My concern is that so few can really follow...
  6. W

    Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

    Ooooof course it's 'silly' of me to 'keep asking.' (KEEP asking??? I brought it up exactly ONCE. But...whatever.) We're all here to work together to learn how to do poly better, right? My point remains, if one has two husbands, then one has two husbands. A husband is a husband, right? If one...
  7. W

    Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

    If PunkRock was your husband, why wasn't the house also his? I had been under the impression all along that the three of you jointly owned it as a family unit. I was very surprised to find he put so much into it, financial and sweat equity, yet was only a renter. I wonder if that ever led to him...
  8. W

    Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

    With all Punk Rock put into that house I'm surprised to find he's a renter and not a co-owner. I admit, I wonder how that might have left him feeling he wasn't really a husband if one husband was an owner and the other a renter. Does he get any equity for all he contributed both financially and...
  9. W

    Feeling Hidden...

    You are being hidden. Your feelings are valid. It is completely valid to be hurt by this. It is completely valid to conclude from this that you are being treated like a second-class relationship--someone she wants in her life, wants whatever she's getting from you feelings or sex-wise, but...
  10. W

    When your nesting partner brings someone home

    What DOES she want you to do?
  11. W

    new to open relationship

    It sounds to me like a very couple-centric situation and I suspect he is fishing for a threesome. Reading your posts reminds me very much of my own situation. I was promised that my BF and his wife did poly GREAT. He insisted the problems I read about here on the forum were all schleps who...
  12. W

    New new new mono/poly

    Some good advice here. He declares he's 'poly.' What does this mean? That he desires sex with other women? That he gets infatuated with other women? And this means what exactly? I've been on this forum for nearly 8 years now. I'm still not clear why "I'm attracted to others" is unique in the...
  13. W

    Just feeling sad

    So K wants time with you when S is absent. You get dumped when S is available. Is this correct? If so, it's not hard to see why you'd feel sad--as if you're a useful distraction until the 'real' partner is around. I guess you need to decide if you're willing to continue this and if K is open...
  14. W

    Life Partnership Ended

    As galagirl often says, every relationship has a clock attached. I'm sorry you're hurting.
  15. W

    Partner is Monogamous

    Agreed. See people who want the same relationship style you do.
  16. W

    Advice on Boundaries for a new poly couple

    Boundaries??? She expects her boyfriend to act like a boyfriend. The problem here is that YOU expect her 'boyfriend' to act like a man who is married and puts his wife first and really only wants a chew toy to entertain him while his wife is otherwise occupied. Either he's a boyfriend to her...
  17. W


    Bully for them. ONLY ONE PERSON. What if that one person passes on a disease? What if that one person is a crazy bunny boiler whose actions cause real harm? If something is missing in a relationship: WORK ON THE PROBLEM HONESTLY. IF you can't solve honest and leave. "Something is...
  18. W


    God forbid we 'demonize' people who lie to their spouse, potentially expose their spouse to diseases that can affect not only that person's health but the health of any future children, take time and money from the family, and break trust. Yep, they should really be given a gold medal of some...
  19. W

    Collateral Damage

    Thank you for your answer, Jayne. It's evidence that it can go both ways and that people on either side of the equation can end up feeling like a hobby or a time filler and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. That is true of memoirs or autobiographies. I don't think I've seen the question...
  20. W

    Collateral Damage

    As a 'secondary,' one who knew polyamory only because I met someone who had an open, polyamorous marriage, I came here years ago looking for help in understanding what I might really be to a man married but open. As much as Byron talked about openness, honesty, and communication, he never...