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  1. Coveny

    I need some advice

    I would first agree with Galagirl on "why go there". I've mainly seen this sort of thread from male Vs, and I generally advise against it as it fucks up one or both of the relationships. Maybe guys can handle it better, but doing something sexually for someone that you don't want to do needs to...
  2. Coveny

    V hinge feeling Guilty

    Let me start by agreeing with Evie: Get a new therapist. The one you have can't think beyond what they were conditioned to think. On your mother: I expect your mother would understand that you could love two children at the same time, but she doesn't understand that you can love two adults...
  3. Coveny

    Advice

    If she's been told but feels like she can be a cowgirl (Is that still a term... I haven't been talking to poly people in a while) that's on her. That said, given you were broke up when she started dating him it makes cowgirling more feasible. As the previous poster said though it's going to end...
  4. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    Well, at least it took a while before I got the "This is a bad idea" responses that didn't provide constructive criticism. You may love and respect Sheldon's character but your response seems to me like you look down on this type of behavior. My list fits on one page of paper on purpose...
  5. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    As I said in the initial post "This is more about having a starting point for me, NOT dictating rules". This list is going to be presented to anyone and tell them how the relationship is going to work. This list is to talk about my rough ideas for the relationship and then to discuss what the...
  6. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    I downloaded all of them thanks. Sadly I have to be careful about the length of these types of discussions at the beginning of the relationship most people are full of passion, I'm trying to figure out what makes them tick. You may be able to be open, direct, and honest I've never found that to...
  7. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    Yes, thank you very much for your time and insights I appreciate the second set of eyes.
  8. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    I was surprised two different people wanted to discuss semantics, that's unusual by my experience. I'm not looking to cover everything, I'm just looking for it to get a bit more detailed than most people enjoy being. I'm curious, why do you feel directed porn is sex? I assume it's the...
  9. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    More semantics. As I mentioned before while I enjoy the discussion it's completely valid for people in different areas to have different definitions of the word. For me Collin's definition sums it up: sex is physical activity between people that involves the sexual organs. To your point...
  10. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    From my experience dating is about putting your best mask on and convincing people to invest emotionally into you, and then once they do slowly lower the mask inch by inch to see if they run. I would love for it to be a getting to know you part but I've yet to find anyone who's open and honest...
  11. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    Fair point. I didn't want it to be too long though. I have to rein in my desire to go into very fine details on topics like this when most people would prefer more of a 10,000-foot view. For me this is a compromise to like a 5,000-foot view where it's not as detailed as I want, and not as vague...
  12. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    Let me start by restating that this is my goal, and if anyone else finds something that works for them, and everyone is happy more power to them. That said mostly. So time, energy, and attention yes, and from go. Consideration no, but that's not about equality in my opinion that's about how...
  13. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    This is a semantic discussion about how the word cheating is defined. I enjoy semantic discussions but I think it's important to understand different areas words mean different things. Where I'm from and how I was raised if you agreed to something and didn't do it then you broke your word, but...
  14. Coveny

    Coveny's introduction

    I did read the guidelines. (it may shock you, but I'm a fan of rules. hehe) I'll look through the Golden Nugget section, thanks for the link.
  15. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    This wasn't meant to be rules for everyone. I personally don't want to treat anyone as a second-class citizen in a relationship, so that's why the rule is in there. Don't get me wrong, if everyone consents knock yourself out, it's just not what I'm looking to do, and I doubt anyone entering a...
  16. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    I see cheating as saying you're not going to have sex with others, and then you have sex with others. I know some people feel there is emotional cheating, I'm just not one of them. I think we all fantasize about people who we aren't having sex with. I think we all have emotional connections with...
  17. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    I like changing it to "I" statements. You've convinced me to do more work. :cautious: I want the rules in place in case the new partner becomes nested. That way they're already aware of what they are getting into. Well I think a certain degree of manipulation (which some consider abuse) is...
  18. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    I like the idea of discussing all of these. I hadn't thought about the messy people angle at all and just assumed. However, I could see that being a problem. I didn't edit the list above but I did edit my personal copy.
  19. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    Yes. Repeatedly, and not just on this type of topic. The worst I ever got is when I posted on this city design forums and asked for help on how to design a homeless city I envisioned. Most of the posts equated to some version of "Your idea sucks" with no reasons as to why it sucked/wouldn't...
  20. Coveny

    Advice on Poly rules

    That was an awesome response and exactly what I was looking for thank you very much! I'm going to have to take some time to percolate on the various points you've brought up, and I love that you've made me do that. Again thank you for giving me your time for such a well-thought-out and...
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