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  1. nicothoe

    Definition of "romance/romantic"

    With regards to my wife, I would say I am at a 1. We tend to get along fabulously, and rarely tire of each other's presence. With the GF, it is more of a 3-4. She sometimes talks about moving to another part of the country, although she is not making any plans. I suspect new opportunities and...
  2. nicothoe

    New poly couple going slowly,somewhat.

    There was once a story about a group of female teachers, who went out together one night and partied. They snapped photos of themselves, and posted them to Facebook. Unfortunately, one parent upon seeing the photos was so outraged at their antics, and concerned that such photos may reach the...
  3. nicothoe

    Where do you start?

    I remember not so longer ago when overnight I went from being mono to poly, and was left wondering, "okay, now what?" Hmmmmm...perhaps it was a over a few days, or maybe weeks, but let's forget that, I am going for the dramatic! So anyway, while the wife now found herself with a boyfriend, all...
  4. nicothoe

    New to the Forum

    Whenever I talk about my relationships, I always count the two relationships I have with my kids, emphasizing that their need for me will be greater than that of any other person. The wife and I made the decision from the start to be open to our kids, that is, not to pretend we don't see...
  5. nicothoe

    Newbie Poly

    Realizing you are poly, especially when you are already in a relationship and your SO doesn't take it well, is never a fun place to be. For that reason, I am glad to hear that Steve's reaction was not one of complete shock and despair. He offers a glimmer of hope that things can proceed with...
  6. nicothoe

    Maybe poly is what I'm looking for?

    I would say talk to him about it. You'll never know what his feelings are on the matter until you do. While I have no experience or knowledge of swinger mentality, what harm can also considering poly do? It's not like you are already deep in the swinging lifestyle, and are suddenly changing the...
  7. nicothoe

    Hi.

    If J cannot handle the idea of polyamory, is he still willing to pursue a monogamous relationship with you, and if so, would you willing to forego having other relationships?
  8. nicothoe

    My poly partner has a mono mentality...

    Hmmmm. Perhaps I am living in world different from everyone else. One were historically women were treated more harshly for adultery than men, where some women are forced to cover their entire body so as not to seduce men by their mere existence, were being sexually promiscuous is considered a...
  9. nicothoe

    My poly partner has a mono mentality...

    There have been times in my three year journey into polyamory when my emotions don't conform to my thoughts and beliefs. My brain says, "Okay, we have thought this through, and this is how we are going to do things", and when the time comes, my emotions throw a tantrum and scream foul play...
  10. nicothoe

    My poly partner has a mono mentality...

    I would argue that is really is just about sex. Forget the emotions, men simply don't like "their" women having sex with other men. We like to have a monopoly on sex.
  11. nicothoe

    Definition of "romance/romantic"

    Poly is just like being mono, but with more people. As far as romantic, that is more the expression of love. While I don't stop loving the women in my life, there may be days when I don't express it.
  12. nicothoe

    New to poly

    In answer to your initial question, sometimes there isn't a reason. It's not like you look at your life and say, "This piece is being unfilled" and then go looking for someone to fill it. People are much more complex and interesting than that. If you were to ask me, "what does you girlfriend...
  13. nicothoe

    New to poly

    Unfortunately, the wife doesn't have the power to prevent this from happening. One of the consequences of dating and falling in love again, is the risk of things ending badly. It's that whole better to have loved and lost mumbo-jumbo. Of course, this time around you have a loved one who is...
  14. nicothoe

    How can I be "less"?

    Well, I didn't say it didn't happen *smile* Speaking from my own experience, I fell in love with my girlfriend's room-mate long before we started having a regular physical relationship (which is only recently). My point was that you can be polyamorous and still enjoy casual sex, and that...
  15. nicothoe

    How can I be "less"?

    Let's be honest here, the vast majority of relationships start out with a large sexual component, which eventually gives way to love. There is no denying that sexual attraction, desire, lust are as much a part of a relationship as love and friendship, and therefore a part of polyamory. To me...
  16. nicothoe

    Spinoff - Time Sharing

    Perhaps, but polyamorous folk can enjoy a little casual sex too!
  17. nicothoe

    I miss my family

    It surprises me that you decided to move out when you could have stayed with your wife and family, and try to maintain the relationship with the girlfriend. Especially if the wife was willing to give polyamory a shot. One of the biggest fears of any polyamorous couple is that your SO will meet...
  18. nicothoe

    Tea and Crumpet

    On Friday I had a date with Fern. We had met on OkCupid a month or so prior, and seemed to hit it off. We started by emailing each other everyday, then added some texting to the mix. We flirted. A lot. I am a computer geek, and can't help but snoop around. I found her profile on Facebook, and...
  19. nicothoe

    Spinoff - Time Sharing

    Since Writer and Artist live in the same house, and I am now dating both, I also find myself facing the question: where do I sleep?. I think I worry too much about it, especially since writer is going through a celibate phase and prefers to sleep alone. But still.... When I am on a date with...
  20. nicothoe

    Spinoff - Time Sharing

    A couple of years ago, the family and I went on a camping vacation to a four day festival that my new girlfriend had invited us to. We had decided beforehand that I would spent two nights in my own tent, and two in the girlfriend's. That seemed fair. The wife and I had been poly for about six...
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