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    Break-up Styles

    I have ONLY ever had ONE BAD break-up that I remember anyhow...and that was in October. We were a Triad (rotating degrees of love) for about 4 months. It got outta control and we ended it! AND it sucked hard....but....I borrowed from Dan Savage, and focused in on my Primary and had NO contact...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    For whatever reason, I can't edit this now....so better correct my GROSSS FREUDIAN SLIP ...... it should read, "revealed a deep deep cavity of pus". Not that the other description was UNtrue or anything!! lol ;) Peace out, P2
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Better post an update here....cuz inquiring minds want to know!! ;) So, the hubby and I are still separated. We are both 'cautiously optimistic' however know that we will both be fine if it doesn't work out for one or both of us. It has been quite the trip. Never one that I thought would...
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    Sex vs Emotional Connection

    For me, post FIRST ffm triad...I had no issues with my hubby and C having sex in front of me. Or really, had no issues with 'anything' done in front of me. It was the texting, Skyping and phone calls - the emotional connections - that drove me crazy! And the main reason that I would NOT be too...
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    How did I get here & Where am I going?

    I-squared....these are great words. She is lucky to have you! YOU BOTH deserve it all....and more. And who knew that scientists could be such eloquent and articulate writers! :) Besides me.... ;) P2
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    Asking for help when you're already drowning.

    Nice sentiment RP. It is strange how some people CAN bring another aspect of YOU into your own life. I experienced this this summer and NOW, I 'feel' it - even this morning, as I walked into Timmy Ho's. If ONLY we could find those pieces earlier....then again, we wouldn't be who we are with...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Another update. Wow, we are still riding the roller coaster even without ANY 'C' in the picture! Go figure. I am still out of the house. :( Hubby and I have met and it started out well, but quickly went downhill as discussion of the bigger issues came up. I feel like I am not equipt to deal...
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    Counseling....

    I think that from all the bad that can come out of this....all the pain....all the emotional turmoil, I find myself saying "Thank You" today. Maybe we do have to live through the really bad shit to FIND OURSELVES. Maybe, just maybe, I have been lost to myself for years. Just going through the...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Saturday morning and still at my sisters place. Hoping to talk sometime soon, but not wanting to push. Patience. RP...all good points. Pieces of all of them.
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Thanks LMBL. I am hoping to talk to him face to face soon. He is still really angry at me and is holding on to many years of resentment. It seems that each mistake I make is another notch in the book. Yes, I am human. I do make mistakes. I accept that and know that it is in those mistakes, that...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Does anyone have any insight into why the hell I would have done this - the cheating? I just cannot figure it out. It is like it wasn't even me!! I take responsibility for the whole thing, don't get me wrong....but WHERE the fuck did that piece of me come from?? It is not me!! Anyone? Thanks P2
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Wednesday night tonight....and I finally have some internet access at my friend's house! Yay!! :) I took counsel today from many friends. They all said why were you talking to C yesterday. What is wrong with you? I agreed. Today she has called but I have not answered. Maybe I am learning. :)...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Thanks TL. It is Wednesday morning now and I am still grasping to find perspective. I know that it was MY FAULT. BUT WHY?? Yes, tequila was a big factor - it just loosened me to what I had wanted and longed for for so long. Just a bit of one on one time, and fuck, SOME honesty. Her honesty to...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Tuesday afternoon now. The weekend away was full of little bits and pieces of drama but was okay. Hubby ended up breaking up with C on Saturday night. She was blown away and angry and it was not good. I came home Sunday night. I had stayed out of any contact with her for the whole weekend. Hubby...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Wednesday night now and I leave town for 4 days starting tomorrow. Probably much of the anxiety that I have had this week is from that....yes, maybe it is the fuel that propels the rollercoaster! ;) Tomorrow night, while I am gone, C and hubby go to a concert with friends (her friends). I think...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Sunday, my head was nestled into each of their bods, somehow sandwiched, in a good way, wondering why and how I didn't 'feel' this bliss all the time. It was so spectacular. I felt the heroin drip into my veins and knew that this must be heaven (as much as an atheist can use that line! ;) )...
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    A new adventure

    TL....as you know....YES, I grappled with this too. I still have apprehension. I think that it is because of 'boundary issues'. In this whole cluster of a mess we created, I never really had ANY boundaries other than this one. Can't we cut ourselves some slack and say, "if I am most comfortable...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    LmBL, could you clarify that last part please? I do feel a lot of responsibility....good and bad....through this whole thing. I tried so hard to make it work, but I am not that person. I thought I could. I feel rejected and left out, no matter what is happening....unless it is all in front of...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    As always, Anotherbo, I appreciate your comments. I go away this weekend for 4 days. No matter what decision we reach prior to that, it will be a difficult time away. The brain is such a powerful force....I am hoping that I can turn it off for a bit and focus on what I am away for!! I feel so...
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    The Polly Roller Coaster

    Egad. :eek:
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