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  1. Carma

    Forced into Poly Hell

    Poly may have had its times that were "hell" for us -- but I don't regret any of it. My husband and I ended up divorcing but it was amicable, and we are now very close friends and co-parents. We were on a journey and we were very brave to try some unconventional paths towards happiness. It was a...
  2. Carma

    The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)

    I've been away for quite awhile. I'll have to read some posts and see how people are doing! My poly experience is ended now but I am still processing and learning from it. I moved out in April 2012 and my divorce will be final next week. Sundance is still seeing the "cowgirl" and he continues...
  3. Carma

    Poly music

    That is so remarkable to me -- my bf heard it playing once, back when we had first embarked on our poly adventure, and he mentioned it to me. I wouldn't have really recognized it as such.
  4. Carma

    Redpepper's journey

    Wow, I haven't read in quite awhile and I am so sad for what you are going through. I don't know if anyone has mentioned this, but the TEXTING game can get out of control! It is the channel by which the other woman became a primary, where that was never supposed to happen. We had other problems...
  5. Carma


    I moved out last Saturday. I don't miss all the wondering, is he talking to her, texting her, seeing her..... He lied to me so many times, it was the LIES that were making me just as crazy, as the relationship with her. It would be the same if he were drinking and hiding the bottles, or sneaking...
  6. Carma

    New and Scared

    So sorry, Bangel. My marriage is ending too. I moved out last week. It's so weird, I thought I would be the one who could share, but I couldn't. Well, not with his lying, anyway. One thing I learned through this, I was not happy in my marriage. I swept a lot of things under the rug, always...
  7. Carma


    So I wasn't anticipating all this PAIN. Excruciating heartbreak. Yesterday was the worst Valentines Day I've ever had. The brother-sister thing slipped and I just found myself wanting to feel loved. Sundance brought me roses and I can't stop wishing things could be different. He tells me he...
  8. Carma

    Guilt, shame, and pride.

    Wait -- so you are not "involved" or "dating" or "sexual" with him, anymore? Because it kinda sounds like you are. And from what I read, it sounds like you deserve better. A relationship you can live and love out loud. This sounds toxic to me. There are other fish in the sea -- maybe you should...
  9. Carma


    I had a sort of revelation this past weekend. To view Sundance as a brother, instead of a husband or lover. So far, it seems to be working. It frees me to love him again, to not be so jealous, or resentful, or enraged. I wouldn't go so far as to be happy for him, that he's found someone else...
  10. Carma

    New and Scared

    Hi Bangel, Sorry for you. I can relate, somewhat. We're living under the same roof while my husband carries on his wild romance with his gf. I realized that our marriage is over. It may have worked differently if Sun had been more honest with both me and his gf, but it took the course it took...
  11. Carma


    True. I never thought this would actually happen. But I was awfully delusional I guess! About a lot of things. Some things others here could see so clearly. But my view was so subjective. I was operating on pure emotions. I still can get sweet-talked. Why do I let myself be so vulnerable?? When...
  12. Carma


    I don't expect him to be ethical at all in a divorce or in any situation! He already told me to expect Armegeddon! While that could be a bluff, another of his bullying techniques, judging from past behaviors I'd say it's going to be ugly. He is so immature. But he is so good at smoothing...
  13. Carma


    Thanks, Mag. You always cut right through all the crap. :cool:
  14. Carma


    Thanks, Arrow. (And Phy:) ). It helps to have someone to share this stuff with. I have talked with many people about what is happening, but no one understands the poly dimension of it all. They think he is a cheater, plain and simple. Well, that's what he has become, with all the lying and...
  15. Carma


    Sun came home at 4:30 am Friday. I had asked him in the morning to just let me know around about what time he'd be home. He said "Ok. I probably won't be that late." He never called or texted. Then Saturday night...5:30 am, SAME EXACT THING. Friday I was home with the kids. Saturday, the kids...
  16. Carma


    Haven't posted much lately. Things are horrible. I want a divorce, but these wheels don't turn overnight. In the meantime we are still living under the same roof, and we are fighting more. It is upsetting the kids and it is miserable. :( Sun is out with Linda tonight. I hate when he's out with...
  17. Carma

    Tantric and me.

    I totally concur ;)
  18. Carma


    Thanks phy and minx. I wish we'd established separate finances from the start!! It sounds like one key to a healthy relationship. Especially when there are differing values regarding money and spending - which we definitely have! We never could reach a compromise. And sundance is NOT comfortable...
  19. Carma

    Wife thinks that I am neglecting her in favour of my secondary. She's right.

    Hi Kinda :) I'm sad for you. I wonder if your wife is regretting some things now?? Our poly journey started with me falling in love with our neighbor and downplaying it -- i.e lying. I did confess everything, which led us to try poly. But I believe that, like you, my husband never got over the...
  20. Carma

    Is there really enough love to go around?

    Are you Okay with the idea of your husband finding someone too? And are there any unresolved issues in your marriage you aren't dealing with? There were in mine. At first poly distracted us from them. But the problems then began to fester as we focused on sex and romance and the unconventional...