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  1. O

    Primary Relationship or Nothing?

    I've been struggling with this very ingrained idea that if I do not have a primary type partner, then I am a failure in a big part of life. Primary type relationship for me does not necessarily mean living together, or mingling finances but it does mean that we organize our lives together...
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    Saving my blogs

    So, is there a way I can download my blogs to save them? I realized I've written things about my life over many years here and if the site has any problems, I risk losing them. How do I save them? Suggestions very welcome! (I'm not especially tech savvy but can do basic stuff.) Also I...
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    Deborah Anapol has died

    I'm really surprised this has not popped up on the forum already. We often talk about polyamory being a movement lead by women. One of those founding women, Deborah Taj Anapol, died yesterday. She wrote one of the earliest books about poly and had remained a major force in poly and other...
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    Sex history calculator

    Slate has a sexual history calculator that calculates how typical (or not) you are for your age and gender. It only takes into account number of sexual partners and doesn't break down results any further than that. But I thought it was really interesting regardless. Here is the link...
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    Couple Privilege is biting me in the ass and not in a fun way

    So a play partner and I have been chatting about getting together for sex and rope bondage. I've know him and his wife for several years now and they are dear friends. We've had sex once and played non-sexually a few times. I don't play with him much at all because of scheduling. So we're...
  6. O

    Intimate romantic relationships

    I've been posting on this board for a few years now and have decided to put a post in the dating and friendship area. It can't hurt, you know? I'm a single, white woman living in Maryland, in my early forties. No children but two beloved pets. I consider myself polyamorous, open, and kinky. I...
  7. O

    Expectations cause hate?

    I like Kimchi Cuddles, the poly webcomic, quite a lot. The artist practices a different type of poly than myself. Probably relationship anarchy is the closest description. So I often don't agree with her perspective. But this strip, and the last caption in particular, really bothered me...
  8. O

    Expectations, dammit

    I suppose I would like advice too but I am also ranty. And so annoyed at myself. So I have this friend. We've played a few times (in the BDSM sense) and had sex once, a few years ago. That was when Whip and I were together - we basically swapped with this friend and his wife - who is also a...
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    Compulsory Compersion

    I am pissed and this is a rant. It's not fair or balanced or any of those bullshit Fox News slogans. You've been warned. In another forum, I just got called one of 'those type of people' and a 'shitty person' because I suggested that compersion is lovely, but not everyone experiences it and...
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    How to tell if a therapist is worth working with

    So I'm starting therapy soon in the new year. I've contacted a few folks and hope to arrange first meetings soon. A friend on the board suggested I make sure to keep looking until I find a good fit in a therapist. I thought this was wise advice. However, I've never been in therapy and realized...
  11. O

    Secondary? No thanks!

    Despite the flippant title, I've been doing some thinking about this topic lately. I went to a poly discussion group in my area recently. While there, I realized that I don't want to be a secondary. At all. Ever (well for the foreseeable future). When I was dating (taking a break currently) I...
  12. O

    Metamour to blame?

    So I've had some interesting discussions with friends and acquintances lately. When I state that I have broken up with Whip, almost all of the time, the friend or acquaintance initially assumes that his other partner is 'responsible' or involved in some way or caused our breakup in some way...
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    A Plea for Nicknames

    Disclaimer: I'm not a mod or anything like that here. What I say is just my personal thoughts. So, onward... I urge folks who post here, even if not regularly, to assign nicknames to important people they reference in their posts. That usually means partners and metamours, but often includes...
  14. O


    First of all, let me say I fully support people's need to determine their own level of risk regarding sexual health. That's something I want people to do more of! There have been a number of threads here where various posters have noted that they would not want to expose themselves or their...
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    Advice for dating people with ADHD and/or Autism

    So I've been struggling with some of Whip's behaviors. He really, really does not think at all like I do. He has ADHD and possibly a much less severe form of autism although I do not believe the latter has been confirmed by a doctor. Much of the behavior is in the 'mildly annoying' range like...
  16. O

    And back!

    Yay! is back. I could not access the site. The mods told me the entire site was down. I am so pleased it's back. And thank you to the mods and admins that fixed whatever went awry. Your work is not invisible and I for one really appreciate it. opalescent
  17. O

    Not Dead Yet!

    So new blog! The blog name is a Monty Python reference. Since I seem to dig the death references, decided to continue with that. Whip comes back from an unexpected trip today. Yay! I was thinking today that out of all my male lovers, tiny dog (TD) likes Whip the best. It might be because Whip...
  18. O


    This is a personal rant. I read folks posting about their situations. And frequently, I think to myself, 'Oh, this is going to end badly for all involved.' My feelings of doom are not always accurate. Some folks do figure stuff out. We don't get the other sides of the story and people often...
  19. O

    Libido changes?

    This is not just a poly question so, mods, if this is more appropriate elsewhere, please move it. So I am a woman in my early forties. I am finding that my libido is MUCH more intense and stronger than anytime before in my life. No comparision to my thirties or twenties. I want sex more often...
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    Spam Reports

    Hey mods! I send spam or possible spam reports fairly often. I consider it a small contribution to the forum. However, I do wonder, is this really useful to the mods? If it's just another thing to deal with and not helpful, then I will stop. Thanks!