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  1. Shaya

    Struggling with my relationship of 12 years

    Hi kvb, Welcome to the forums. I'm relatively new here myself but have found that the experienced polyamorists here often offer some really great insight. I'm not a polyamorist myself, so I'll leave the poly advice to them. However, something in your post reminds me of myself and of the...
  2. Shaya

    Monogamous couple transitioning to poly (part II)

    Found another. I find Hyperskeptic to be extraordinarily intelligent and to have entered polyamory with his wife in the best of circumstances - no cheating, no entering it for a third person already in mind, spending many months to research it first. Hyperskeptic has multiple blogs, but you see...
  3. Shaya

    Mono People but In Some Sort of Poly-ish Beginning Situation?

    Hi there, welcome to the forums. I agree with people who say slow down. From your wife's perspective, polyamory gives you and N something, but gives her very little. Jealousy will pull your wife's emotions and logic one way whilst NRE will pull you the other. Here are some other examples of...
  4. Shaya

    Looking for guidance. having some issues in an open relationship (newbie)

    Hi there, Sounds like you're going through a rough time. I don't think anything in what you're feeling is wrong. Kindda normal. But a lot of it also sounds self-inflicted, if you know what I mean. Kevin has some links to jealousy that you might find useful. I'd also stop the social media...
  5. Shaya

    Coming out to 5year spouse HELP PLZ

    Hi, CTF's suggestions make sense to me. There is a thread titled "Is it irresponsible to tell someone in a poly/mono relationship "it can work"?" that explores this issue. The thread was created as a spin off from this thread where the author poses the question of whether poly-bombing his wife...
  6. Shaya

    I Need Advice and Help

    Hi again! :) It's great to hear an update from you. I'm glad things in your relationship are repairing. The hole in Hero's heart can be mended. Affair recovery says it can take 2-3 years to do so, but what you had wasn't quite an affair? So maybe less? Then again, he did allow you multiple...
  7. Shaya

    Coming out to 5year spouse HELP PLZ

    There are many different types of non monogamy. Polyamory may not be exactly what you want. Have a look at some other options before discussion with your wife. It would also be interesting to know what she wanted. Not sure if it's what you're looking for, but here are some links to other...
  8. Shaya

    Fitting Issues

    We spend the first 2 weeks of our 40 week pregnancy, not actually being pregnant at all. Think about it. They count the 40 weeks starting from the first day of the last period. You don't fall pregnant till about 2 weeks after that so a baby born at 40 weeks pregnancy is only about 38 weeks old...
  9. Shaya

    Husband is poly and Iam not

    Hey Lizzie, Sorry you find yourself struggling. What you're describing sounds tough. How did this come about? Was it a planned or unplanned pregnancy? Is he showing signs of wanting to leave you to pursue monogamy with her? Does she support him having an ongoing relationship with you or is he...
  10. Shaya

    Completely New

    Hi Dante, It's a complex question you ask. Feeling secure in a poly relationship depends on how well your partner can juggle multiple partners or continue to show you love whilst she's off pursuing others. Feeling secure in a poly relationship also depends on your own personality factors. What...
  11. Shaya

    Looking for clarity

    Best Wishes Ayla. Times may be hard now, but 10 years down the line, I'm sure you'll look on this moment and think, "thank goodness I left." I don't think that makes it any easier right now. The urge to get back together with him may be strong, and he may come crawling or apologising. I'd...
  12. Shaya

    When can you trust that it is love and not NRE?

    When we "fall in love", I believe we are head over heels and will go out of our way to do things for the other person, but a lot of what we envisage that person to be can be a fantasy. We often feel like we know them really well, like a "soul mate", even after only meeting them a few times. The...
  13. Shaya

    Hi.* I'm Inaneil

    Welcome to the forums, Inaniel, I hope you stay. I like your humour.
  14. Shaya

    The Accidental Homewrecker

    Hi there, welcome to the forums. Can I ask why you called your thread the accidental homewrecker? I can't see anything in what you've said that indicates you wrecked anything.
  15. Shaya

    New to Poly, Already Fucked It Up

    I think coincidence and unluckiness. The opening poster is 19. Highly fertile. These things happen. DripDropDiggsManuel, if there are people who are posting comments that you don't find welcome (including myself), feel free to click the exclamation mark in the top right corner of their posts to...
  16. Shaya

    Dating Challenges for a Married Man

    I'm not sure how useful this might be. Worth a look at maybe.
  17. Shaya

    Curious from Canada's Capital

    Hey there, If you want to search on the forums, what you're describing tends to be called a triad.
  18. Shaya

    New to Poly, Already Fucked It Up

    It's true that in first world countries, the mother is tested quite a lot in pregnancy - but most of the STI tests are run only once. The possibility exists that if sex with a new partner or new partners is ongoing, that you could catch the sexual infection after the test comes back. Catching...
  19. Shaya

    Curious from Canada's Capital

    Hi, firstly, a warm welcome to the forums. You will find a treasure trove of stories of what others have gone through here and amazing words of encouragement when things go poorly. There are 2 things you said that stood out to me. You talked of a monogamous FMF relationship. I presume you are...
  20. Shaya

    New to Poly, Already Fucked It Up

    Hi there, Sorry your introduction to poly was so rough. I'm glad for the support you have managed to gather around yourself. Just wanted to make sure that amongst all the baby drama, you have considered the possibility of STIs or STDs. You and girlfriend both had unprotected sex with people...
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