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  1. Shaya

    Relationship repair after a fight

    In reading some of the more troubled blogs, or when looking at a new member posting their troubling transition to polyamory, I feel that there may be an underlying similarity between poor relationships that has to do with repairing after an argument. We all argue. We all fight. We generally...
  2. Shaya

    Love languages

    If you've never come across it, there's this concept of love languages that many swear by. Essentially, the theory is that different people like to receive different things to feel loved. For some, receiving gifts from their significant other is viewed preciously as love. For others, receiving...
  3. Shaya

    Sodomy laws

    I've been wondering lately about sex acts that used to be illegal, which are now legal in many countries around the globe and where this trend may go in the future. In particular, most people I know frown upon bestiality and incest but I wonder if my future kids will go, "Dad! You can't judge...
  4. Shaya

    Relationship Vulnerabilities Quiz

    As a forum, we often find ourselves giving advice to newcomers to polyamory. These newcomers are sometimes already in an established long term relationship and our advice can range from divorce, to stop poly and focus on your relationship first, to "rock on poly." I sometimes feel we give advice...
  5. Shaya

    Does being under-privileged make it harder to come out?

    Some are out, others aren't. There was a recent thread about how to deal with society's labels, that discussed coming out to family and friends about poly. I'm wondering if those who live with the 'double stigma' of polyamory and something else not mainstream, find it harder to come out? For...
  6. Shaya

    A problem with the way the media portrays polyamory.

    Summary of my gripe: When I first heard of polyamory, I was like "hell yeah. Of course you can love more than one person at a time. Makes total sense." The media articles from magazines and news feeds sensationalize polyamory but fail to go into any real depth. I feel many media articles take...
  7. Shaya

    Monogamous couple transitioning to poly (part II)

    I previously asked for links to examples of an originally monogamous couple (with no experience in non monogamy) who attempted to transition to polyamory. Kevin helpfully replied and so far, his story is the only one I know of where the original couple and the person they opened up to are still...
  8. Shaya

    Polyfidelity and monogamy

    To those who have been in a polyfidelitous agreement, what similarities and differences do you see between your agreement and monogamy? <EDIT: Sentence about open polyfidelity and closed polifidelity deleted due to massive confusion resulting in the next 4 posts below. Please ignore anything up...
  9. Shaya

    How many polyamorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Q: How many polyamorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:Three, but it’s not all about the screwing! :D A: You can screw lightbulbs!?! :D
  10. Shaya

    Poly till death cometh

    Anybody know of a really old person enjoying poly? Like, geriatric age (say, older than 70). Older the better. As we age, do most who practise poly eventually settle into polyfidelity/monogamy and spend time on their grandchildren or do they still enjoy the possibility of new romantic relationships?
  11. Shaya

    Relationship education

    Question: Should "how to do a relationship" be taught in high school? If not, then should society's expectation on developing a good relationship change from a "trial by fire" experimental model to a "research what others have done to avoid their mistakes" model? Relationships are the hardest...
  12. Shaya

    "falling in love" vs "growing in love"

    I've come to believe "falling in love" and "growing in love" are two different things and that the english language uses the word "love" in two different ways. The word "love" describes a different emotion in each of these contexts. When we "fall in love", I believe we are head over heels and...
  13. Shaya

    Primaries, secondaries and couple privelege

    Hi guys, Most of the resources I've read about couple privilege seem to cast couple privilege in a negative light. At the same time, having primaries and secondaries seems to be a legitimate way to conduct polyamory. What's the difference?
  14. Shaya

    The greatest love of all (humor)

    In a manner most unlike my usual self, I created a parody of Whitney Houston's song "Greatest love of all" where she sings it to her vibrator. ;) ♪The greatest love of all, Is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself, Is the greatest love of all.♪ I've got no one in real life to share it...
  15. Shaya

    French and Polyamory

    Different cultures on earth have different approaches to relationships. Even within the same culture, you will see different relationship models as the centuries flow by. Throughout most of the Western world today, serial monogamy seems to be popular, but every now and again, I hear gossip that...
  16. Shaya

    FMF vs MFM

    Maybe another contentious topic, with apologies if I raise anyone's hackles. I'm really too new to really know, but I get the feeling that within polyamory that is V-shaped, the MFM configurations tend to last or to be more stable than the FMF ones. Why is this? Or is my sample size on this...
  17. Shaya

    NRE vs jealousy

    I've been wondering about the way in which NRE and jealousy interact in an established relationship when a new third is added. For simplicity's sake, let's keep the discussion to a V configuration. In the original pair, jealousy may develop in the one who did not start a new relationship...
  18. Shaya

    The blurry line from monogamy to non-monogamy via pornography

    Monogamy isn't really monogamy. True monogamy: A truly monogamous person would have one lover for life. Romeo and Juliet fall in this category and they died. Serial monogamy: would be multiple lovers, one at a time. In truth, many serial monogamists have emotional or physical overlap between...
  19. Shaya

    Affair forums vs polyamory forums

    My situation is a messed up casserole involving trying to legitimise a brief emotional affair of my wife's into polyamory. It didn't work. The result is me scrambling on affair recovery resources to work through the broken trust and hurt, whilst simultaneously looking at polyamory to see if we...
  20. Shaya

    Polysaturation and heartbreak.

    I feel there is a flaw in polyamory that leads to polysaturation and heartbreak and would like to seek your help in clarifying my thoughts please. I would especially like to hear from those who seldom post, because I suspect people with negative opinions on polyamory tend to silence their own...