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    Ethical issues in nonprimary relationships: input needed for poly conference

    So it sounds like, when it comes to outness, what you value most are privacy, family harmony, and also avoiding social awkwardness and ostracism. Correct? These values are all totally fine. However, relationships involve other people. Do your personal values also include fairness and...
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    Ethical issues in nonprimary relationships: input needed for poly conference

    That's an interesting point. "Primary/secondary" implies hierarchy, and in a hierarchy whatever isn't at the top of a hierarchy is a lower priority that is either limited or warrants less consideration, especially when navigating conflicts or quandaries. In polyamory, hierarchy usually does...
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    Ethical issues in nonprimary relationships: input needed for poly conference

    What ethical issues arise in your nonprimary relationships? (You know, the ones that don't involve or aren't heading toward sharing a household or finances, strong public presentation as a "couple" or larger unit which "always comes first" or other explicit or implicit hierarchy, etc.) At...
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    Husband not abiding by transparency rule, what to do?

    Just did a blog post about the trouble with fluid bonding This thread got me thinking about the complexity, uncertainty, and stress fluid bonding (and negotiating and communicating about it) often adds to relationships, especially in a non-monogamous context. And especially because it seems...
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    Husband not abiding by transparency rule, what to do?

    Fluid bonding is... sticky... Yeah, OK, pun intended. Seriously, after having had a quad blow up big time due to the failure of one partner to disclose up front that she planned to have unprotected sex with a new partner right off the bat... And after having had my own husband (at the time)...
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    "I love you" and secondaries

    You might ask why they avoid the L word Some people (even poly people) really don't like explicit declarations of love, for a variety of reasons. Admittedly it's a word that come with a lot of social baggage and expectations -- because declaring love is a typical major benchmark of progress...
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    Non-primary partners speak out on how to treat us well in poly/open relationships

    Expanded this article, more input welcome! Just a quick heads up: Since I originally published the result of this crowdsourcing project, Non-primary partners tell how to treat us well, I've continued to gather input. Today I published an expanded version of this list of tips. For more, see...
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    Input from non-primary partners sought: How to treat non-primaries well?

    I've updated/expanded this resource. <ore input welcome! Just a quick heads up: Since I originally published the result of this crowdsourcing project, Non-primary partners tell how to treat us well, I've continued to gather input. Today I published an expanded version of this list of tips. For...
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    More tips for treating non-primary partners well

    Hi, folks Many thanks to the people on this forum who contributed their suggestions on how to treat non-primary partners well in poly/open relationships. It's proven to be the most popular post on SoloPoly.net -- read over 14,000 times so far, and daily traffic is still going strong! Which is...
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    Do Non-monogamous and Monogamous Relationships End Differently?

    I prefer to remain friends with former partners, and I'm willing and able to do that. I've done it. In fact, my former spouse is one of my closest friends. Although we now live in different states, we still talk most days and visit at least a couple of times per year. In fact, he spent two weeks...
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    The gift of owning up after breaking up

    Yes, Opalescent nailed it. By referring to the social default, I was indeed referring to the surprise that people (mono or otherwise) typically express upon learning that someone (mono or otherwise) is still friends with an ex partner or lover. Even though we all know people who have positive...
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    The gift of owning up after breaking up

    One of the best aspects of polyamory is that just because an intimate relationship ends or changes doesn't mean you need to eliminate that former partner from your life -- something that's sadly the social default setting in mono-land. Setting up a positive "aftership" often requires some...
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    The good stuff: What's great about being solo and poly?

    Hi, folks I feel like on SoloPoly.net I've been focusing a lot on the challenges faced by non-primary partners and poly/open people who are solo (that is, they either don't have, aren't seeking, or don't live with a primary partner of their own). But hell, it's the holidays -- so let's break...
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    Input needed on crowdsourced article about couple privilege & polyamory

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. One of my closest friends (married and poly) also takes the view that privilege/prioritization can be earned over time by any partner in a poly network of relationships.
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    Input needed on crowdsourced article about couple privilege & polyamory

    Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply, @thatgirlingray. You made a lot of good points, and I like your approach!
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    Input needed on crowdsourced article about couple privilege & polyamory

    Thanks so much for your thoughtful response, @nycindie. I've got quite a diverse array of responses on this issue of couple privilege, so I'll have to tackle it in several posts -- including the perspective that it doesn't exist. Thanks for your eloquent thoughts on that perspective! You...
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    Input needed on crowdsourced article about couple privilege & polyamory

    Thanks so much for this thoughtful response!
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    Input needed on crowdsourced article about couple privilege & polyamory

    Hi folks A while back several people in this forum offered their ideas and tips on how to treat non-primary partners well in poly/open relationships. That led to my recent crowdsourced article on my blog SoloPoly, which has been attracting a fair amount of discussion in the poly/open community...
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    Input from non-primary partners sought: How to treat non-primaries well?

    First version of this list is live, thanks for your help! Many thanks to everyone who contributed thoughts on this topic. I've assembled info from here and elsewhere into the first version of this list, published today on SoloPoly.net: Non-primary partners tell how to treat us well...
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    Non-primary partners speak out on how to treat us well in poly/open relationships

    Earlier I posted to this forum, asking people here for do's/don'ts about how they prefer to be treated in poly/open relationships. This was part of a crowdsourcing project I'm doing for my blog SoloPoly.net, to create a list of do's/don'ts that can serve as a positive model -- since social...
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